Messaging child’s father

[Honeypot257]

Hello I am wanting to take child matters out of court. Will in affect the outcome of the court if I I contact my ex and try to come to an agreement with my child’s father in hope to take it out of court.

the process is very long. And I feel the same outcome can be settled between us

Are you talking about child arrangements? Can you access mediation? Usually (in England) people are expected to try mediation before court unless there is a reason they can’t (such as violence).

It depends on what your current relationship is with him and why it's gone to court in the first place.

It’s gone to court over missunderstanding and there is a history of abuse. He’s already having supervised visits and there are safe guarding concerns. I just think if supervised visits r gonna take place is there any need to keep going back and forth from court to have more investigations by Cafcass. The court is causing nothing but stress. I just don’t see what the point is and can’t cope with years of court proceedings. I’m happy to give him parental responsibility as I know it’s likely they give it to him regardless of the history. And I’m happy for her to have contact in safe
place (with cameras) with him and one of my family members

Plus I feel they are going to give an outcome with both don’t want and that does not suit our child.

I think you would be really daft to try and handle this out of court.

You can't give him parental responsibility then insist he only has supervised and filmed contact.

I’ve been told is likely he will be given parental responsibility. She’s not comfortable with him and would need someone she knows. Contact doesn’t stay in the centre so eventually he will be out of there. The idea is to try build some trust and go from there. Without the stress9f court and move forward for the next 18 years

We have not spoken for a while. I’m trying to meet somewhere in the middle and be realistic.

Why would you give up parental responsibility and why do you think court would give it to dad who sees Dc only when supervised? Obviously this won’t happen. Is it him that says it will? Via his family? Keep going with court.

@TizerorFizz both have parental responsibility. My solicitor has said the threshold of a father applying for parental responsibility is very low. I’ve been told him turning up to the contact centre is enough even if he does not have her unsupervised. I’ve been in the court for over a year now. Even though he has admitted to my safety concerns the court does not seem very bothered. I believe the court is focused on having both parents active as much as possible. I would rather atleast a decent relationship with her father than have no contact with her and not hear from her until she is returned.

My main question on this thread. If he doesn’t want to take it out of court will it go against me if I contact him during a court proceeding. Im trying to give him another chance and atleast be amicable rather than spend years in court battling eachother for the same outcome.

It would only go against you if he chose to be a dick about it and said you were bullying him or trying to avoid giving him fair contact.

It wouldn't be in court if your relationship was amicable enough to resolve it without.

No do not contact

If anything you could ask your solicitor to write a letter setting out exactly what you propose and ask him to respond to the solicitor .

If he agrees the solicitor can present this to the judge and the judge will either sign it off if suitable or refuse to sign it if it doesn't appear to be in the best interest of your child

History of abuse...
He would be seeing dd the minimum court ordered not trying to handle it myself... Could go against you imo.

Even if he agreed to what you want, without a court order he could easily go back on it and that's not safe for you or your DC.

Given your update I think this post is the most sensible suggestion.

As he is abusive is it likely him taking you to court is more about controlling, upsetting you than wanting child contact. If so then I doubt that anything will be sorted outside of court and the route to go is as little contact with him
as possible.

Why not trying mediation? You can do the initial meeting for free to ascertain if it could work. You can then build an agreement that although not legal, could be looked at by a judge if it does end in court.

I wouldn't. If you give him parental responsibility in the absence of a court order he has equal rights to you. Nothing is legally binding. He can turn up and pick child up from school, walk out of contact centre with them and refuse to return to you and there will be absolutely nothing the staff or police can do about it. He'll have as much right to have the child as you.

If you have a court order saying he must be supervised and that the child lives with you, then you can get child returned much easier. Having the court order offers much much more protection even if he has parental responsibility.

Thank you everyone for your good advice. This is what happened in our relationship I would let my guard down and try give him and chance and it would be worse than the last time. At the moment I don’t feel the court is taking very seriously what has been said in the reports. I would have thought if u admitted to trying to take a child when they were born that would go against you. But clearly not. He has also displayed how he plans to control our daughter in the Cafcass report. We have a section 7 coming up and hopefully that’s where they tie everything together and see how abnormal behaviour. The stress of not knowing is killing me. It’s all I think about in fear of him having her alone it’s even causing my hair to fall out.

I think I am trying to think of anything to handle this situation and from this post. Is probably not a good idea. ❤️

You should get your solicitor or barrister to handle it. Not you. It’s important to step back.