Separation and child custody

[Sowhatimstillarockstar9]

Hi, right at the beginning of separation and still living together with 2 DC's 8 and 9. I have sent him a proposed child custody schedule, which is 50/50 and includes some things we already have planned in over the next few weeks. Some with his family events which I won't attend and some with mine family. One of which a family wedding on my side.
He has said to me that I am invited to everything he is doing and therfore I currently have 100% access to my children. However I am restricting his access to 50% as I have said I don't want him to come to my things. I am not attending this things so as to prove I am willing to do 50/50.
He has said to me this evening that he has taken legal advice that says I am not allowed to take the children to a planned event that he isn't going to without his permission. That as we are not yet officially separated I can't do that.
For context this is one night away about an hour away from where we live.

He is talking rubbish. Assuming the event is in the UK, you do not need his consent.

He's spouting BS as an attempt to control.

Just get your own legal advice - you do realise he’s working on the assumption that you’ll believe everything he says?

FWIW, I had 50/50 shared child arrangements for 15 years. Neither parent told the other parent what our DD was doing on the weeks they were with them. The only thing we altered on was holidays, alternate christmases and birthdays and Mother’s / Father’s Day.
That being said, whilst you’re both living under the same roof, you both have 100 % access to your children.

Complete nonsense. Fwiw my ex actually went to court to try and block me taking dc out of our local authority area (as he was annoyed I was taking them to visit one of HIS family members). Funnily enough the judge found the request as ridiculous as I did. Without such an order you can take the dc wherever you choose

Does he have a history if telling lies? It’s absolute nonsense. I think you need to get some legal advice asap as he’s going to be difficult. Are you married?

Yes we are married and no official 50/50 schedule has been agreed yet as he has said he isn't agreeing to anything right now.
So we are separated but living together.

Say you're sorry that he's upset but he's not invited to your social occasions as he's not your partner now - you really feel for him being upset but if he makes a big fuss about this it's the kids that will be missing out not you

He has sent me a formal response to my 50/50 custody suggestion today. I suggested we do 2,2,3 as the kids are younger I think it will work best for now.
His exact words were

Under law, neither parent has the right to restrict the other from seeing their children.
I do not consent to our children attending social engagements where only one parent is invited to attend.

I have emailed my solicitor today but haven't heard back yet.
In the plan I put some days down that were the equivalent so it's all 50/50 down the line.

I think he wants me to leave the house as he said until i have left we are married and not separated.

Ewwww what an arse.

Does anyone know if I move out to live with my Mum (obviously taking the kids 50/50) would this affect my custody chances in the future as he is in the fanily home?
He has worried me that he is going to go for more than 50% and that's why he wants me to move out.

The only rights are that of the children. And there right to a relationship with both parents. It’s also important they maintain and and build relationships with wider family members. Restricting them from attending family functions is doing this.

What would happen if you took them anyway?

When you say responded formally what does this mean? Surely a solicitor didn’t send you that drivel? It’s weird controlling behaviour. It’s far better for you to amicably sort out child arrangements than have a judge who doesn’t know your children rule.

I don’t really have any advice on how to proceed but he’s full of shit. Hope your solicitor can support you.

i wouldn’t suggest moving out until you’ve had roper legal advice.

I'm dubious about whether or not he really has a lawyer because he's talking a lot of bull.

I would only worry about getting less than 50% custody if your mum is on the sex offenders register or something.

He is demonstrating that he's going to be very awkward about things. Be prepared for a long fight, don't trust him until he signs things and accept that he's not after an amicable split.

You are being very reasonable suggesting 2/2/3 btw

My solicitor strongly advised me not to move out. I stayed until the house was sold.

Do you know why this is?
As long as I live here he isn't going to 'allow' me any time with my children without him being there.

Sorry, what now? I think you should just let him propose that in court. He will expose himself as a controlling arse he is.

The whole point of separating is that you dont have to look at his sorry arse any more.

He may claim as the main carer if he stays in the home and you don't. Ime. Took me 4 years to claw time with my dc.. Be very wary of leaving op.