Where do I stand in court with my ex over child

[Babygirlmum]

My ex is taking me to court over some child custody matters, I have never stopped him seeing DD, he is very inconsistent and blames me for being inconsistent, let me add he walked on on us when I was pregnant and didn't want t to be a dad, he was not present at birth and he is not on the birth certificate, DD is now one and he has seen her about 7 times all in all, he didn't come into her life until she was we 5 months and that was even on and off and very inconsistent, her also wants over night stays, he and his family are basically strangers to DD, I don't get along with him, he is very narcissistic and young and he can not look after DD on his own he needs his mum and he has even told me this he used to see DD with me present but as of recent I allowed her to go with him and his mum, he can't change a nappy so apparently he needs support but now wants to take me to court for maybe over night access and to see her consistently, he works different shifts so wouldn't be able to do weekends or anything, he has never been helpful in DDs life, and let me add he lives two hours away, where do I stand in any of this and what will he gain and what type of access will he get, should I get a solicitor, I know it is expensive, how does court for child custody work?

Op

As others say you need to start with mediation. Can you contact a mediator and start a conversation about it? They will advise if it is applicable. They will also "sign off" no mediation as that is a requirement by the court.

You have to remain emotionally detached about him because a court decides from the outset that both parties are "fair "people. Slinging any mud at him will backfire on you...vent t family and friends.

Usually a toxic person will reveal themselves over time- just keep your opinions about him out of court and be completely factual.

U

I have sent this message to him

I think moving forward it may be beneficial co parenting through a app for the sake of our daughter however I know what route you have chosen to go down,
Great, I look forward to you playing a consistent part in our child's life and am encouraged that you want to set in stone scheduled visitation and financial support. Due to the limited contact to date I think it would be best to start slow and build up to overnight visits but I welcome a process where we can have constructive and beneficial discussions about this.

There is nothing I can do if he has already done a court application is there, Or is there?

Not sure if you’ve read the replies, but yes there is something you can do, people have said you need to speak to a solicitor. And then try for mediation.

@TeaKitten yes I understand that, however I'm trying to say if he has already applied for court he is not going to withdraw it which does that mean it will still go to court either way?

If you’ve formally refused mediation and not gone to this when it’s been set up then yes it will go to court.

If you’ve formally refused mediation and not gone to this when it’s been set up then yes it will go to court.

Anyone can withdraw court proceedings if you wish. If you can come to a mutually suitable arrangement between yourselves, then he can stop the application.
However, i personally think it might be a good idea to proceed. If he's as unreliable and unreasonable as you say, having something court ordered would be best as if he fucks up in future, starts being unreliable, taking the piss, you cam go back to court and get the arrangement changed or stopped altogether. Either way, make sure you keep records of all visits and how they go, if he turns up, keeps to agreed days and times as you might need it as evidence in the future.

I think a mediation agreement is legally binding if you wish it to be. It’s a Consent Order and drawn up by a legal professional. Many solicitors offer mediation. I cannot see why anyone would not try this.

A mediation agreement is not legally binding UNLESS it is sealed as a consent order in court. If OP and the father agree contact, his application to court can simply be used to seal their agreement - in effect turning it into an enforceable court order.

You cannot just withdraw court proceedings - you need permission from the court to do so. The court can decide to carry on, even if the applicant doesn't want to.

The point I was making is that mediation can result in a court order if the participants wish. It can be legally binding. I wasn’t really commenting on the mechanism other than the mediator or another legal professional should draw it up.

My gc's live with me and I have full residency. One of the fathers took me to court over a period of many years. I didn't even know who he was until gc1 was 2. He will get contact op. I know that you feel his mother is fuelling this and this was the case with us as well. As much as it is annoying, perhaps try to see it from the perspective that at least she will be a safe, stabilising influence and it is better for your child.

Family arrangements/contact orders are specific orders. The order will specify dates and times and he will need to ensure he can do this. You need to make the child available and will be in breach if you do not. However, he can fail to turn up and has done nothing wrong. I suspect his mother will comply but I a getting ahead of myself here.

Be aware that supervised contact is the slippery slope to unsupervised and I am afraid this will happen op.

You refused mediation. Strangely mediation went ahead with gs's dad and I was never asked to attend. Apparently they decided on the basis of seeing him and what he said, that it was unworkable. I thought this one sided approach a bit unfair as I would have been prepared to attend.

FWIW, he got his EOW, did not attend half the time, left g1 with is parents who he disliked and once gc got to 16, refused to see them again including his dad.