Solicitors Letter

[Summerdayz11]

Looking for some help / reassurance.

I’ve received a solicitors letter from my ex. He has been asking for more time with the DCs since he moved to his own home.

Hes asked for full weekend including Sunday overnight (currently we split the weekend and he has Fri or sat) and half the holidays. He also has Tuesday overnight.

How likely he’ll get Sunday overnight since he lives 7 miles away meaning the DCs have to take a 25 minute car journey rather than 5 minute walk.

And how likely is it he’ll get half the holidays? I’m a teacher and don’t work holidays where as he gets standard 25 days so won’t even be him having them.

I think it’s good that he wants to spend more time with his children! I think it would be better for the kids for him to have Sat / Sun / Mon nights and half the holidays. He has enough annual leave to just about cover half the school holidays and can also use holiday clubs for the days he doesn’t have AL.
A 25 min car ride is far better than a 5 minute walk when the weather is bad.
Rather than fighting him on this, look for the best way for the children.

All you can do at this stage is counter his offer with what you deem to be fair. He's surely not trying to get them every weekend, all weekend? That'll never fly. And if he's planning on putting them in childcare in the hols you could say you'd be better and happy to have them. See what comes back and take it from there. Just because he asked for something doesn't mean he'll get it.

Counter offer with alternate weekends as it’s not fair on the children to only see one parent every weekend. That way he still gets a chunk of time.

It seems he wants to get it to 50/50 but not considering the needs of the children

On the face of it, it sounds a reasonable request. Unless there's any safety / protection reasons.

A 7 mile journey is unlikely to be seen as unreasonable. Many would drive that to school anyway.
Again, half the holidays I don't think is unreasonable - even if he needs to provide childcare during that time.

Unless you can propose an alternative way of splitting the time?

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. He has asked for eow. As opposed to our split (which me and the Dcs prefer).

i don’t think the Sunday overnight is a good idea as they’ll have to get up earlier and will be more tired.

Sorry should say split weekend!

EOW is pretty standard, and a 25 minute drive to school is not the end of the world. I think you need to give on this. It's not a big deal.

So the EOW in itself sounds reasonable - its what many do.

The Sunday night - how much of your unease is subjective, versus objective?
25 minutes for a 7 mile drive sounds a lot - but maybe is reasonable for the traffic / roads around you. But when you compare with the 5 minute walk, then the argument about getting up earlier / being tired now amounts to 20 mins max. Which sounds more subjective.
I'd assume a more objective reason would stand more chance of success e.g. he'd then be responsible for school drop-offs / school-bags / what's needed for after school club has to be taken to or available at his too etc