Help! Should I apply - child arrangements

[Newcastlecovleeds]

Hi all. I share a one year old with an abusive ex.

The court gave him an undertaking and he can’t contact me unless by solicitors. He’s not seen little one for about ten months. At the undertaking hearing (it was actually an applications for NMO) he told the Judge he would apply for contact. He hasn’t and I fear he could abduct bang if given the chance.
Should I apply for the child arrangement order to make sure there is something?

I'd be tempted not to as if you start proceedings that then gives him the push to go for contact. If he isn't bothering then it could be all talk - if he does start proceedings himself he pays and you get the same say in it as you would if you applied.

That was the advice I got from a couple of DA professionals but yours may say otherwise

Thanks for sharing. Is that even with the real risk of kidnapping/ abduction? I know you can only give an opinion?

And when you say it gives him the push to go for contact, do you mean by making an application? He’s unlikely to be granted direct unsupervised contact due to his circumstances

You can't guarantee that re what contact he will get btw. Courts almost always grant some kind of contact in cases.. not presuming to know anything but you really have to be the worst of the worst to get no contact at all. If he sees to be making measurable change in supervised it will eventually go onto unsupervised.
Also - i agree with the previous poster, don't rock the boat by making an application for a CAO as you're giving him the push to seek contact and it may blow up in your face and might not go the way you want it to.

ok thank you for your help. I get what you mean

Would you say to apply for a prohibited steps order?

I would just leave it alone.
You're hugely catastrophising at the moment and overthinking.
You also can't get a PSO on the basis "you think" something will happen, a PSO will only be granted if he has proven to have been a risk in the past and actually made threats (which you can evidence) to kidnap/abduct.
Just leave it well alone and don't rock the boat.
If he makes an application then you will get a chance to put your position across.
Your child is one years old and I presume isn't even in nursery yet? either way, there is just no way he can abduct her if he/she is either in your care or nursery's care as she is always with someone.

I agree, I wouldn't poke the bear if he's staying away at the moment.

Gather evidence and be ready to act if he surfaces. Do you have the money there for legal help if needed?

There is a risk in our case and we are to ring 999 if he approaches us but if you apply for CAO they will contact him and ask if he agrees/wants contact which if he is wanting to upset you he would likely do.

Currently as he isn't seeing your child and you don't wish him to have contact he will have to go to the effort of applying for a CAO himself - my ex had the same choice and couldn't be bothered so it's of no major concern.

Also, if you have valid safeguarding concerns and somehow he did take your child the police would be able to get your child back as safeguarding trumps any PR rights - again this is only what I was told, with my son I got him back before it came to this.

Sometimes it’s the reality check like the one you just have that one needs to hear. I’m sure my catastrophising is a trauma response. You've made some helpful points and I now agree that he should be the one going to the effort and I should just be ready if and when he does. Thanks @Courtadvice22

Thank you. Helpful perspective

Thanks for sharing your experience. It makes total sense.