Family court

[HappyPuffin]

I’m helping a friend through a very difficult family court situation , very long story but I’m just wondering how long a mum can continue to stick two fingers up at everybody and everything ! Contact with his daughter was re established after two years of not seeing as mum angry that he left her - she made many unproven allegations to stop him seeing her but now all unproven etc so told contact had to start and custody to be decided - he had 4 meetings at a contact centre as she refused to meet elsewhere , then refused to bring her daughter along - waiting for an urgent family court date but I know they will struggle to get a date - next hearing mid July to assess how the contact has gone - when will the family court decide enough is enough and this woman face some serious consequences ? She just seems to get away with all this , meanwhile money is flowing down the drain - this mum is unfit to be a mum for many reasons - I wonder if a section 37 will be determined ? This is infuriating as if this was happening to the female I’m quite sure there would have been a different story - I’ve know this father many years , he is the most gentle , caring , hardworking soul , never been in trouble , he nor his daughter doesn’t deserve this .

The exact same situation. And I was hoping someone who's been through it had a response. It's just the injustice of it. Child protection plan was issued as Ex has the worst taste in men. Ran off with this guy. Ex moved kids across the country. Made fasle allegations to social services who are investigating her against the dad who's completely unaware of any of it. SS puts a no contact in place Without even calling the other parent. No evidence. Nothing. Year later. She's homeless running from DV partner number 2. Social finally see she's a manipulative liar. Help dad get access again. Now it's going through the courts to protect himself. So this can't happen again. She's told lies to secure legal aid. And made a mockery of the directives issued so far. Don't show up to court. Twice. Yet she's allowed extension after extension

The evidence in court shows poor attendance at school . I thought the school alert safeguarding with 70 days missed? Never did.
Hospital had to alert safeguarding due to her refusal to take the children to the doctor's. I was wondering if this is enough added to the section 47 she was subjected to for 2 years. If the judge would order a change in resistance? Is it worth asking for it . Do they ever see the child that is at risk . Or is it. Mother is best.
Do women who lie to secure legal aid ever get reprimanded?

It's such an unfair system for men. If the father has been asked to go to visitation centre to see the child, best to just keep visiting. If mother doesn't bring child there, this hopefully shows to judge that mother is being unreasonable.

Just keep supporting your friend. The system is awful for men. Tell your friend to not slag the mother off to judges/ cafcass. Just say you're disappointed she doesn't support the child's relationship with both of their parents. Be child centric. Consider joining families need fathers for support. I wish you and your friend all the best.

Thank you - father is a very calm person , he doesn’t speak badly about mum in public but behind closed doors ! The judge and cafcass have all finally realised what’s going on here and how unreasonable , objectionable and unpleasant this mother is - this past week though she dug herself into an ever deeper hole , there must be repercussions at the next hearing . It’s staggering how the system still is biased towards the mother.

They certainly don’t seem to deal harshly enough with these mothers !

This part of your post is wrong OP

I wonder if a section 37 will be determined ? This is infuriating as if this was happening to the female I’m quite sure there would have been a different story

I have seen more than one example of family court judges showing clear bias towards men, giving chance after chance and directing contact that is traumatic for the child despite clear evidence that the male is using that contact to continue to abuse his ex partner.

Not doubting your friends position, it sounds very typical of cases that end up
In family court - but it can work both ways I'm afraid

Hello. I'm glad that everyone finally sees what you see on a daily basis. Did the courts listen and request the section 37 report?. First hearing in 6 weeks. No idea what to expect. All photos of neglect. School attendance and safeguarding reports made by the doctors have been sent to the courts. He was self representing but now has a solicitor.

Unfortunately the system is geared up to favour the resident parent and the non resident parent has to jump through hoops to even get normal contact.

Courts allow a lot to slide under the rug, it's quite appalling really.

There are no hoops left for him to jump through. She's put him through every assessment there is. Now she's resulted in flat out lies.. this time though there is evidence she's neglecting the kids. I just hope it's seen as it is. She just counter accuses whenever she's under question. Is poor school attendance and neglect enough for action to be taken? She's had all the support there is from social services.

So is anyone represented by a decent barrister? They are far better at getting judges to understand these difficult situations and manipulation: by both men and women! It’s their job.

Not sure he can afford that - money is running out , she gets public funding he gets nothing - his only option is to walk away and hope one day his child seeks him out - that’s what I think her plan is , be as obstructive as possible so his money rubs out , meanwhile she seems to get away with this facing no repercussions

You're not alone, I'm going through this too. I've been in an abusive marriage but didn't quite see it for what it was until I gained distance. My wife has taken the house, money and is withholding the children, won't even allow a phone call and has been three months now.

Has made false accusations about DA and said SS and police but hasn't actually reported me to them but instead lied to obtain legal aid who have pinned me legally and treating me like a criminal. Can't go near my home or communicate otherwise NMO.

All communication through solicitors and been trying months to get contact but just keeps delaying, not responding or moving goal posts. Now it's in hands of court...have welfare concerns also so see where that goes.

It's absolutely cruel and how this is even possible, to cut a parent out all based on lies without recourse is plain wrong.

Jibbajab
I've witnessed the same.. and I promise you the courts want children to have both parents... Remember that when you feel like everyone is on her side. You'll get access that she cannot withhold or change. It will be worth it all.. kids aren't little forever . She can make as many accusations about how absuive you are. Unless the kids are being "abused". And she has evidence. It will come out. The problem with lying is. You need proof. What ever you do. Don't give her any ammo. Don't send messages. Or anything. Stay well clear. And have a witness or a recording. You can contact the school to see how the kids are. Etc. Get medical records attendance records.

I think without representation it’s a huge uphill struggle. So get a solicitor and a barrister. It’s the only way! It is a court after all. A barrister works out a strategy and will ask the right questions to get to the truth. Clearly what’s happening at the moment is not working. Courts like a structured argument from a barrister. They are experts at getting the other side to show their worst side and advocate for you. They might also give you an honest appraisal of what you might get. I think finding the money is imperitive. All else has failed.

Yeah I'm not backing down, I've been a SAHD for nearly ten years. Everything was manipulation at first and I actually had unsupervised access the last time I saw them. Everything done so far is contradictory, I have video proof and messages and my solicitor at least can see it all and is gob smacked, so I'm hoping courts will too.

I'm not the only one either, all family has been cut both sides the children are isolated alone with her now and have been for months. I can't do anything though because everything is a bait for a NMO so got to wait it out.

I'm going for residency because there's a track record of abuse and controlling behavior that's just way out of the norm. Happily making progress on financial side throughout though, while withholding.

Last I was offered contact centre but that hasn't materialised either yet and knowing her won't be legit.

So in my case I have domestic, financial, post separation and legal abuse thrown my way so far.

My friend had to go through the courts. As soon as he appointed a barrister things started moving. It was very expensive. He took out loans, credit cards but he got the answers.

OP from my experience so far it's all strategy to get you to a point where you run out of money, give up and walk away.

Don't fall for the trap, you are playing mind chess in a way and their solicitors facilitate it. If you do, all is lost and they get what they wanted and you will be in a worse position down the line as you walked away.

Legal aid so far in my opinion are really unprofessional and ambulance chasers, in comparison to my private solicitors. They have taken everything at face value without evidence, came straight out the gate treating me like I've been released from prison and making lots of mistakes in correspondence and are actually digging a hole themselves. Why would they care... it's money.

I could be wrong but I'm assuming they generally deal with families who don't have any clue or funds so are aggressive and in most cases the accused party gives up. Whereas if you look into it more, the case needs to have a good chance of being successful in court for them to represent and in my case I think they've bitten off more they can chew.

Don't lose hope OP call their bluff and push on.

I have seen more than one example of family court judges showing clear bias towards men, giving chance after chance and directing contact that is traumatic for the child despite clear evidence that the male is using that contact to continue to abuse his ex partner.

I fully agree, and am currently experiencing exactly this.

I don't doubt that there is abuse facilitated by the courts on both sides, but in my experience, it is strongly weighted against women.

Sorry to hear you are going through this, not right.

I've seen comments on both sides saying courts favour men and then men's forums saying they favour women, hard to make sense of it. I know they are supposed to be neutral and interest of the children but I've not reached that stage yet so can't comment on that.

Either way the children should be protected from the abusive parent and although they say it's not against them, they do witness it and it does affect them. Not only that abusive person to me anyway would have no qualms extending that abuse or as they grow older.

Same here. Going for full residency or at least 50/50 the week days so the kids actually go to school. Doctors and dentists all evidence sent to the courts. the judges don't like false allegations at all.. he also did the 6 months contact centres etc. It's now left her with an empty bag of accusations. She put makeup on a young child. Took photos and accused of hitting the kids. School had to interview and confirm no injuries.. makes you wonder what it takes to actually see the mother needs help.
So unfortunately You have to do the supervision etc.. it's more precautionary than an actual concern.

Let me know your progress and we will the same . She's not turned up to 2 hearings so far. Next one in 8 weeks.

Wish you luck, hopefully by sounds of it you have a fair amount of weight on your side at least.

Mine don't go to school anyway so I can't get any help that way but that kind of makes it worse in a sense. Little education, limited social and no family whatsoever...

That's my view too, like abusive but also the world view is not that of a normal person, so warped, hate filled and entitled.

Yeah I'll do it if it comes, I have nothing to hide and if anything it will work in my favour and that was offered even before court. Although, I think this may have been realised I get the feeling they thought it was them supervising lol.

You'd think just by not turning up that would be an indication...madness.

She finds the loophole. Every time extension after extension. I don't think the courts care about deadlines of paperwork. Or none attendance. She picks and choses what post gets delivered and what doesn't.. kids don't go to school. Have access to a doctor when needed and have had a parent taken away from them. Like I said. There is clearly a mental condition that they have. The need to be as vindictive and spiteful revengeful it can't be hidden it bubbles out of them. He just went where he was told. Did everything he was told. May aswell have handed her a shovel to keep digging.. a new allegation without evidence. He's accepted that the allegations will be infinite.. this will be the first time a judge sees it all.. so. Fingers crossed they see It for what it is .

Yeah, something is missing for sure. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if it was me let alone carry on day to day like nothing has happened.

Painful waiting for movement as the longer it takes the more damage is being done. Hopefully the truth comes out for you soon.

Are you party to the proceedings?
if not your friend could be found in contempt of court for sharing what goes on in there with you in such level of detail

Totally agree. You simply are wrong to make this assumption. I left a very violent relationship. Multiple arrests of my ex. Child protection plan. Cafcass seeing through him.. but his crafty and very expensive barristers have managed to convince at least one judge I'm 50% responsible for abuse.. I'm court ordered to make my daughter available to him fortnightly at the contact centre.. and to add insult to injury I have to drive near enough 100 miles round trip AND pay half the cost of the contact centre.

You are totally wrong to make this assumption.