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Legal matters

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Original poster

Divorce finances advice

19 replies

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 12:37

Hello, I'm hoping someone can weigh in on my soon to be divorce dilemma and help me focus my thoughts. Background is I have been married for 20 years and things have very quickly gone badly wrong in my marriage. I believe there is another woman in the picture and my DH and I have stopped communicating. We do not live together (complicated reason) but were very committed to each other until very recently. I was married before and left my previous husband for my current one. This has always weighed heavily on me and I guess I am guilty of expecting too much of my current DH to justify leaving my previous husband.

Anyway, I am very concerned about how things will go for me for the Financial Order. I have no savings because I have basically squandered all of my money. I also have sizeable credit card debt. My DH does not know about any of this. We always paid for everything separately. We do not have a house having always rented but what I do have is a fairly chunky pension. My DH has a small inheritance and no pension at all. He has always worked and has 10 years to go before retirement age.

Does anyone have an experience at all of how the Financial Order will go? Does that court just look at all the assets and debts and makes a decision from there? In terms of the pension, I know my DH is legally entitled to half of it but how is this figure actually calculated? Will he be liable for any of my debts? Will my debt be looked upon unfavourably and the court will return some of my pension to him to effectively cancel it out? I have scoured the internet for some answers but it all very vague. Any pointers or advice gratefully received.

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 08/05/2023 13:16

You will have to make a full financial disclosure to your husband.

If possible, you should try to agree the financial split with him. That would be much better than going to court over it.

Your husband is not legally entitled to half your pension. He may be entitled to a share of it, but this is normally dealt with by giving him more of the other assets so that you keep your pension.

He will not be liable for any of your debts if they are in your own name.

If you do go to court, the factors the court will consider are set out at Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 (legislation.gov.uk).

Matrimonial Causes Act 1973

An Act to consolidate certain enactments relating to matrimonial proceedings, maintenance agreements, and declarations of legitimacy, validity of marriage and British nationality, with amendments to give effect to recommendations of the Law Commission.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/25

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 14:05

Thank you for your reply. I have no other assets to "trade" for my pension. I have no savings. I know he will react badly when he finds out about my financial state. When you say I should try to agree with him without going to court, does that mean they might award half my pension to him if we did go to court? I'm happy to stay away from anything he has such as his savings and inheritance.

OP posts:

caringcarer · 08/05/2023 16:35

It is usual to pension share if marriage is longer than 5 years. Generally everything is thrown into the pot including savings, pension and often inheritance if he inherited whilst you were married. You will both complete a full financial disclosure form. Does your DH pay into ISA instead of pension? If so ISAs will be taken into account.

prh47bridge · 08/05/2023 16:42

As the previous poster says, everything goes into the pot. It may be that you get a smaller share of his assets in return for keeping your pension. Whether you want them or not, his inheritance and savings go into the pot. Maybe you can agree that you keep your pension, in return for which he keeps his savings and inheritance.

This is a negotiation. You may not want his inheritance and savings, but don't give them up straight away. If you do, you have nothing left with which to argue for your pension.

It is better to agree with him rather than go to court as it is cheaper and you are more likely to end up with a result you are both reasonably happy with.

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 18:36

Thank you for your reply. I'm not aware of him paying into an ISA. We always discussed my pension pot and what we would do when we retired. I'm not against sharing it and understand my position. Things will blow up when he finds out about my debt (which I am paying off) and he may get vindictive.

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Original poster

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 18:41

Thank you for your advice, especially the reminder about negotiating. I guess I am letting things run away from me. He hasn't actually filed yet but I am dreading it - so many unknowns. I would like to stay away from court and I imagine he would too. What happens with my debt? I spent the money on the usual female stuff - clothes, makeup, etc. Would I have to sell some of it in order to recoup? At the end of the day, I spent matrimonial money on myself and I don't understand how to account for it.

OP posts:

Meeting · 08/05/2023 18:45

Sorry OP you are making yourself sound awful.

FoolsOld · 08/05/2023 18:49

But if you have separate finances, why does it matter how much debt you're in or how you spent it? If you're splitting, surely he has no say any more. Or will he be mad that you don't have more savings to share in the divorce? How much debt are you in?

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 18:57

Thanks for that. In what way?

OP posts:

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 18:59

@Meeting Thanks for that. In what way?

OP posts:

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 19:01

@FoolsOld Yes, exactly. I've come into money over the years and I didn't bother to save any of it. I think he will be very angry. I kept my debt hidden out of shame. If I really put my mind to it, I could probably sell everything and pay off most of it. It's around £23k.

OP posts:

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 08/05/2023 19:02

Generally when everything is thrown in the pot that includes debt irrespective of who's name it is in and what it was spent on.

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 08/05/2023 19:04

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow Thank you. I guess he might have debt I don't know about. I guess we'll see. I guess I will have to find a way to negotiate with him.

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Mumof3confused · 11/05/2023 22:57

You could just negotiate with him without mentioning the debt. Does he expect you to have savings?

you could just speak to him and say ‘these are the assets, I suggest I keep my pension and you keep XYZ’ and he may agree to this which means you then don’t have to discuss your credit card liabilities.

prh47bridge · 12/05/2023 07:28

Mumof3confused · 11/05/2023 22:57

You could just negotiate with him without mentioning the debt. Does he expect you to have savings?

Both parties are required to make a full financial disclosure as part of any financial settlement. OP cannot hide her debt.

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 12/05/2023 12:18

@Mumof3confused Thanks for your reply. I wasn't planning on hiding the debt and know I will have to declare on the form. I think he does expect me to have savings. We have never shared our finances so really, neither of us knows what the other has. As I always thought of my pension as supporting us in our old age, l guess it doesn't make any difference if he takes some of it now. I was just curious to know how debt is treated in these situations. Is it seen as a "debit" in the pot? I don't expect him to pay for any of it. It's all in my name. I bought loads of useless stuff in a bid to make myself feel better. I wish I hadn't bit I did. My day of reckoning is coming.

OP posts:

Mumof3confused · 12/05/2023 19:08

prh47bridge · 12/05/2023 07:28

Both parties are required to make a full financial disclosure as part of any financial settlement. OP cannot hide her debt.

Show quote history

I’m not suggesting she should hide it but in discussions they may decide not to do Form E and just discuss/divide assets. It’s a liability which she doesn’t expect him to pay towards, so it’s hardly fraudulent. I believe some couples manage to agree without going down the route of Form E. Although if he expects there to be savings and there are none, there will obviously be questions.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/05/2023 19:14

Yes, don't hide the debt or pay it off right now

He can be as angry as he likes - your job is to make sure he's not allowed to communicate that to you. Block him everywhere then you won't know (or care) if he's angry.

I mean, he's fucking someone else - how about YOU be (appropriately) annoyed about that

Original poster

stbxw2023 · 18/05/2023 15:07

@LaurieFairyCake Sorry I missed responding to you. Thank for your message which contained an angle I hadn't really appreciated. He is with someone else and has decided to do this irrespective of my financial situation, which he knows nothing about. He will be angry but I'll be past caring.

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