Probate and extended family estrangement. Help and understanding needed. Thanks in advance.

[Forestfriendlygarden]

Hello mumsnetters.

In the absence of any other possibility - I'm posting here in the hope that someone may kindly be able to offer some insight or information (emotional and legal) - as the situation I find myself in is both incredibly emotionally painful and I mainly just want it to be resolved so that I can find closure around my mum's death. Please be gentle if you can. Here are the facts listed as clearly as I can:

1. Mum died around 15 months ago.
2. I obtained her death certificate - forwarded it to her solicitor and received a copy of the will.
3. Myself and my DD are named as beneficiaries, amongst other family members.
4. At the time I got the will, myself and three estranged 'sisters' were named as executors on the will.
5. Point number 4. - please don't ask if I have tried to contact 'sisters'. The situation is intractable and due to secondary domestic abuse, I can't for my own sanity.
6. I very soon realised that communication would not be possible with the other executors - so decided to take a step back - and said to my mum's solicitor about two months into the process - that I would go to 'power in reserve' status and let the other 'sisters' get on with it. My understanding of my mum's solicitors status is that all four of us agreed that he would be an executor of the will.
7. Following my action in point 6
8. I understand that probate can take a long time and can be complicated so I wasn't badgering the solicitor every two seconds for an update but when my emails weren't returned for two months I phoned them to find out what the state of play was.
9. A solicitor at the same practice that I didn't know - phoned me back with what I experienced to be a bullying tone - and told me that I wasn't entitled to know anything as 'I wasn't a client'. The calls weren't recorded at that time and I couldn't prove what was said so made a complaint of professional misconduct against the solicitor, received a response back basically saying they denied everything.
10. So a few months ago I went to the legal ombudsman, they have a process called an early resolution - officer - who I understand had contacted the solicitor in question with a complaint about poor service. Points I was complaining about is the fact that the solicitor was saying I hadn't signed a client care letter. Fact being - though that I was never sent one - in the first place.
11. It was incredibly difficult to get the Legal Ombudsman to take the complaint on, but it has now gone to the second tier process and they are investigating further. The legal ombudsman does not have good reviews on trust pilot AT ALL and without exception the reviews maintain they are biased in favour of solicitors. I don't know how accurate their views are but it doesn't inspire confidence. I have asked the Ombudsman to ensure I receive what is due to me as a benificiary and my DD together with an amount in compensation for distress caused. I have had to estimate how much is due to me as I have been told nothing about the probate. From what I do know however it is 30K estimated.
12. Whilst this may not be a large amount of money to some people - it is to me, and DD as DD is now nearly eighteen currently finishing A levels and imminently launching to Uni. (I hope).
13. I suppose I am posting here in case anyone has anything illuminating or insightful to say - about this situation.

Once again, please be gentle if possible. I have had nightmares around this awful scenario my mum died under horrendous circumstances - not one of my so called 'sisters' contacted me to advise of her death - and the estrangement situation is beyond sad anyway - but I really want to keep out of any further distress as staying at a distance to this is the only way I can think of to deal with it,

I have also raised the question of excessive costs and lack of transparency in billing - I simply couldn't come up with another way of checks and balances on the solicitors actions - as I have been stone walled and told nothing for months.

The ombudsman says the matter is in 'administration' still. I have spoken to them on the phone to clarify several points - so at least they are aware of how distressing it has been and I'm not just a number on paper.

Any insights anyone/
Many thanks

I am sorry to say that by formally stepping back from the role of executor, you have effectively given the other 3 executors the authority to proceed as they wish. If they have appointed a probate solicitor (who, in my experience have all the empathy, morals, and speed of action of a slug) the solicitor could be quite happily racking up bills for things that could have easily been done by you. As you have ‘reserved power’ you can at any point in the process step back in. I would say though that you would need the advice of yet another solicitor (one you have appointed) to do that.

Regarding point 6, you cannot make the solicitor the executor of the will. You and your sisters are the executors, as named in the will. You can appoint a solicitor to act on your behalf. The solicitor may have been your mother’s solicitor once, but she/he should be acting on your behalf now. You really need to clarify what their position is.

It’s not much fun having a parent die and siblings not on the same page. (My own tale would fill a book, and 3 years later we still have my parent’s ashes in a box waiting for various poorly behaved siblings and step-relatives spread across 3 continents to finish their dicking around before we scatter their ashes.) But unfortunately you have been named as an executor, and by not taking up your role you are sidelined, a position you have chosen to be in. The absolute arseholery of people after someone dies is something that is rarely talked about. I am pretty sure people would leave their affairs in a much tidier state if they could see what would happen after they died.

If you want more of a say in how things are being done, and more information being sent your way, I would say you need to take back your authority to act as executor, probably by starting with getting your own solicitor.

The solicitor was right. You are not a client. The estate is a client. As you have stepped back from being an executor, the solicitor has no obligation to communicate with you or any other beneficiary. Indeed, the remaining executors may have asked the solicitor not to communicate with you to avoid running up costs for the estate.

Most ombudsmen have poor ratings on TrustPilot. People tend to only post a review if they were unhappy with the outcome. Indeed, a number of reviewers say enough about their case to show that the ombudsman was right.

However, as it has been over a year since your mother died, you may be able to force distribution of the estate. That depends on whether there is a good reason for the delay. If you want to pursue this, you need to talk to a solicitor who specialises in this area of law.

Thank you both for these replies. Although as you have both said, not particularly good news - and still upsetting - feels slightly better to be able to break the silence on here, for that I am grateful.

Clarifying a few points:

I made the decision to go 'power in reserve' as DD at crucial point in her education and being a single parent - being acting executor - felt like a total bridge too far for me as it would have meant possibly exposing myself to more abuse from the others. Quite simply I needed to prioritise my DD's future.

backinthebox I'm so sorry you experienced similar difficulties. I understand that one in 4 people are estranged from family members and that it is more common than many realise.

I now tend to agree with you about lack of morals and probate solicitor - though I trusted them initially as they had been a family friend for years and it is quite a small place so if they have acted without morals word would get round.

Yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it as far as stepping back is concerned - and 'power in reserve' but given the situation I was in, and also somewhere in amongst there a house move for myself and DD - I kind of had to set priorities. Perhaps I will feel differently after DD's A level exams - but all that plus being executor and potentially coming in for more abuse from people who are supposed to be 'family' would have been more than I could stand, I feel.

pr47bridge thanks for your contribution I appreciate it.

I had read contradictory things about the status of 'power in reserve' and also if I was entitled to a very brief update - and some sources say I am.

Given the level of existing conflict in the so-called 'family' - it was a pragmatic decision of mine to do 'power in reserve' as I was really trying to be measured about the way I went about things, and to protect my mental health also.

Good point also about - forcing estate etc. after time frame. I will hold fire on this one though - for the same reason as the previous paragraph. Perhaps some miracle will occur and the situation will resolve itself...the last update i had from the solicitor was that probate was about to be applied for, I am pretty sure it hasn't been as I have checked online on the gov.uk website.

Take the point about the ombudsman reviews also...perhaps with a pinch of salt.

I was hoping that the ombudsman's intervention might at least ensure that in the absence of anything else - there would be some transparency.

Yes, and I don't put it past certain 'family' members to tell the solicitor not to give me information. I wasn't asking for a lot just a few lines as to where the situation is. But then, as backinthebox says - the way people act after death is incredible - but then some of these people are the same people who did not see fit to inform me that my mother had died, so anything they do does not surprise me anymore. I got used to their cruelty.

Once again thanks for your replies. Any other insights thanks in advance.

Had some news, in absolute dearth of it for some time.

Perhaps it was going to the legal ombudsman than has forced the solicitor to tell me finally that the two active executors - one has signed the statement of truth and the other one has been sent the statement of truth to sign...

Does anyone think that means - the probate will soon be applied for? After that I understand probate itself takes four to eight weeks although I don't know how the aftermath of the pandemic has affected the process...?

No idea. Every probate case is different and depends on the size and complexity of the estate. You really need to ask your solicitor about this.

Although the website states 4-8 weeks, it's anyone's guess how long it will take. Once it has been submitted (and any IHT paid ) then executors / solicitors cannot contact the probate service for updates until 16 weeks has passed.

thanks for these responses at least it is on to the next stage