Mediation

[Juststopamoment]

Does anyone know if I want my children’s views taken down in mediation if the other party needs to give permission if it’s not their father? This is grandparents.

Not sure where you want them taken down. Mediation is about you and the other party attempting to reach an agreement without going to court. The mediator does not make any decisions. In general, anything discussed in mediation cannot be disclosed or used against you in any court hearings.

@prh47bridge ok thanks. I thought that mediation could include the children’s views when writing to court but if that’s not the case then I don’t think it’s the right path for me.

Yes mediation can involved the children. That would be for them to communicate with both parties about their needs and wishes. The children have to agree.

Those with PR would have to agree but ultimately, if one party doesn't want the children involved, mediation sessions with the children is not going to bring any positive outcomes, so makes the whole point of mediation with them pointless.

@vivainsomnia I thought it would be an an opportunity for the children to express their views to someone independent ie not me and then those views would be sent to the court but there is no way I think it’s appropriate to ask grandparents if we have their permission for the children to talk to the mediator. The children are reacting to stuff the grandparents have said and the grandparents are denying they said it because it goes against the order and they are saying that I am lying about what the children have said. Basically they are trying to make out they haven’t broken the order.

The court will want to hear the children's views if mediation fails. The mediator can only disclose information to the court if both participants agree. Getting the children's views into mediation is not the way to get them before the court.

@prh47bridge Understood. Thanks.

Mediation is not cafcass. They are not trained to do assessments of what children needs are. They just mediate between parties and share with the court what agreements have been reached.

In your situation, it doesn't sound mediation us appropriate.

@vivainsomnia I am completely confused as to what is the best thing to do. I was told that the court gave them the order assuming that they behave differently with the children but now they are doing the same to them even if they think it’s coming from me (which it isn’t). The children have zero trust in their paternal family now. As far as I can see they aren’t thinking of the children at all.

When it comes down to it they have taken all choice away from the children. This order isn’t new. This is its third year. There have been other instances where they have made them feel uncomfortable and in my mind how long do you let it continue?

What are you hoping to get from mediation?

DP did child centred mediation. It cost close to £1k each for two kids, they ask questions like what are you worried about, what do you like about mums / dads house what don’t you like. What’s your one wish for the future…

in your shoes if the kids are secondary age I’d just let them decide. Grandparents can take you back to court and you can say what the kids wishes and feelings are…

@SummerDayz63 Thank you. I’m not going to have mediation speak to the children. I’ll leave that for court. I did have to do a MIAM as a box ticking exercise and I might do one session but I know that the children have lost complete trust in them and I can’t trust the grandparents to keep the children safe on an emotional or physical level so I won’t be agreeing to anything. It might be useful to try and get them to understand what they have done but tbh there is huge dysfunction in their family and they don’t seem to understand anything. But thanks for your understanding of the situation. I appreciate it.