Police refusing to investigate

[ReformedWaywardTeen]

I'm going to try and keep this brief but it's difficult due to context

Until 2021 we were friends with the owner of a local business along with a big group of other adults. Over time, business owner became more and more bullying to me personally. It was very obvious that he was obsessed with my DH.
DH is straight. Never gave the guy any reason to believe otherwise. We have been together for over 25 years. The catalyst to say "enough" for me was his behaviour at our wedding reception where he was rude to guests and where he was heard saying DH should have married better as he's better looking than me.
During our honeymoon we were told he was slagging me, telling people he was jealous of me (which he had said to me more than once whilst he was drunk). We decided to take a break from him but he was then slagging our teens off, saying they are weird and freaks. This is a man nearing 60. He has been known to abuse booze and drugs, not something any of the rest of us have much to do with. To be honest we all originally felt sorry for him and would cook him meals. He didn't seem to have anyone and said he had been dumped by a former group for being gay.

Anyway, over two years we've had people connected to him look at me like scum. We've had false complaints made against us to tax officers, and about our son having Disability allowances as he does have some quite serious illnesses. Throughout all the nastiness, we've kept quiet. We blocked him across social media although we were told that he was still being abusive about me pretty regularly until all our mates also blocked him.

On Friday, DH was bringing DS home from school and drove past the male. He jumped up, screaming his head off, the car windows were open and he was calling them both wankers and cunts and throwing fists. He was clearly drunk. Two acquaintances of ours saw this and told him to sit down. DH drove home.

He was angry though and rang the male, calling him some choice names. He did not threaten him. He had simply had enough and DS was so upset, he cannot deal with loud noise or aggression.

On Saturday morning, DH went to get some shopping and the police turned up. The officers were incredibly rude to me. They didn't even refer to my husband by his name or Mr surname, just spat his surname at me and asked is he in? He's never been in trouble with police in his life but they acted like he was some frequent offender.

I asked what was it about and the officer sneered at me that "he's an adult allegedly" so I shut the door. I heard the officer say through the door he would be back to arrest me later if my husband wasn't back!

I immediately called DH who drove to the local police station. He was made to sit there for over an hour and then the lady on the desk seeing no one had spoken to him since she had when he arrived phoned the officers. DH mentioned to her that he was provoked, that the behaviour of the male complainant was dangerous and threatening and that where he was has CCTV and he had two witnesses to the behaviour too (as the acquaintances had offered to give a statement if we wanted to raise a complaint).

The officers refused to speak to DH saying they would call Tuesday (today).

Instead, the rude one turned up at our door at 7pm on Sunday. Again he had an attitude. My husband even asked him how can we trust him when he refers to him so rudely the day before?

He had not looked into DHs side. He had not spoken to our witnesses. He had not asked for CCTV but was demanding DH come to the station and sign a community resolution and pay a compensation amount to the Man!

He refused to agree to do that. I got angry as I said the officer was failing to show due diligence and look into the facts of a case. I'm aware the guy involved has friends in the local police, and feel my husband is being blamed fully for being provoked after two years of aggressive behaviour and lies.
DH is accused of threatening him and of using homophobic slurs. There is no recording of this phone call and considering we have family members who are gay, we are the last people to be homophobic, but this is a tale he has told before to garner sympathy. He also once said a couple in a bar had called him a gay slur but they had simply asked him to not rock their table as he knocked a drink over. It's his default sympathy card.

When DH said he would not agree to sign anything or admit fault, he would like to take it further, the officer said "is that a threat". It clearly wasn't but he was sneering.

He then said he would need to get back to DH as he isn't satisfied with "our attitude".

The thing is, in the time we have stopped speaking to the complainant, along with 90% of our group, we met a couple who knew him before us and were used by him in a similar way. This was one of the couples he accused of homophobia. They said they stopped speaking to him because they became aware of an inappropriate relationship between the man and a 15 year old. The police had failed to look into it as the child was in care but they said as parents they didn't want him near their child.

Because the officer was so defensive of the complainant, DH said to him that this isn't the first time the police have turned a blind eye to his behaviour, mentioning the boy.

He is now worried that they can charge him for saying that to the officer

We've also looked into the community resolution and the police don't even come to your home they call and see if you agree to it and take things further if needed. So why come out twice?

I've contacted the independent body for police complaints but I understand that can take months.

We have heard nothing more but DH said he is worried he will go to prison- he's been doom scrolling on Google and I doubt that would happen but frankly, I think the officer knows the complainant and no doubt the CCTV the man has will be deleted.

Can anyone offer advice? We can't afford a solicitor. Surely they can't just decide without speaking to witnesses that DH is at fault. I did get angry at the officer but he was being so one sided and aggressive he didn't want to hear what DH had to say and had clearly decided from his first attending our home that DH is at fault.He was shouting over both of us and showed no professionalism. He would not hear that DH was provoked and that there was more evidence for that than what this liar was saying. Surely you can't bring any form of case or community resolution with neither evidence not investigation into the full events and provocation?

Can we have the officer removed and how?

Go back to the police and tell them you wish to speak to the most senior officer for your area.
Tell them everything and also that you wish to make a complaint about the attitude of the officer who turned up on your doorstep. Also do a bit of digging to find if the person harassing you is matey with any police officer.
Alternatively get friendly with some body builders and send em round to "have a word" with him

Witness intimidation is a crime in its own right, but it sounds of a piece with these people's conduct.

This. Something fishy going on for sure

I had a situation where I was treated rudely, repeatedly, by a local police officer. I have no proof, but believe he was friends with my now ex husbands OW. He'd email me threats when she had made false allegations and was not prepared to hear he was mistaken or what she was saying simply wasn't true. He also did it while I was having treatment for cancer. That was the last straw. I went straight to his superior and made a formal complaint to the IOPC. I got an apology and he was "spoken to". He was an absolute arsehole. Some people should not be in that job.

So that is what I would do, I would escalate a complaint and look at a harassment order against this vile man who is making your life so difficult.

Most police officers have minimal to no social media presence, for very good reasons.

Former police officer here.

My first thought on reading this is that there's more to this than meets the eye. Continuing some sort of friendship with this man over an extended period while he was behaving so badly immediately makes me wonder why.

However, taking things on face value:

Your DH is highly unlikely to be arrested. Hate crime is normally taken very seriously by the police. The fact that a community resolution (CR) is being considered suggests that the police consider the matter to be minor enough to be dealt with in this way. Given that, it would therefore be disproportionate for them to arrest. However, if they need to interview your DH to get his version of events (this is a form of evidence in itself), they may still decide an arrest is necessary if your DH will not otherwise engage with them. I would suggest emailing the officer in the case to point them in the direction of the CCTV evidence, explaining that your DH sees no need to answer any questions when such evidence could independently show what actually happened and finalise the case quickly. This way you have it in writing, which would make it harder to justify the proportionality of an arrest without the CCTV being followed up first.

A CR and a Conditional Caution (CC) both require an admission of guilt. Most forces have phased out / are phasing out simple cautions. in the case of a CC (which would need to be authorised by the Crown Prosecution Service) evidence will be needed to prove the offence in case your DH broke the conditions and therefore the case gets sent to court. Therefore, if your DH admits nothing and if there's no evidence (other than evidence that supports you), the police cannot do very much unless there's more evidence out there or a significant back story.

The IOPC will likely be uninterested in this case and deem it suitable for local resolution. Even the local professional standards department will probably deem it best dealt with by the supervising officer initially. Therefore if you want a quicker response, you'd probably be best off contacting the officer's inspector.

There is some good advice on here, particularly from@Comefromaway.

All I would say is that, in the circumstances described, if police need to speak to you, they can make an appointment to speak with you at the station. I don't see the need for an arrest (unless they have things they need to do which only an arrest gives them the power to ie if they need to search your property - but can't see how this applies here). So if you do get arrested, make it clear you ask the necessity for the arrest at the time of arrest. They have to satisfy the custody sergeant that the arrest is necessary - CS then decides if the detention at the station is necessary. If either of you do get arrested, get a solicitor. Duty sols are free.

The IOPC will likely be uninterested in this case and deem it suitable for local resolution. Even the local professional standards department will probably deem it best dealt with by the supervising officer initially. Therefore if you want a quicker response, you'd probably be best off contacting the officer's inspector.
Also good advice

To clear up some queries.

He wasn't always off to me. It started when we got engaged. I was surprised DH asked me as we'd never spoken about getting married but he decided to surprise me. Initially we were due to marry in August 2020, for obvious reasons that didn't happen.

We barely saw him during lockdown, apart from a few times when DH brought food to his door. We kept ourselves out of public spaces due to DS having issues whereby we were concerned about Covid and had very little guidance.

It all escalated in mid-2021 when we could all meet again. It was small comments about being "jealous" but said in a way that could be dismissed as he wanting a relationship. Then it was comments about me not eating crisps or my dress won't fit. He was positively sulky on the day of the wedding.

I knew he fancied DH, DH bless him was oblivious (not uncommon, he had to be told I did!) But it didn't fuss me as DH is a handsome fella (biased I know but for an older guy he scrubs up well and looks far younger than he is). What got me irritated was he started to mirror DHs dress sense, and said he would perform "it should've been me" at the wedding as a performance. He actively had to be told by our local vicar to behave and not interrupt the wedding.

DH knows I'm not as sociable as him, so I took queues that perhaps I was missing a joke or being paranoid.

But speaking to one of our friends wives she said it had been bugging her and he was speaking rudely about me when we weren't out with the group.

The comments on our children were the final straw and DH said enough and blanked him.

This seemed to make him angry as of course, no more opportunity to see DH. Every complaint made until now has singularly had my name to it, not DH. You'd think he didn't exist. I've been dragged through the mill by tax inspectors, disabilities allowance people, you name it. DH has not been spoken about or had any accusations until now.

So in the long run the whole actual in person bad behaviour was quite a short period.

I've now been able to gain the officers name as DH phoned me from the station- hes waiting to speak to a supervising officer after speaking to someone below them who isn't impressed.Their attitude is that the officer has potentially over stepped on this.

He won't be signing anything and if they do decide to proceed he will ask for a duty solicitor. He had said he had no faith in the officer being unbiased.

Our friends are all ready to back us too.

It's caused us so much embarrassment as our neighbours were outside enjoying the sunshine and saw the police at our door twice, I've had some choice looks since and it's further caused us upset.

You can identify the cop from his badge number and make a complaint.
If you have a complaint against that officer - then another one will be assigned to the case.

If an allegation has been made against your husband, then it needs investigating and his account obtaining at some point. Of course other evidence also needs to obtained - CCTV, witnesses etc - before any conclusion can be gained. Community resolutions can be considered - but generally you need some sort of admission from you husband. For example - he accepts he was in the wrong and writes a letter of apology, or agrees to repair the damage to what ever is broken - obviously not the case for yourselves here as your husband is denying any wrongdoing.

If the police want to interview your husband - he can suggest a vol interview at the police station. That way you can have a free and independent solicitor present.

And the reporting person will also have to provide evidence to 'prove' his side of the story.

The cop was wrong for speaking to you both in the way you have explained and they should be impartial throughout. I would make a complaint against him anyway. Try and record the next encounter you have with him on your phone - then you can use that as evidence. Were they wearing a bodycam?

DH had phoned and is off for the afternoon to attend to some business he had had to put back until he dealt with this this morning.

He has been told the officer will call when he is on duty. Now, whether he will is anyone's guess but I hope he doesn't use it as an excuse to come and provoke more embarrassment and upset at our door. If he does, I think that shows clear harassment and over stepping his duty and remit.

The person DH spoke to said that there is not a warrant, not is anything on the system about offering a CR. In fact, it is still showing as "under investigation" so again, DH has voiced that this shows the officers behaviour is not acceptable or unbiased.

The person he spoke to said he does not know of a link between the complainant and the officer, but DH plans to quiz him if he calls (or someone else as DH has requested) of whether he knew him in a professional or personal capacity and why he decided to attend rather than call

We now know the only person who said they heard the call was the complainants boyfriend, so hardly a credible source but there is no recording of it, as he told the mutual acquaintance who has said he will be contacting the police to offer his details regards being told the call was a completely different narrative to what was given to police.

The police have logged a incident regards him shouting abuse at DH and DS and taken full information of witnesses. They've said they cannot guarantee he won't have deleted CCTV of the incident but this will be seen as partially the fault of the officer involved who has not investigated the full details.

I will be taking this as far as possible. It's caused me so much anxiety, DS is inconsolable and won't leave the house (so thank god it's half term), we have had filthy looks off two older neighbours and frankly, this is all caused by the behaviour of this officer who has failed to do his job appropriately.

I hope it's not him who calls but I feel we have enough proof of how badly this has been handled and the officers disgusting unprofessionalism to have it go no further. I will be pursuing harrassment and anything else I can on the complainant because it's gone too far now.

Awful situation for you all, best of luck clearing your names and holding the PC and the ex friend to account.

One reminder: film every in person interaction on your phone, have all phone calls on speakerphone being recorded by a second phone, and summarise in writing any in person and phone conversations. I’m sure you are already thinking these things but honestly every single interaction with the police, witnesses and the idiot himself must be recorded.

The IOPC will likely be uninterested in this case

This was absolutely not the case for me, they were actually brilliant and held the officer involved to account.

So the rude PC came back at 7PM on Sunday ”demanding DH come to the station and sign a community resolution and pay a compensation amount to the Man”?

Surely he’s overstepped massively. He’s appointed himself judge and jury, decided DH is guilty (of… something?) and said DH should pay the man money? This is the kind of police behaviour you’d expect in some kind of lawless state where corruption is rife and the police do whatever they like.

Good luck with taking this officer to task. He’s a great example f why people trust the police less and less.

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I'm getting very strong bent copper vibes from you

https://www.policeconduct.gov.uk/sites/default/files/Documents/Complaintforms/IOPCCAguideetocomplainttsystem2020.pdf

OP you may find this useful. It explains who deals with what kind of complaint and how to go about it.

Rudeness is absolutely worth complaining about. One of the police standards is to treat everyone with respect and courtesy.

Certainly the person that DH spoke to today agreed he has overstepped the mark. He said the complainant wants a fine paid! For what I've no idea. I also worry he will want an in person apology which frankly, he'd probably get some sort of sick thrill from.
The problem is reading into these CR orders the "victim" gets to decide what is done.

The person DH spoke to this morning was unimpressed by the whole thing, especially since they agreed this could've been a phone call and done. A bit of 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other and we would have been happy with advice and done. Now though, no chance. We will pursue it because not only had this man been a total lying arsehole, the officer is behaving just how everyone assumes they behave these days and is a self appointed judge and jury.

We've not heard back about DHs complaint regards him shouting and swearing prior, but I bet they've not raced round to his place as quick as they did ours!

The man sounds awful and I completely believe everything you have said BUT you really do need to calm down and cooperate with The Police.
The more you throw around counter accusations and complain about The Officer you will look as if this may be a 6 of one half a dozen of the other situation.
Your DH needs to admit to nothing and agree to nothing. If interviewed or spoken to by The Police he just needs to say he’s doesn’t agree with The Man’s version of events and has witnesses to support this. Talking about issues other people have had or anything else is not helpful, it will reflect badly on your H

Hopfully this will all get sorted

I do understand that but the officers conduct has been disgraceful, a position agreed by a superior at the station this morning. We are both hoping it will be handed on to someone else to investigate.

The fact he's attended our address twice is over the top, also agreed by the superior officer. They said it "should have been a phone call" and they didn't understand why he came to our home twice after saying after the first time when he spoke so rudely to me and how he referenced my DH that he would call today. Why turn up two days in a row? It felt very intimidating.

He was meant to call today at 4pm, it's now ten past 6 and no call. I wouldn't put it past him to come to our door again.

DH said he will go back to the station tomorrow if we hear nothing. He is adamant he wants this tied up and this officer has made a mountain out of a molehill. I do wonder if now we've raised a formal complaint the officer is trying to drop it now. Especially with us also reporting the provocative behaviour that it stemmed from, with appropriate witnesses and pointing out the CCTV. DH also pointed out the vile things said and don't for two years beforehand and how this has been a long time coming. He was basically sticking up for our DS and family in general. The guy has nothing, no proof at all of his lies.

I have often defended the police but this has really made me question it. There is no justification for the conduct of the officer involved at all.
DH plans to ask him directly if given chance or one of his colleagues if he has any previous professional or personal connection to the complainant.

I hope so. I have menopausal related anxiety and this is not helping at all.

DD is livid that we've been accused of homophobia, she is part of a LGBTQ club at school and said she is often told how lucky she is because we accept her completely and support her a 100%

I hope your DH takes this all the way. The cop is a cunt.

No, don't worry. The police will start looking soon into it seriously. Come back and tell us how the story evolved and this man left your life

Unfortunately you and your husband have done nothing to help yourselves, by your own description of what you both did. You sound as crackers as the man in question.