Urgent - Refusal to provide CETV in Divorce?

[ARoomSomewhere]

Married 23 years. STBEXH worked F/T, I raised our 2 disabled children (as Carer).
He'd refused to discuss this arrangement throughout the marriage & I was unable to work or to build any financial stability for my old age. He could also be very aggressive with me, had history of 'disappearing' & was highly controlling.

18m ago he walked out & stayed out. Got a flat. Paid no maintenance, no access required for children. Habit of 'turning up' & expecting to walk in / out as chose. I said No as too confusing for kids (18 & almost 16 but 'younger' due to SN/SEN) & also I am now reliant on single parent benefits & do not want any confusion.

I have got a lawyer (legal aid so very junior). We have been working towards a Separation Agreement (prelude to Divorce - I am in Scotland). He has refused to engage a lawyer. We have a Minute of Agreement scheduled but he won't provide the current CETV (only real asset is Pension - pot is around 200k?).

Meantime, he has obtained an adult ASD dx & is seeking medical retirement on this basis (apparantly his work have agreed to a redundancy). He has had some sort of breakdown & the DVLA have withdrawn his licence (he needs for work)

He was here just now, being aggressive. Fortunately the children were at College / School. He wanted me to tell him details of a trip our 18 yo is taking tomorrow. I'd already texted that I'd keep him informed (with SN it can be unpredictable) but that was 'not good enough'. I asked him to leave but I've had enough now.

Sorry this is long. I want to change the locks so he can't do this again.
I can't until we are divorced. I want to get on with it. Do I instruct my lawyer to write to his pension fund? Do I wait to see what happens re his retirement?

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading & I'd be glad of your thoughts.

Is the house jointly owned, if so you can’t change the locks as it’s half his. You may have to sell it and split the proceeds. You need to go to CMS to get child maintenance but spousal maintenance is hard to get. You need to get a job to start building up a pension for your old age. If your kids are at college and school and they are older, even with sen it’s not impossible to work part time.

@Throwncrumbs Yes house is jointly owned.
I am a Carer (DWP recoginsed) to both young people who are only at settings part time. No prospect of being able to gain paid employment around that sadly.

My concern is that it has now been 18m & he is stonewalling.
He was in f/t employment at the beginning of this, he is now looking at a medical retirement. What consequences does this have for me re Divorce?
He is currently 'off sick' but this could change very soon.
He doesnt' have a lawyer to write to.
So, does my lawyer write directly to his pension fund?

I am facing considerable extra costs until the end of my life as both our kids will need long term care. He has simply walked away as it is 'too stressful for him'.

does anyone else have any advice please?

My lawyer suggested a 60:40 split of the pension (given my being unable to work due to being a f/t Carer 19 years, late 50's so unlikely to build own £ now)
He said NO but will provide CETV as at now & offer 50% of that. Only, he hasn't.
And his circumstances have changed a lot whilst I've been waiting.

I'm so sick of his verbal aggression. I just want it done so I can change locks.

Is your house still on a mortgage, if you own it outright can you not ask to have the house and he keeps the pension? If a mortgage is still being paid how will that work out if he stops working? He could say he wants his part of the house. I think if he doesn’t show his pension to your solicitor it will go to a judge to decide. Poor you, sounds like you well rid.

I’d be very surprised if he got ill health retirement with a recent ASD diagnosis as he’s clearly worked successfully all his life with that condition. It’s not as if it’s something like MS that doesn’t usually have any impact until it’s diagnosed and is also degenerative.

Oh, and just leave the key in the lock if you want to keep him out when you’re home.

No to 60-40 go for 80 -20

he can retire and then set up his own company

you don’t have a pension or security

he can also supply work and medical letters

Can you split a pension once it's being drawn down? Wonder if he thinks by retiring and drawing, he takes that asset off the table?

@Throwncrumbs
The house IS still on a mortgage yes. It is an interest only one which is due repayment in 6 years. There is no vehicle to do so. There is no equity either.
He has made grand noises about 'giving me the house' but the lawyer, even the young trainee I've been given, has said thats an empty gesture. In 6 years the kids & I will have nowhere to live as it currently stands.

@Soontobe60 He has a diagnosis of Depression & Anxiety too so I guess that's what the basis of it will be. Incredibly, considering he put nothing into the literally years of appointments involved in getting the kids diagnosis sorted, he asked for my help with the letter to the Psychaitrist (he's Dyslexic so I 'had to do it'). I thought it might help him, & put his finances on a better footing (he has been signed off for 11 months with this latest bout of MH issues) but as soon as it was sorted he was back screaming at me about my MH (I am fine, no history)
I still think he'll be lucky to waltz away with a medical retirement & £ chunk but he's an entitled sort & they often seem to get their way.

@Shadowworry Lawyer said 'any more than 60:40 gets much more complicated & might not be legal aid for that as no history of DV' (there is, but it was ages ago I complained & the Police were useless). He was outraged enough at the thought of splitting his pension at ALL ('my job, my money, my bank a/c')
He said NO to 60:40 so I think there is no chance of more. He wont go off & start a Company, he is a manual labourer who likes to sit in a chair & watch TV.
He has said he intends to move 350 miles away though, so he certainly won't be doing any input into the needs of his young people (not that he does now)

@tealgate - that's my worry. I certainly can't trust him to do the decent thing.

He did provide a valuation around a year ago (sorry if that's a dripfeed). He has said NO to 60% but he 'would consider' splitting the CETV now (ie a further year of pension contributions). But because he says his pension co wont provide an uptodate figure then I'm not sure which is better financially to push for & I'm worried that, if he DOES retire through ill health / start to draw down the pension then I might get less so I feel I need to get on with it ASAP ?
Plus then I can change the locks. I came in today after dropping Ds at College (he can't use public transport alone) to find him sitting at the kitchen table having let himself in & made himself a cup of tea 'as he has a GP appt shortly'.
(our GP is across the road & he hasn't changed practice). It needs to be my space.