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Legal matters

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Moving back home (abroad) + children + divorce

10 replies

risingsunny · 28/06/2023 16:44

Please I need some advice before doing anything that can ruin our lives.

I want to separate/divorce from DH. He has a terrible porn addiction + using cams. It’s been 10 years and I just can’t fight this anymore. We have two DS (6 years old and 1 year old).

He is British and I am not (I’m from Argentina with no British passport but with indefinite leave to remain visa).

I’ve got no family or friends here. Job pays little. Back home I can work with my family (they own their own company and I’m an accountant. My father offered to employ me so I wouldn’t be short of money of in need of child maintenance).

My fear is that I am forced somehow to stay in the UK or forced to give up my DS to DH (my DS are British and don’t have Argentina nationality yet).

Do I have any chance to take my DS with me back home? Or will I be forced to stay in the UK? Or will my DS be removed from me and giving to DH (who can’t look after them as he works full time and night shifts as well).

any advice will be highly appreciated.

OP posts:
Weal · 28/06/2023 16:49

Hi op would your children be allowed to stay in Argentina considering they don’t have citizenship? Are you able to get them citizenship?

If your DH knew you were moving them abroad he could ask family court to get an order to stop them being moved abroad. I’m not sure how likely he would be to succeed. I think it’s probably best to do some work before you speak to him to put things in place (eg seeking legal advice from a family law specialist and getting them citizenship).

CatsOnTheChair · 28/06/2023 16:56

Your husband can prevent the kids moving abroad - but he can also consent to it happening. What do you think he would say if you asked?

Can you get the kids an Argentine passport on the basis of your nationality?

Good luck. It might be a long fight.

gogomoto · 28/06/2023 16:58

The only way you can take them overseas legally is with you stbexh's consent. Generally the courts would prevent you taking them overseas to live without his consent

Parky04 · 28/06/2023 17:05

You will need his consent. That is the only way you will be allowed to leave with your children.

prh47bridge · 28/06/2023 19:35

As others have said, you can't take your son out of the country without either his consent or a court order. If he will not consent, you will need to consult a solicitor. Whether you will be able to get a court order depends on what the courts judge to be in your son's best interests.

newtb · 28/06/2023 19:49

On a practical basis, there's no love lost between Argentina and the UK.

Get your dad to check things like
Extradition treaty doubt it
Situation concerning the Hague Convention and effect of international marriages and division of assets.
Divorce law in both countries
Domicile has no definition in law, UK or international. After you're buried, the tax mafia of the countries concerned bust a gut to prove you were domiciled on their turf.
Get your dad to check with an international lawyer. Could be worth buying you a grave for future use. In your name. Could easily be a proxy purchase.

A man was born in Britain, British national, worked all over the world, luxury flat in Hong Kong that he kept, swish holiday home in France.

While travelling he sent his friend, from childhood, living in England, a postcard, saying there's no place like home. Especially when you live out of a suitcase.

Very unexpectedly he died, no illness, no warning. Immediately, HMRC and the impôts in France ganged up on Hong Kong. Had left but kept the flat, never returned.

Then the dirty fight began. Using the postcard as evidence, HMRC argued that he sent it implying he would come home to die.

The French side argued that it was a humourous quote, a common phrase.

A pissing contest.

Stalemate. Lawyers' fees threatening to take the whole estate.

Both sides saw sense, half a cake remaining being better than none. A view was taken, think a 50:50 split of the net estate after legal fees deducted was agreed.

Not the done thing, but a holiday to see their grandparents with you, he'd surely agree. An illness meaning you're needed by your mum.

Putting the DC into school to make sure they don't forget to add up or something.

Get them a kitten or something daft that builds emotional attachment to where your parents are. Then delay and delay using every trick in the book, until it would be detrimental to their human rights to return.

International divorce is a very dirty game. I got denied maintenance, and half my dh's UK pension that I'd paid for by changing jobs when he had no pay rises. He's an alcoholic and in 1992 needed to spend around £500/month on eating ie drinking out. Wfh 1 day a week, gross misconduct to drink in work time. Used to pick me up then
1 Peroni
1l of house red only litre bottles top quality Montepulchiano family contact in Italy.
He'd then insist on driving home after his 3hr lunch break. Doing 100mph home pissed, along the Tatton mile.

Where James Irlam's grand-daughter died at 17 in a too fast car for her to handle due to lack of experience, maybe a mate told her a funny joke and she took her eyes off the road, the new car a birthday gift from gf. Family wealth was published in the Sunday times, a school mum was very impressed. Only takes a seconds distraction He sold the haulage firm to Stobarts.

Xh didn't care, he stood to gain £100,000 life assurance - I've had broken spines in my neck and an impact would likely break it, or my spine.

Because he was hauled in to the nick for putting me in a state of shock with verbal agression after we separated he engaged a French barrister, qualified in English law from LSE stating on her English Dutch French that she uses her knowledge of UK law to help her poor clients who have vicious other halves in South Africa, France or the UK who are used to English Common Law and ideas of equity.

I lost the equivalent of 600,000€ in a £12500/year index-linked public sector pension until my likely death. My mother's side live to at least 100. His was £25000, mine £1799, personal pension. She even claimed my state pension after 46 was unfair as he got less - the old one, left the UK with only 36 years in, needing 44, but preferred to get pissed rather than buy extra years. I started work at 20. State pensions are excluded in the UK, in France they're up for grabs.

Please please OP learn from my sorry experience of UK vs French Law, including a bent solicitor who created a French marriage contract, invalid under the Hague convention, but filed anyway at Nantes.
Without that I'd have the right to everything I'd put in 60% at least of the house equity as I saved more before we married, accident damages invested in our last UK house awarded to me of nearly £20k, he bought me something for £750 as my present and then spent 20 years jerking my neck when crunching the gears, driving up the arse of cars in front seeing me brace myself. I couldn't drive after the accident and he had to punish me for not being his driver etc etc
He had inoperable cataracts, his vision at the limit of legality in 2016. Drives to his AA meetings, in the dark.

Make sure your DH has no idea of your passwords. Mine used my ID on a shared PC to download gang bang porn with very young women in a private browser tab. He subscribed me to hook up sites, and I had hundreds of emails from Lolita in St Pardoux looking about 16 asking me if I wanted to play with her. No fucking way.

He was too lazy to get his own banking ID. Aware of the legal position while in a clinic for a stress cure, I changed the password locking him out. Got manipulated into being his obedient wifey. Told him I nearly divorced him. Big mistake. Huuuuuge. Until he was 65 he had no rights to healthcare except through me as I'd been on incapacity benefit. No wife, no rights to healthcare or remain. He'd have been on 100% private insurance for healthcare. The product doesn't exist in France, no demand, so it costs a fortune - think Bupa with all previous conditions covered.....

Please don't make my mistakes, give no hint. There's even an archive function that saves secret pdf copies of any document printed. We had a 1Tb hard disk. Every letter, email, free legal advice through law express due to qualifications, he'd copied the lot. Make sure it's disabled on your PC's.

Best of luck

prh47bridge · 28/06/2023 23:06

To cover off a few points from the previous post...

There is an extradition treaty between Argentina and the UK.

Argentina has signed and ratified the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction.

I would strongly recommend against following the previous poster's "advice" about taking a holiday and not coming back. Given the above, that could end with you being returned to the UK and charged with child abduction.

RunningFromInsanity · 28/06/2023 23:53

There’s mad. Then there is MN mad. Then there is ‘buying a grave as a proxy purchase’ mad.

Throwncrumbs · 29/06/2023 00:12

newtb · 28/06/2023 19:49

On a practical basis, there's no love lost between Argentina and the UK.

Get your dad to check things like
Extradition treaty doubt it
Situation concerning the Hague Convention and effect of international marriages and division of assets.
Divorce law in both countries
Domicile has no definition in law, UK or international. After you're buried, the tax mafia of the countries concerned bust a gut to prove you were domiciled on their turf.
Get your dad to check with an international lawyer. Could be worth buying you a grave for future use. In your name. Could easily be a proxy purchase.

A man was born in Britain, British national, worked all over the world, luxury flat in Hong Kong that he kept, swish holiday home in France.

While travelling he sent his friend, from childhood, living in England, a postcard, saying there's no place like home. Especially when you live out of a suitcase.

Very unexpectedly he died, no illness, no warning. Immediately, HMRC and the impôts in France ganged up on Hong Kong. Had left but kept the flat, never returned.

Then the dirty fight began. Using the postcard as evidence, HMRC argued that he sent it implying he would come home to die.

The French side argued that it was a humourous quote, a common phrase.

A pissing contest.

Stalemate. Lawyers' fees threatening to take the whole estate.

Both sides saw sense, half a cake remaining being better than none. A view was taken, think a 50:50 split of the net estate after legal fees deducted was agreed.

Not the done thing, but a holiday to see their grandparents with you, he'd surely agree. An illness meaning you're needed by your mum.

Putting the DC into school to make sure they don't forget to add up or something.

Get them a kitten or something daft that builds emotional attachment to where your parents are. Then delay and delay using every trick in the book, until it would be detrimental to their human rights to return.

International divorce is a very dirty game. I got denied maintenance, and half my dh's UK pension that I'd paid for by changing jobs when he had no pay rises. He's an alcoholic and in 1992 needed to spend around £500/month on eating ie drinking out. Wfh 1 day a week, gross misconduct to drink in work time. Used to pick me up then
1 Peroni
1l of house red only litre bottles top quality Montepulchiano family contact in Italy.
He'd then insist on driving home after his 3hr lunch break. Doing 100mph home pissed, along the Tatton mile.

Where James Irlam's grand-daughter died at 17 in a too fast car for her to handle due to lack of experience, maybe a mate told her a funny joke and she took her eyes off the road, the new car a birthday gift from gf. Family wealth was published in the Sunday times, a school mum was very impressed. Only takes a seconds distraction He sold the haulage firm to Stobarts.

Xh didn't care, he stood to gain £100,000 life assurance - I've had broken spines in my neck and an impact would likely break it, or my spine.

Because he was hauled in to the nick for putting me in a state of shock with verbal agression after we separated he engaged a French barrister, qualified in English law from LSE stating on her English Dutch French that she uses her knowledge of UK law to help her poor clients who have vicious other halves in South Africa, France or the UK who are used to English Common Law and ideas of equity.

I lost the equivalent of 600,000€ in a £12500/year index-linked public sector pension until my likely death. My mother's side live to at least 100. His was £25000, mine £1799, personal pension. She even claimed my state pension after 46 was unfair as he got less - the old one, left the UK with only 36 years in, needing 44, but preferred to get pissed rather than buy extra years. I started work at 20. State pensions are excluded in the UK, in France they're up for grabs.

Please please OP learn from my sorry experience of UK vs French Law, including a bent solicitor who created a French marriage contract, invalid under the Hague convention, but filed anyway at Nantes.
Without that I'd have the right to everything I'd put in 60% at least of the house equity as I saved more before we married, accident damages invested in our last UK house awarded to me of nearly £20k, he bought me something for £750 as my present and then spent 20 years jerking my neck when crunching the gears, driving up the arse of cars in front seeing me brace myself. I couldn't drive after the accident and he had to punish me for not being his driver etc etc
He had inoperable cataracts, his vision at the limit of legality in 2016. Drives to his AA meetings, in the dark.

Make sure your DH has no idea of your passwords. Mine used my ID on a shared PC to download gang bang porn with very young women in a private browser tab. He subscribed me to hook up sites, and I had hundreds of emails from Lolita in St Pardoux looking about 16 asking me if I wanted to play with her. No fucking way.

He was too lazy to get his own banking ID. Aware of the legal position while in a clinic for a stress cure, I changed the password locking him out. Got manipulated into being his obedient wifey. Told him I nearly divorced him. Big mistake. Huuuuuge. Until he was 65 he had no rights to healthcare except through me as I'd been on incapacity benefit. No wife, no rights to healthcare or remain. He'd have been on 100% private insurance for healthcare. The product doesn't exist in France, no demand, so it costs a fortune - think Bupa with all previous conditions covered.....

Please don't make my mistakes, give no hint. There's even an archive function that saves secret pdf copies of any document printed. We had a 1Tb hard disk. Every letter, email, free legal advice through law express due to qualifications, he'd copied the lot. Make sure it's disabled on your PC's.

Best of luck

Ward?!?

Throwncrumbs · 29/06/2023 00:13

Throwncrumbs · 29/06/2023 00:12

Ward?!?

Wtaf?!?

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