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Original poster

Child Arrangement Order Advice

15 replies

ElEmEnOhPee · 09/07/2023 16:51

Really looking for some advice regarding getting a child arrangement order.

Ex isn't in the picture. Abusive, drug addict, in and out of prison and now lives in different area. We have zero contact.

I'd like a Child Arrangement Order just so I am able to take my DS out of the country without Exs permission, I don't want to have to attempt to locate and contact him for permission every time we want to go away. We haven't gone on holiday abroad before due to this issue.

He is likely to give permission for holiday but I'd rather not have to trace him (at the minute I could track him down but this wouldn't always possible as he gets kicked out of places due to being in and out of prison/drugs/violence/theft). I'd also rather he didn't know I'm not at my address for specific amounts of time.

If I apply for a CAO would he need to attend court and what happens if he doesn't?
Can he just speak with the court to say he doesn't contest the application?
Is there another way getting a CAO if we both agree?
Can't he just sign something without the need for court?

I don't think he'll contest but I doubt he'd be willing to travel to court and if that's the case I'm worried they'll rearrange the hearing at my cost which doesn't seem fair as it's going to expensive enough as it is.

Also does anyone have an idea of costs and is it worth doing it all myself without the help of a solicitor?

Thanks to anyone can help, this has been stressing me out for long enough now so I must get it sorted.

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 09/07/2023 17:48

If he will be happy, why not just get him to sign a letter giving you permanent permission to take your children out of the country. If he is willing to do that, you won't need to go to court.

AmITooOldToDoThis · 09/07/2023 17:57

I didn’t think you needed permission if the trip is less than 28 days?

TeddyBeans · 09/07/2023 18:01

They won't rearrange if he doesn't go to court. Our CAO was granted during COVID so hearings were remote and DS's dad didn't make himself available in a private place so was removed from the hearing. The CAO was granted regardless

insuranceone · 09/07/2023 18:04

Don't know if this helps by dh has never once been asked for permission to let dsd go on holiday, there's never been any issues.

Original poster
ElEmEnOhPee · 09/07/2023 18:16

prh47bridge · 09/07/2023 17:48

If he will be happy, why not just get him to sign a letter giving you permanent permission to take your children out of the country. If he is willing to do that, you won't need to go to court.

My understanding is that in the permission letter you need to write down the specific dates of the holiday so I'm not sure if a permanent one would work? Happy to be corrected though, I'd be delighted if this is this case!

OP posts:
Original poster
ElEmEnOhPee · 09/07/2023 18:17

AmITooOldToDoThis · 09/07/2023 17:57

I didn’t think you needed permission if the trip is less than 28 days?

I believe that is only with the CAO in place, without that written permission is required. With the CAO I could then take DS out of the country for 28 days but without it I could be stopped from flying at the airport.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElEmEnOhPee · 09/07/2023 18:19

insuranceone · 09/07/2023 18:04

Don't know if this helps by dh has never once been asked for permission to let dsd go on holiday, there's never been any issues.

Thank you, do they have the same surname? Me and DS don't and I think for that reason I'd be more likely to be stopped, I really don't want to book anything without being sure because I'd be heartbroken to get to the airport and be refused on the plane. Although I know someone who was stopped and they were married, had the same surname etc but they hadn't taken written permission, they had to do a mad dash from the airport to get a letter written up in time before they were allowed to fly!

OP posts:
Original poster
ElEmEnOhPee · 09/07/2023 18:21

TeddyBeans · 09/07/2023 18:01

They won't rearrange if he doesn't go to court. Our CAO was granted during COVID so hearings were remote and DS's dad didn't make himself available in a private place so was removed from the hearing. The CAO was granted regardless

Thank you so much, this is really reassuring! 😊

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 09/07/2023 18:35

Would you need to tell him about the holiday ?

insuranceone · 09/07/2023 18:43

@ElEmEnOhPee no they don't have the same surname either

Original poster
ElEmEnOhPee · 09/07/2023 18:43

greyhairnomore · 09/07/2023 18:35

Would you need to tell him about the holiday ?

If I need his permission then I would but I don't believe I'd need to with the CAO?

OP posts:
Wittow · 09/07/2023 18:44

I'm a single mum and have travelled abroad for years with my daughter. No one has ever asked me where her dad was or where my CAO is.

greyhairnomore · 09/07/2023 18:45

Wittow · 09/07/2023 18:44

I'm a single mum and have travelled abroad for years with my daughter. No one has ever asked me where her dad was or where my CAO is.

Same

amylou8 · 09/07/2023 18:55

I've travelled abroad with my eldest dozens of times, father not in the picture, different surname. It never occurred to me I'd need any sort of letter and I was never once questioned.

Original poster
ElEmEnOhPee · 09/07/2023 19:04

Hmm interesting so many of you haven't had an issue, not sure if I should just risk booking something then but I'd be so gutted to be stopped. My DS is 13 (almost) and maybe they'd take that into consideration even if we were stopped, if asked my DS would truthfully say he's estranged from his dad and hasn't seen him for years🤔

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