I'm going to try and keep this brief but it's difficult due to context
Until 2021 we were friends with the owner of a local business along with a big group of other adults. Over time, business owner became more and more bullying to me personally. It was very obvious that he was obsessed with my DH.
DH is straight. Never gave the guy any reason to believe otherwise. We have been together for over 25 years. The catalyst to say "enough" for me was his behaviour at our wedding reception where he was rude to guests and where he was heard saying DH should have married better as he's better looking than me.
During our honeymoon we were told he was slagging me, telling people he was jealous of me (which he had said to me more than once whilst he was drunk). We decided to take a break from him but he was then slagging our teens off, saying they are weird and freaks. This is a man nearing 60. He has been known to abuse booze and drugs, not something any of the rest of us have much to do with. To be honest we all originally felt sorry for him and would cook him meals. He didn't seem to have anyone and said he had been dumped by a former group for being gay.
Anyway, over two years we've had people connected to him look at me like scum. We've had false complaints made against us to tax officers, and about our son having Disability allowances as he does have some quite serious illnesses. Throughout all the nastiness, we've kept quiet. We blocked him across social media although we were told that he was still being abusive about me pretty regularly until all our mates also blocked him.
On Friday, DH was bringing DS home from school and drove past the male. He jumped up, screaming his head off, the car windows were open and he was calling them both wankers and cunts and throwing fists. He was clearly drunk. Two acquaintances of ours saw this and told him to sit down. DH drove home.
He was angry though and rang the male, calling him some choice names. He did not threaten him. He had simply had enough and DS was so upset, he cannot deal with loud noise or aggression.
On Saturday morning, DH went to get some shopping and the police turned up. The officers were incredibly rude to me. They didn't even refer to my husband by his name or Mr surname, just spat his surname at me and asked is he in? He's never been in trouble with police in his life but they acted like he was some frequent offender.
I asked what was it about and the officer sneered at me that "he's an adult allegedly" so I shut the door. I heard the officer say through the door he would be back to arrest me later if my husband wasn't back!
I immediately called DH who drove to the local police station. He was made to sit there for over an hour and then the lady on the desk seeing no one had spoken to him since she had when he arrived phoned the officers. DH mentioned to her that he was provoked, that the behaviour of the male complainant was dangerous and threatening and that where he was has CCTV and he had two witnesses to the behaviour too (as the acquaintances had offered to give a statement if we wanted to raise a complaint).
The officers refused to speak to DH saying they would call Tuesday (today).
Instead, the rude one turned up at our door at 7pm on Sunday. Again he had an attitude. My husband even asked him how can we trust him when he refers to him so rudely the day before?
He had not looked into DHs side. He had not spoken to our witnesses. He had not asked for CCTV but was demanding DH come to the station and sign a community resolution and pay a compensation amount to the Man!
He refused to agree to do that. I got angry as I said the officer was failing to show due diligence and look into the facts of a case. I'm aware the guy involved has friends in the local police, and feel my husband is being blamed fully for being provoked after two years of aggressive behaviour and lies.
DH is accused of threatening him and of using homophobic slurs. There is no recording of this phone call and considering we have family members who are gay, we are the last people to be homophobic, but this is a tale he has told before to garner sympathy. He also once said a couple in a bar had called him a gay slur but they had simply asked him to not rock their table as he knocked a drink over. It's his default sympathy card.
When DH said he would not agree to sign anything or admit fault, he would like to take it further, the officer said "is that a threat". It clearly wasn't but he was sneering.
He then said he would need to get back to DH as he isn't satisfied with "our attitude".
The thing is, in the time we have stopped speaking to the complainant, along with 90% of our group, we met a couple who knew him before us and were used by him in a similar way. This was one of the couples he accused of homophobia. They said they stopped speaking to him because they became aware of an inappropriate relationship between the man and a 15 year old. The police had failed to look into it as the child was in care but they said as parents they didn't want him near their child.
Because the officer was so defensive of the complainant, DH said to him that this isn't the first time the police have turned a blind eye to his behaviour, mentioning the boy.
He is now worried that they can charge him for saying that to the officer
We've also looked into the community resolution and the police don't even come to your home they call and see if you agree to it and take things further if needed. So why come out twice?
I've contacted the independent body for police complaints but I understand that can take months.
We have heard nothing more but DH said he is worried he will go to prison- he's been doom scrolling on Google and I doubt that would happen but frankly, I think the officer knows the complainant and no doubt the CCTV the man has will be deleted.
Can anyone offer advice? We can't afford a solicitor. Surely they can't just decide without speaking to witnesses that DH is at fault. I did get angry at the officer but he was being so one sided and aggressive he didn't want to hear what DH had to say and had clearly decided from his first attending our home that DH is at fault.He was shouting over both of us and showed no professionalism. He would not hear that DH was provoked and that there was more evidence for that than what this liar was saying. Surely you can't bring any form of case or community resolution with neither evidence not investigation into the full events and provocation?
Can we have the officer removed and how?