Court to assess routine

[jasper333]

We have had a fortnightly routine set up pretty much from when we split 1.5/2yrs ago.

Child is going to attend school in sept and I want a weekly routine, for the child and school to know where he is each week and so that I can manage my work responsibilities whilst maximising the time I get to spend with him.

Dad is refusing and wants me to propose through solicitor, solicitor says it will go to court and then has to warn me it could award more in dads favour than mine. But I'm not arguing for more custody, I will be happy to keep the 50/50 split.

I'm now scared to death that I am being pushed to go to court and then could lose some of my 50% share of care.

@jasper333 I think your reason for wanting change is flawed. Any parenting arrangements are for the child, not the school. Therefore if the system is working ok for your child, why change it? The school has no views whatsoever. You need to tell the school who the resident parent is. Who gets child benefit. You need to tell them who is picking up DC in your routine.
Certainly doesn’t have to be weekly. Lots of parents do 5/14 nights. This means it’s not exactly even and schools accept this.

Therefore I do not entirely see why you need to change. However, when DC do clubs and see friends after school, and at weekends, just make sure DC gets to go with both parents signing up to what DC needs.

Because being a working single mum I need my job and having set days each week with my child would help to ensure I can parent and work to my best abilities.

I would like to be able to make arrangements with my work to finish early on my days I have my child so that I can collect him from school, but my work won't be able to work on a fortnightly schedule, ie mon & Tues one week and then the following week a weds & Thurs.

It would also mean that I could be solely responsible for what my child does on the days he is set to be with me. His father is coercive and I need to minimise the interaction we have.

I have qualified for legal aid and I am about to discuss with a solicitor but I am scared of the court route.

Why can you not get a child minder? Everyone else does. So you do not want time with DC? You prefer Dc to be with coercive parent? Is this of benefit to Dc? Sounds odd to me. Let DC go to dad at weekends plus 1 night. You presumably want the child benefit? What’s really best for your child. More time with you, or coercive dad? Or is this really about who is collecting from school?

Have you asked your workplace or are you just assuming they wont be able to accommodate your request?

I think you have a fair agreement for set days - it would be in the child’s best interest -

Monday Tuesday Wednesday with mum - Thursday Friday with Dad - day each at the weekend -

Then you could take them to classes.

And the child minder comments? Just why would you pay for a third adult when you could cover the time with your own child?

You could work longer days when you don’t have them which will benefit them having the additional income.

I'm shit scared of being looked at unfavourably, I will ask if things don't look good for setting the same days. I do a good job at work but I'm in fast pacing sales and being consistent is crucial.

Sorry I didn't include Fridays. This is because we currently swap who has him on weekends and that covers from Friday after preschool until Monday morning drop off.

So it is just Monday to Thursday to rearrange. We are very 50/50 and I am not doing anything to change this.

I'm ignoring the comments from that other poster, they seem very negative/pessimistic.

The whole point in going through this (is to maximise the time my child has being looked after by his parents rather than in after school clubs etc.

Attending after school clubs may well be perfectly fine, but for the first year at school I want to be able to pick my child up on the few days I get to see him each week.

I have proposed the changes through the solicitor as he requested and he's ignored the letter.

I have asked work today about leaving work early on one day a week so that I can collect him on time after school. See what they say now.

I see no reason at all why fifty fifty custody would change. The courts tend to favour this anyway. So saying you could lose custody time sounds like a scare tactic to me.

@askmeonemoretime No. They do not favour 50/50. For the simple reason that for many families it doesn’t work for the children. Private arrangements can work if schools are nearby both parents, but frequently this is not the case and the resident parent gets more time with Dc to facilitate school. Dc are not shared out to meet parental wants. They need an established routine to ensure they thrive. 5/14 is the most used split. Unless there are very clear reasons not to.

Thanks for this. What is 5/14 split?

5 nights out of 14. So 2 nights followed by 3 nights in a typical fortnight. Parents often do weekends plus a night in the week or tagged on to a weekend. Depends on school and work commitments of parents and travelling to and from parents.

If neither parent works, or distances are too great, sleeping arrangements are difficult (eg sofa surfing) or drug.alcohol use, or mental health issues. or work commitments (periods away) make this difficult, courts vary arrangements. Obviously special cases vary arrangements considerably.

I live 2 mins walk away from the school, he lives 20min drive away.

I just want a regular weekly routine, I don't want to take any portion of his care away (only if it is deemed best for the child as I live so close to the school)

Hopefully he wanted the routine change proposed through the solicitor so that we can legally agree a routine going forwards. I just want what's best for the child and I don't want to have to battle that out when it's common sense.