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Legal matters

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Original poster

Ex going for 50/50 in a way to hurt me

16 replies

Clo296 · 15/05/2023 13:29

We have been separated for 2 years and have a 4 year old son. We have an arrangement which works, 2 weekdays and alternate weekends. My family usually facilitate care on the Saturday day as he is working. In retaliation to me selling my house and him thinking he is entitled to something out of it (my mortgage, my deposit, my bank account, not married) he has now said he’s going for 50/50 and wants an offer from me out of the house. There is currently no problem with the current arrangement and he now has sent a very aggressive solicitors letter saying he wants to completely change it and if I don’t agree within a week he’s starting court proceedings. He is a pathological liar (undiagnosed) ex drug user and has let our son down on several occasions, he has tried to justify that he will be able to facilitate shared care because he new gf of a couple of months will care for him, im naturally not comfortable with this but will a court see this as reasonable? he lives in a touring caravan and often brings him home hungry and in dirty clothes which are often too small and doesn’t brush his teeth etc etc. I fear so much they are going to be taken in by his lies and believe that he can facilitate the care our son needs but I know he can’t! We are booked in for mediation but he’s already said he’s just going to say what he wants and that’s all he’s prepared to say! Help please any advice or anyone who has been in a similar situation? Thank you

OP posts:

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 15/05/2023 15:09

Not a lawyer however ultimately this is just going to have to happen. As you said he has no rights to the house so he's going after the one thing he has to hurt you. If you give in now, he'll do the same the next time he doesn't like something.

Do you think he really will take you to court? He doesn't want 50/50 and based on your post I assume he doesn't exactly have much money to front up for a court battle? He very much could try to scare you.

He's going to look a right tit at mediation if thats his stance. Keep arguements child-centric. If he's in a touring caravan where will son sleep/do homework? How will he facilitate childcare and taking him to school? How will he cope with 50/50 care when he has already missed X out of Y days of visitation? How can he take more when he can't facilitate what is already agreed?

If you can get it all sorted legally it removes a threat. If it goes your way and you get a lives with order, even better.

FartSock5000 · 15/05/2023 16:20

Fight back OP.

Let him rage at you and take you to court. Then you can show them who he really is by exposing his lack of suitable facilities to care for DC as well as all of the missed visits (make the list). A judge will see he is posturing.

Worse case scenario he gets 50/50 but you know he won't keep to that.

Otherwise ignore his threats. He's a weak coward using the same old tactics to control you.

purpleboy · 15/05/2023 16:22

Keep a diary of events every time ds comes home hungry etc.. dates and time of all off it, communicate via text or email only so his threats/ unreasonableness are all written down.
Let him take you to court, you will have plenty of evidence to show he is an unfit parent.

Luckydog7 · 15/05/2023 16:28

Do you have it in writing that he said he was going for 50/50 to get cash out of you? Of not try to. That's going to make an interesting piece of evidence in court if it comes to that.

fortheloveofflowers · 15/05/2023 16:31

This is so common. Let him crack on and take you to court. He’s bullying you and in reality will likely to give up.

Emerald95 · 15/05/2023 17:00

If he is so concerned getting the money from your house sale it seems counter productive to take you to family court as Solicitors cost a small fortune.
You said Ex has him 2 week days, is this overnight too? Because 2 week nights and e/o weekend is not much different to 50/50 which would be a negative for you in court.
If you did pay him, there is nothing stopping him going to court anyway. I would say the new GF is possibly a driving force in this, nothing gets a deadbeat more interested in their child than a new GF saying he's being done over.

FairFuming · 15/05/2023 17:17

I agree the new GF might be a big factor in this. Why would a gf of a few months agree to watch his child on a regular basis? Like PP have said, document everything.

RandomMess · 15/05/2023 17:19

Mediation is not suitable in cases of abuses so at your first meeting with the mediator you detail the abuse of you and the neglect of your son. Then it's court.

Shadowworry · 15/05/2023 17:20

Talk to him by text only and be reasonable

and keep all the texts and be factual

eg james came home dirty and filthy see photos attached on Saturday - do you have enough clothes at yours and he said he was hungry can you reassure me when he ate and what he ate etc??

and be bloody nice in your messages to him

Saucemonkey · 15/05/2023 17:22

Court may be the best thing all round. The court needs to know he has threatened 50/50 over not getting cash.

TizerorFizz · 16/05/2023 17:04

@Clo296 To reassure you, many court cases end up with 5/14 nights for the non resident parent. Your ex sees his DS for around that already.

50/50 is not reasonable due to the needs of your child. This is because he needs a stable arrangement to facilitate school and seeing friends as he gets older. Some solicitors are not pragmatic about what is reasonable and write what the client wants, but I would call his bluff. How would he actually facilitate care for DS? You can also ask for hair tests re drug use. I rather suspect nothing would change. You can keep a record of your ex’s mismanagement of DS but always keep the focus on DS and what’s best for him.

trevthecat · 16/05/2023 17:13

Does he actually have the money to take you to court?

fabulous01 · 17/05/2023 22:48

Just been through court!

not married, but my ex is in prison for child sex abuse

house was sold, I wanted some of his equity to rehouse me and the kids (we moved due to his offences, stigma, media)

I took schedule 1 childrens act

he did a counter allegation of TLATA

you can not dispute what the house is owned by. So I didn’t dispute that ( he even wanted to charge me rent even though he also had images of his own kids…) which I found out he probably had sold (couldn’t prove that in law)

so from prison the process was through courts .. his parents (in public roles … paid for their paedo son to contest this even though we have been homeless)

so £50 k spent by his folks … I represented myself £spent 10 k only because it went to trial … yes longer on this than his criminal conviction.

so good luck! I know a fab Mckenzie friend who will help

i found the 3 judges lovely… they didn’t like him … but it isn’t easy

good luck

JimnJoyce · 17/05/2023 23:40

is he likely to take you to court? It will cost him thousands to do so. Its also very likely to take 2 or 3 sessions to come to an agreement for the CAO and this will take a long time.

Wishitsnows · 17/05/2023 23:52

don’t hand over any money from the house sale in the hope it will impact how often he has your child. He could accept the money and the next day apply for 50/50 and the court will disregard any financial arrangement. Don’t let him bully you into this.

Crazycrazylady · 18/05/2023 21:16

Honestly op.
I'd rely very reasonably that you don't agree that 50'. 50 would be in the child's best interests given his current set of circumstances so suggest that maybe ye should go to court to let the judge decide..
Kill him with kindness and reasonableness.. by the sound of things he will lose interest fairly quickly

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