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Legal matters

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Father leaves kids alone

7 replies

Squashymum · 22/05/2023 19:02

My ex has our younger two girls, aged 9 and 11 every other weekend, unless that clashes with a work event, which through the summer is frequent. However, I have found out that he is leaving them alone in the house several times a day to attend to work matters. He can be gone any where from 10 mins to an hour. The girls never know long he is going to be out, they do have phones and he is rarely more than 2 miles away, but it upsets them. The Internet says its not illegal but I am not happy about it. I ensure my girls always have an adult in the house (me or my 18 year old daughter) as I think it's appropriate and safe. He did it several times last year and I told him it wasn't to happen and it stopped but now it turns out that it is a regular occurance, and he has told them not to tell me, and he has also stated to the girls that if I have a problem with it then he won't be able to see them any more at all and it will be my fault. I have suggested that he see them them in an evening on weekdays instead and return them home so they won't be left but he has said he cant do that either as he has ither commitments. It has also got to the point that I have had to threaten to suspend contact as he is smoking with them in the car. This is illegal and my 12 year old has asthma. I also have very real concerns of the cleanliness of his home, they complain it smells of animal urine and dirt. I have mentioned it several times but he says they are over reacting. Tbh he has lower than average stands of cleanliness and personal hygiene and his dirty scruffy ways are a big part of why we are not together. All I am asking is for the 4 days a month he sees the girls that he ensures the house is clean, he doesn't smoke in the car and he doesn't leave them alone at all .He refuses to agree and states that I am being unreasonable, ...am I ?

OP posts:
Theysoughtitwiththimbles · 22/05/2023 19:10

You’re not being unreasonable! I’d suggest you repost this on the ‘am I being unreasonable thread as it seems to be this your after rather than specific legal advice?

I’m not an expert but I think there are rules about not leaving children under 14 home alone. 14 is the legal age for babysitting, which is arguably what your 11/12 year old is doing. I would have thought the combination of smoking, poor hygiene and neglect would ring ss alarm bells

longstayer · 22/05/2023 19:13

Unfortunately you can't dictate how he cleans his house unless it is truly awful.

There is also no reason why an 11 year old can't be left unattended for short periods - many kids that age let themselves into empty houses after school. I am not sure what social services would think of leaving a 9 year old for short periods during the day with an older sibling.

clary · 22/05/2023 19:20

there are rules about not leaving children under 14 home alone. 14 is the legal age for babysitting

That's not the case @Theysoughtitwiththimbles actually. what is illegal is neglecting a child but there is no legal age to babysit or leave a child alone - because an 11yo if NT can probably be left for (say) an hour or so after school; IMO a 9yo is fine for 10-15 mins if they are OK with it - so it varies depending on the child. An ND child may not be ready to be left at 14 or older.

OP I have no legal knowledge but suggest the smoking is a real issue. Also if your DC are not happy being left then that's not OK. No very helpful advice tho, sorry.

HotPenguin · 22/05/2023 19:34

I don't think that's acceptable, you can't make an 11 year old responsible for a 9 year old. What if they had an argument?

Oblomov23 · 22/05/2023 19:49

I don't think you have any grounds whatsoever. There is no law, and the 14 is only nspcc guidelines. 11 and 9 is not an unreasonable age to leave kids alone for 10 minutes to an hour. Mine (ds1 & 2) were glued to the x box wouldn't even notice if Dh and I were in the garage for 2 hours! If you reported this to SS I doubt they would have grounds to do much.

Theysoughtitwiththimbles · 22/05/2023 21:03

Ah, ok, that’s interesting re legal.

I’m a teacher and from experience if we were aware of children left as Op describes - regularly alone/ smoking/ cleanliness that would be a safeguarding issue for us. I think the children feeling unsafe/ not knowing when the father was due back would rank as a significant factor from a school angle.

Pleasegotobed · 11/06/2023 15:30

My ex left my dc age 13, 10 and 8 in the house alone overnight so he could go to work. My solicitor advised it was unlikely a judge would be interested so I think it’s unlikely you’ll get anywhere tbh. I despair really.

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