Email accusation

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These are the words in an email sent to my Dh from a middle aged woman (who lives down the road in a big house on her own):
’we will not tolerate the animosity and abuse directed at us from both yourself and your friends’.

She came over to my husband who was chatting to a couple of neighbours about the cricket and she starting shouting about conspiracy theories that the neighbours were all against her. We would have ignored it but unfortunately one of her male employees then started shouting at my Dh a week later when Dh was walking home. He said my Dh swore at her (he didn’t) and the man weirdly wagged his furiously finger not at Dh but to his side. This employee works on land that Dh walks by.

She is obviously telling people an untrue story. The neighbours are upset for Dh and can back him up. Ironically Dh was the one speaking to her to calm her down and gave her his email. She hasnt got dementia as far as I know but I think her mental health is poor. I think the ‘we’ is her wider family. It is not a case of mistaken identity she is very specific in that my husband is some sort of ringleader.

We really don’t want to go down the legal route but want her to know you can’t expect to tell lies about Dh. It’s really stressing us out. The email is just a string of demands and lies about us (me as well) and the neighbours being on her land and other nonsensical stuff which are easy to ignore/refute but any ideas on how to address the ‘abuse’ accusations in a non- inflammatory way?

Probably hard to advise without knowing details of the allegations and demands.

id probably just politely reply to email acknowledging receipt, refuting allegations and say hope to resolve amicably

thanks for replying. One demand was Dh tells her exactly who has been stepping on to her land. She thinks he knows. Then an allegation that he has been on her land. And then in the next sentence demanding if he doesn’t know he should be asking around and acting like a detective until he finds out the answer for her. !?!? It sounds bizarre because it is. But easy just to say we don’t agree.

But is it really stressful when she has now got an aggressive bloke involved, believing Dh was being abusive towards her, who works close to where we live. Dh wishes he hadn’t spoken to her but was trying to help. The email has been written via a big family firm so presumably a lot of people have seen it.

Yeah it does sound odd. Like I say keep it simple and polite.
Is it’s come from solicitors then you can have plenty of fun wasting her money if you want….
dear sirs, we acknowledge receipt of your letter dated xxx. We refute all of the accusations and are unable to help your client with their queries as we have no knowledge of aforementioned incident.
kind regards xxxx

if you keep it simple and don’t state anything relevant you can play avery long and expensive game for them….you wont be paying for legal advice but you wont. Obviously there may come a point where you require legal advice but if it is as you say

Solicitors will send pretty much whatever bayshit letters they are instructed to.
He needs to reply via her solicitor, stating that he has categorically not been on her land, has no way of knowing if anyone else has and he absolutely refutes her statements regarding verbal abuse and bullying. That he wishes to have no interaction with her and requests no further contact directly or indirectly. Keep copies of all correspondence.

But it's not come from a solicitor - it's come directly from the distressed/confused woman herself after OP's dh was daft enough to give her an email address?

So best just blocked. She probably needs all sorts of support, which she's sadly unlikely to be getting, but from OP's POV there is nothing to be gained from further involvement.

I would do exactly as UndercoverCop advises, except maybe change the last bit slightly to say 'any further contact will be considered harassment and reported appropriately', just so she's aware she might end up in the wrong side of the law if she carries on. I wonder if Adult Social Services would do anything if you reported her strange behaviour 🤔

@CorvusPurpureus true, not sure where I got that angle from…
but still would suggest the same…polite decline

Not sure what this bit of OP's last post means if not a solicitors firm 🤔

The email has been written via a big family firm so presumably a lot of people have seen it

I was reading 'via a big family firm' as influential local people dragged/copied in to the original emails.

Because if the troubled lady has instructed a solicitor, it doesn't matter if it's an individual practitioner or the biggest firm in a 50 mile radius, they'd still be regulated, subject to client confidentiality & decidedly wary of giving OP & her dh grounds to consider themselves harassed.

apologies drifting off but ‘D’h snoring so I am back. The family firm are not solicitors but a big family that own a lot of property round here. So a lot of people rent off them (not us) and they hold a lot of sway. Big in the church etc. In fact Dh has spoken to her brother in the past and gets on with him so no idea what is going on with the sister.

We don’t want anything to escalate to solicitors etc but at the same time want to refute the abuse and also tell her (politely but firmly) to stop making allegations. We don’t know what she is saying or who she’s saying it too but at least one person believed her enough to have a go at my husband.

Just try to disfuse the situation in that case. Lots of “there’s been a misunderstanding” “we’re not sure of the complaint” “
”crossed wires bullshit”
it might be tempting to go all guns blazing but at the end of the day sounds like you’re living in a realatively small coo. Try and ignore the bullshit

I’m sure someone will come along shortly and tell you to get mouthy and stand your ground etc etc.
again the details you have given are quite vague. But growing up in a village and knowing what sort of batshittery people can come up with sometimes it’s better to rise above.

You posted in Legal so you're getting legal advice. I'd forward the lot to Adult Social Services and flag it as a care need. She sounds unwell.

If you did name anyone surely that amounts to slander or libel ?

If the woman is not in a safe state of mind can you not report her to the police and social services?
I’d ignore the e-mail, make sure she’s blocked and unable to send further e-mails.
and give her a wide birth.

Oh give over, it’s not America

Yes thanks. We have spent hours writing lots of different replies.
I feel so upset on behalf of my husband. The bloke really shook him up - as he couldn’t believe what he was hearing about himself.
He’s worried that he’ll come to the door (she already has and had a go at us both pre email) as they know where we live. It’s bizarre and we just want it to stop. When someone says a lie so adamantly you do start questioning your sanity a bit - it’s difficult to reason with unreasonable. I have never met anyone like her which is why it’s so difficult responding.

Is it a place where you grew up? Village people are nuts. I’m assuming you’re in a relatively small community….they obviously have nothing better to do.
last time I went to my childhood village pub I was told my parents killed my neighbour so they could have a bigger garden

Yep you understand. We have been told by her we don’t know anything as ‘you’ve only lived here 15 years and my family have owned property here 300 years’. We own a small business, her family one is multigenerational.
I think part of it is that she is annoyed ‘newcomers’ don’t have the deference to her family name. As we don’t rent from her she knows we have no hold.

Anyway must go to sleep. Thanks for the ideas to all posters.

No point replying. It'll just fuel the confusion.

You block any means of contact. Make adult social services aware that you are worried about the woman for the reasons in your OP - she is a distressed, confused neighbour & you are concerned.

It's vanishingly unlikely that they'll have capacity to do much, just on the basis that she's behaving eccentrically & looking for fights to pick - but at least it's an early blip on the radar, which might be part of her eventually getting help.

Then just IGNORE. If anyone locally asks, you answer honestly that you barely know X, you think she's terribly muddled, & you're giving her a wide berth because she has come out with some odd comments directed at your family - poor X, she's a troubled soul.

I would reply once. “It sounds like you have me confused with someone else. None of what you describe is familiar to me. With you the best and hope you can get it resolved.”

Then ignore the rest. Document data and times of all contact.

I'd ignore it but if she persists ask for clarification of the complaint as you have no idea what she's talking with. And so on. Don't go to a solicitor.