Where do I stand in court and what will ex gain?

[Babygirlmum]

My ex is taking me to court over some child custody matters, I have never stopped him seeing DD, he is very inconsistent and blames me for being inconsistent, let me add he walked on on us when I was pregnant and didn't want t to be a dad, he was not present at birth and he is not on the birth certificate, DD is now one and he has seen her about 7 times all in all, he didn't come into her life until she was we 5 months and that was even on and off and very inconsistent, her also wants over night stays, he and his family are basically strangers to DD, I don't get along with him, he is very narcissistic and young and he can not look after DD on his own he needs his mum and he has even told me this he used to see DD with me present but as of recent I allowed her to go with him and his mum, he can't change a nappy so apparently he needs support but now wants to take me to court for maybe over night access and to see her consistently, he works different shifts so wouldn't be able to do weekends or anything, he has never been helpful in DDs life, and let me add he lives two hours away, where do I stand in any of this and what will he gain and what type of access will he get, should I get a solicitor, I know it is expensive, how does court for child custody work?

Do you think he means it or do you think he's just saying it to upset you?

If he does take you to court, the court will look at what is in your daughter's best interests. That is unlikely to include overnight contact initially given your daughter's age and the fact there has been minimal contact to date, but that may come in time if he keeps up regular contact with her.

I would call him on his bluff

"Great, I look forward to you playing a consistent part in our child's life and am encouraged that you want to set in stone scheduled visitation and financial support. Due to the limited contact to date I think it would be best to start slow and build up to overnight visits but I welcome a process where we can have constructive and beneficial discussions about this.

Keep your communication in writing, be positive and keep records of any cancellations, reschedules or admissions that someone else is actually doing all the childcare.

That way if he does take it to court, you will be able to put forward your wishes for short periods of contact only, building up to overnights and you will have evidence that supports why you are asking for it, as well as evidence that you have been supportive of the process and are working in the best interests of your child.

@Babygirlmum I would see a solicitor. The courts do like to see both parents having contact with DC. They are not about punishing parents. They are looking for the best outcome for DC. However get advice on your situation. A gradual introduction to ex seeing DC might be what is best. I’m assuming he just wants to see DC and a solicitor could advise on overnights. I think a phased introduction would be best.

You really do not need a solicitor OP. This is not difficult. Vast majority of child arrangement cases are self represented. Solicitors are very expensive and will not be able to do anything you can't do yourself if everything is straight forward. I

However I have no idea of your financial status. If you are financially very comfortable and wouldn't miss a few ££££ then of course employ one.

Before you even think about that though - he needs to apply to court for PR. He currently has no more right to have access to your child than the postman as he isn't named on BC.

It isn't difficult to apply and not expensive . (£235) .. to do himself. It is not uncommon to apply for a CAO at the same time. So that he gets parental responsibility and some form of contact at the same time. You will be contacted prior to the hearing in order for you to give your thoughts and wishes on these applications. The PR will be straightforward as you aren't denying he is father. The contact is where you can have input and explain that he has no experience and relies on his parent. You can request he has supervised contact . What he gets will be down to the judge and what they believe to be in your child's best interest. Which almost always means some form of contact with dad.

But in the meantime, he has to make that application to the court. You have to do nothing but respond to the application. Majority of men like this can't be arsed.

With no PR he has no rights. If he doesn't return her when you request it you can call the police because he is not a legal parent.

Before you even think about that though - he needs to apply to court for PR. He currently has no more right to have access to your child than the postman as he isn't named on BC.

This is often repeated on Mumsnet, but it is simply not true. He does not need PR to get contact. Indeed, the court can award contact without giving him PR. As the child's father, he has the right to apply for a CAO.

And this is precisely why the OP needs to see a solicitor. People might represent themselves but it’s very hard for many with utterly useless advice being given.