Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Family law/double barrelling dds name

32 replies

raspberryjo · 09/06/2023 15:41

Hi there just after a bit of advice, I would like to add my surname to my daughters she's 7, been split from her dad a couple of years, it's something I've always wanted to and he's always said no. I wouldn't necessarily want her to use it day to day but would just like to share a name on paper for when we're going on holiday etc, and would just love to share a name in general. Just didn't even think about it when she was born because I presumed some day I'd marry her dad and we would eventually share a name. Anyway, I mentioned it again last week and he said no. He has parental rights, and is on the birth certificate so I would need his permission else I need a court order. Has anyone else successfully done this please? Just after some advice/what to do really

OP posts:
Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 15:51

answered your own question

you either need to persuade him. Or a court order (and you will likely be successful)

Original poster
raspberryjo · 09/06/2023 16:29

Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 15:51

answered your own question

you either need to persuade him. Or a court order (and you will likely be successful)

Thank you, he won't be persuaded it's been ongoing for months. But yeah just wanted to know the likelihood of success really it's not something I've ever come across before!

OP posts:
Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 16:33

You’ll be successful

Original poster
raspberryjo · 09/06/2023 17:21

That's great, thank you :)

OP posts:
JustAnotherLawyer2 · 10/06/2023 17:32

'You'll be successful' - so boldly, and so wrongly, stated.

No one here can tell you if you will be successful or not. She's seven, any change will need to be in her best interests and you have to prove that to the court.

You might succeed. But equally, you might not. The only way of knowing is to apply and see.

Rightiothen13 · 10/06/2023 18:33

JustAnotherLawyer2 · 10/06/2023 17:32

'You'll be successful' - so boldly, and so wrongly, stated.

No one here can tell you if you will be successful or not. She's seven, any change will need to be in her best interests and you have to prove that to the court.

You might succeed. But equally, you might not. The only way of knowing is to apply and see.

She will be because it is very straightforward.

parents divorced
mother wishes for her surname to be incorporated in to her daughters name

completely reasonable
and when the judge turns to the ex to enquire as to his reservations…. “Because I don’t want it wah wah wah”.

please come back op once sorted. It won’t even go to court if you get a good solicitor and he does too, and his sol advises him that there’s no point fighting this

Original poster
raspberryjo · 11/06/2023 14:13

Thank you, I've got an appointment with a solicitor a week on Tuesday so I'll keep you updated on progress!

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 11/06/2023 21:12

Rightiothen13 · 10/06/2023 18:33

She will be because it is very straightforward.

parents divorced
mother wishes for her surname to be incorporated in to her daughters name

completely reasonable
and when the judge turns to the ex to enquire as to his reservations…. “Because I don’t want it wah wah wah”.

please come back op once sorted. It won’t even go to court if you get a good solicitor and he does too, and his sol advises him that there’s no point fighting this

Show quote history

@JustAnotherLawyer2 is, of course, correct. Whilst OP stands a good chance of success, it is not guaranteed. Contrary to your post, it is up to OP to show that the change is in her child's best interests. It is not up to her ex to prove anything. OP wanting her name to be incorporated into her child's surname is about her wishes, not her child's best interests.

Rightiothen13 · 12/06/2023 05:38

All the best op and I look forward to your update! 🎉

Original poster
raspberryjo · 30/10/2023 08:20

Hi all, haven't pushed ahead yet. Visited a family solicitor for advice, she was very rude and standoffish and said I was silly to try and add my name and there'd be no point, basically laughed me out the room. Really put me off!

OP posts:
Missedmytoe · 30/10/2023 08:25

I can only add that I know someone who has been trying to do this for 10 years. Ex just refuses.
I don't understand the law. Ex has very little to do with the child, doesn't provide financially and yet gets to effectively call the shots.
As long as his surname isn't removed from the equation it should be perfectly straightforward.
(I'm obviously not saying it IS, but that there is no justifiable reason)

HerMammy · 30/10/2023 08:29

I changed my DS surname after divorce, no permission needed, signed by a JP, you can use any name you like as long as not for fraudulent means.

Farahilda · 30/10/2023 08:30

Sharing a name for purposes of going on holiday is highly unlikely to be sufficient reason. Because there are already standard procedures for this, which thousands and thousands of people use without difficulty

The lawyer you saw may have been off-putting, but the advice they gave about the strength of your case is, unfortunately for you, very likely to be correct.

TheCurtainQueen · 30/10/2023 08:33

raspberryjo · 30/10/2023 08:20

Hi all, haven't pushed ahead yet. Visited a family solicitor for advice, she was very rude and standoffish and said I was silly to try and add my name and there'd be no point, basically laughed me out the room. Really put me off!

You need to find a better solicitor. She sounds extremely unprofessional.

Crunk · 30/10/2023 08:33

My friend had an ex who refused this for years until she suggested that she would double barrel her own name instead, taking his name. His new wife wasn’t wild about that so he relented finally.

Tagli · 30/10/2023 08:39

Agree with @Crunk I would tell him in writing that you want your DD's name to reflect yours as well as his and if he won't allow you to just add yours onto her name you will instead change your name by deed poll. This means either changing your surname to match his, or adding his surname to yours and double-barelling it.

I wonder how he would feel about that? You don't actually have to do it just say you are considering it. It might be a way to make him change his mind about giving permission to add your name to hers.

prh47bridge · 30/10/2023 16:37

HerMammy · 30/10/2023 08:29

I changed my DS surname after divorce, no permission needed, signed by a JP, you can use any name you like as long as not for fraudulent means.

Not true. If a child is under 16, any change of name needs the consent of everyone with parental responsibility.

HerMammy · 30/10/2023 17:54

@prh47bridge
Yes true, as I have done it.

MsBlythe · 30/10/2023 18:03

Luckily my ex agreed to me adding my surname to our kids' surname upon divorce, but I just wanted to say, go for it. I am so very glad that I did, as are the children.

Good luck x

prh47bridge · 30/10/2023 18:41

HerMammy · 30/10/2023 17:54

@prh47bridge
Yes true, as I have done it.

No, not true. If you did it in the last 30 or so years without your ex's consent, you broke the law. To change the name of a child under 16 needs the consent of everyone with parental responsibility or a court order.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 30/10/2023 18:44

HerMammy · 30/10/2023 17:54

@prh47bridge
Yes true, as I have done it.

You mean you have got away with it! (So far)

Fourfifty · 30/10/2023 18:51

Write to your ex op. Set out your intention. Inform him he has 14 days to consent or not.

I would state that if he doesn't consent you will be applying to the court and if you are successful, you will be applying for a costs order to be made against him as there is no justifiable reason for him to refuse this other than to be controlling which will force you to use the courts.

If he ignores it apply to the court. Show them the correspondence that details how you have tried yo settle this without going to court.

prh47bridge · 30/10/2023 19:07

Fourfifty · 30/10/2023 18:51

Write to your ex op. Set out your intention. Inform him he has 14 days to consent or not.

I would state that if he doesn't consent you will be applying to the court and if you are successful, you will be applying for a costs order to be made against him as there is no justifiable reason for him to refuse this other than to be controlling which will force you to use the courts.

If he ignores it apply to the court. Show them the correspondence that details how you have tried yo settle this without going to court.

Please don't do this. It is highly unlikely that OP would be able to get costs and the courts may not look kindly on ultimatums.

Stomacharmeleon · 30/10/2023 20:15

My kids have a legal name (mine) but are 'known as' ex husband/ my name double barrel at school and uni.

HerMammy · 30/10/2023 22:33

I haven't broke the law, you have as per MN assumed I live in England, the law is different in Scotland.

Swipe left for the next trending thread