CAFCASS Section 7 Report

[Toomuchwine89]

After 9 months of hell, refuge, temporary accommodation and so much stress from abusive ex, the Section 7 report is done.

I feel like I'm in a dream... just can't believe I've finally been heard.

Their recommendations are that I can relocate 2.5 hours away (we've been offered a house but are at dire risk of losing it if things don't move along), that ex's application for a PSO is dismissed, and that after supervised contact finishes in November, he moves onto 2 hours a month, supervised, in the community, away from our new home.

I was over the moon... but then my solicitor rang me today and said that she thinks there's no way he's going to accept that level of contact. He's already said how he refuses to be a "weekend dad" and has started speaking about shared care, which CAFCASS don't seem to agree with at all.

I know that judges don't always go with the CAFCASS recommendations, but I was under the impression that they usually do, and that he couldn't get the recommendations changed too much? Or can he?

I'm worrying now!

The Judge isn't duty bound to follow the CAFCASS recommendation, however they would need VERY good reason to depart from it and they would have to ensure that is explained during the hearing.
I wouldn't start worrying yet, having CAFCASS write this is a really big green tick in your corner. I would direct via your Solicitor to ask the Court to ask the CAFCASS officer to attend the next hearing also so that they can explain if needed.
Doesn't matter what your ex wants, it what the Judge thinks is in your child's best interest. Having CAFCASS behind you will add huge weight to your case.

Have you heard give a man enough rope op?. Abusive men as you more than know hate being told what to do and what is happening.. Let him rip... His words won't be that he wants what is best for dc.. More like what he wants. He risks that small contact if he protests enough. So let him rip.. My ex wanted contact with my dc. Totally on his terms and his terms only. He got zilch.. Zero.
*my dc not shared so not same circs but same abuser who expected his own way...
Good luck with the move..

Thank you, this is what I thought.

Oh the whole thing from start to finish has been about how he feels and what he wants. No thought for how the children might feel!

@Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand same here..ex didn't turn up at final hearing cos he knew he wasn't getting what he wanted and hated that. I had no solicitor only a cafcass guardian who was impartial but could see straight through him. Judge agreed with her for no direct contact so he came out with nothing.

I have heard that saying!

I just want an end to the proceedings, so we can move on and start to live a life rather than being in limbo.

He just wants it all. He's stayed in our 5 bed house while me and 6 children were cramped in refuge for 7 months. He wants contact but he won't agree to the move. He wants to "co-parent" with me but has made all sorts of horrible accusations.

My solicitor has made an urgent application to court today. We're so close to losing the house, and it's gorgeous. The kids all want to go.

I wish this would happen. There's no way he wouldn't turn up and not have his attention in court.

He's seen them once in 9 months, supervised in a contact centre, and only because I agreed (not court ordered). He gave them a fuck tonne of presents and got a glowing report from the supervisors. It was awful.

But the CAFCASS officer has clearly seen right through him. Apparently he couldn't muster any empathy for the children, which I've been saying to him for years! And his adults were adult focused, because he has been the victim in all of this, you see.

Sorry, his ANSWERS were adult focused!

My ex tried to hit me across the stand... The judge saw at last his facade slipping....

He hadn't seen his kids since October 2021 as they were scared to be with him after things he used to say so I stopped contact. Its taken 1.5 years to get the decision. He too thought he could buy the kids with lots of presents and ultimately thought he could pay his way through the court system. I had a different judge every time I was at court which worried me but the judge was not impressed that he lied and said he was out of the country for the final hearing. He wasn't as his own solicitor had seen him in the local town centre! I think after the evidence I submitted he had been advised it didn't look good for him and he couldn't face not getting the decision he wanted in front of me

What an absolute fool.

I've got the screen thing in between us

I'm pleased for you and your children xx

Would love to start afresh without him in our lives but he won't go away while he's still getting the narcissistic supply of 1) stressing me out and 2) the adoration of two toddlers who can be bought with presents and cupcakes!

Wowwww.

Ex's solicitor has replied, and his wants are so far from what CAFCASS have recommended, it's insane.

His wants:

He's refused my sister to supervise, but agreed to my friend. And he wants it to be 6 hours, every two weeks, for 1-2 months. That is NOT what my friend is expecting so I very much doubt she can do that?!

Then he wants it to be unsupervised for the day for a short time.

Then he wants to have them every other weekend, Friday to Sunday. And half of all holidays. But not the holidays doesn't have annual leave. Oh and he works every other Saturday so I need to be flexible. Oh and he might be late to pick ups due to his job so I have to understand that but we can use a parenting app to communicate.

He also wants to alternate all birthdays and Christmases. Even his birthday. If it's "my" day with the children, he wants them made available on his birthday. But he'll kindly do the same for me.

As he'll miss them so much in between contact times, he wants to buy them tablets so they can video call each other. They're 2 and just turned 4. They don't own tablets. I categorically do not want them to own tablets at this age and especially not to video call him!!

I know these are words he has paid his solicitor to write - for all I know, his solicitor is thinking "what an idiot"... and they clearly had to persuade him to agree to the move, as apparently he has "reluctantly agreed" to it.

But of course I am absolutely terrified that a judge is going to agree with him and go against the CAFCASS report. I obviously won't be agreeing to any of the above at this point.

Help?!

Huh? So Cafcass has made their recommendation on the basis he isn't safe?

He's then come back full pelt...unless he's telling solicitors one sided stories I guess but surely they have seen it.

I'm a father and I'm trying to gain access as being withheld but haven't had Cafcass yet. However you would assume a report like that would knock him back a peg or two, surely?

However, tis the trait of abusers, not taking no for an answer. Could it be that?

Thanks for your reply, and I hope you get contact reinstated.

Oh he absolutely won't take no for an answer. One reason I had to leave him.

He'll definitely be telling his solicitor one side. The cafcass report even says of him "He felt that he was a victim, which I believed to be a misrepresentation".

This is insane

My ex breaks every court order in some way and hasn't really had any consequences so far. Although kids guardian suggested a contact centre and he said no so the judge didn't force it, which I feel is massive as they like to push contact regardless.

It may be that solicitor has to do what he instructs perhaps, even though it may be a reach.

I mean the fact you were in refuge that long surely would hold some weight.

Thanks. Yours sounds as stubborn as mine and has done the same, one side that makes no sense at all. Straight up ignoring everything, not even sure will turn up to court.

It may be they just look at that and be like...hmmm I don't think so. Seems like he's trying whatever he can get away with rather than what's realistic.

Am I going to look bad if I say no to all of that shit? My friend has just said there's no way she can supervise for that long and leave her own children at home on their own.

One thing I'd compromise on is him eventually having them in the community, for the day, unsupervised. Does that sound reasonable?

Fwiw, CAFCASS have seen videos of him screaming abuse and swearing at the older children (not his), shouting and swearing about how he's "fucking sick of everything being centered on the kids and having no time for anything" and punching walls in front of the youngest children. Screaming at me whilst a then 8 month old baby cries in the background.

Oh and forcefully throwing clothes at a 9 year old

Jesus Christ, sorry you had to deal with that.

If it was me, I wouldn't agree with that, no. I mean if you just bow down it will happen won't it. I dunno in your case I would say you're right to not agree.

Likewise with me I'm on the opposite side but it's not me that been abusive, so I'm going for residency but if does come back with more I'll be going against it.

I mean if you look at it he's already going against you and the recommendation so how much worse could you look in comparison?

Well that's a good point.

It just feels like I'm trapped. Social services want you to safeguard, and family court screams "children need fathers!"

After years of gaslighting I never know if I'm doing the right thing or not.

But I can't agree to that. It's so far from the CAFCASS recommendations, we may as well not have gone through court (which he instigated, obviously thinking at the first hearing they'd just give him what he wanted if he put on his sad face)

Yeah can understand that it turns your head inside out doesn't it. Even now I'm like...am I doing the right thing. Mines weird though, like nothing makes sense.

I'm kind of disgusted too because it's diminishing real cases like yours.

But no I don't think you are in the wrong he seems volatile and you can't meet those terms anyway.

The judge left the room to listen to a recording of him shouting, screaming and swearing at my 2. Could clearly hear my 9yo dd terrified in the background agreeing with him so he would stop the shouting. I think that's what made the judge come to his decision. He said he was disgusted at what he'd heard. I really hope you get the outcome you want

Even without such evidence my older dc from first marriage didn't have to see their df... Witnessed too much of his temper the judge said... Say no to it all op. After all you disagree with it all so why bend at all? Give an inch he will insist on a mile imo..

Omg, are you my best friend?! She said exactly the same to me earlier.

I'm going to disagree with it all. He's clearly throwing his toys out of the pram because CAFCASS agreed with my relocation (although he said he's going to relocate there too 😞) and is now trying to exert control in other ways.

I wonder if the judge will want to see the videos. CAFCASS have described how bad they are though.

Why do you have to provide a contact supervisor? Can't it be a professional?