Advice on wills with dh & dss

[Mrspepperpotsskirt]

We’re looking to update our will. We’ve 2 dd we share & dh has older ds who has 2 dc, my dh grandchildren. I have very lc & dss doesn’t hide disdain. Not exaggerating when I say he’s never had a conversation with his half siblings. I’ve stopped trying and do not want to include him in my will but dh wants to make some provision, although he is now also lc as dss makes no effort other than to give present lists for birthday etc. Dss is is not without money and will inherit a lot on mothers side. We don’t have lots but I obviously feel I want the majority to go to dds. Would a lump sum of dh half or a % share of his half of estate be only option.

Please don’t judge. Always easy to blame a step mum and is incredibly toxic family on dh side who are embroiled and made effective efforts to exclude me when dss was young. I tried but no longer care to.

Any suggestions/ thoughts appreciated

So what’s the issue? His will is divided between all his children. Your will between yours?

In our case we've agreed the value of DH's assets is split 3 ways, and the value of my assets is split 2 ways. So basically DSS will get 1/5 and our two children together will each get 2/5.

@Mrspepperpotsskirt you need legal advice.

One option is the property is owned as tenants in common, you and DH leave each other a life interest in your respective 50%. You leave your 50% to your 2 DC, DH leaves his 50% to his 3 DC.

You can leave guidance around the life interest such as the survivor can downsize to a suitable property but owned on the same basis. Survivor is responsible for maintenance etc.

There are implications such as CGT.

Thank you. I will look to get legal advice.
Was thinking if i were to survive dh neither I or dc would want dss to have any control or say on estate. In reality we would be nc. For that reason wondered if stated lump sum would be easier but would dss still have any claim going forward.

I'd stick with percentages, if you state an amount then that amount would come out first.

Eg. If it said 10k for dss, and rest split between dd's and you had 100k, that would be 40k each for DD. But if all but 12k was used on care, then dss would still get his 10k and dd's would get 1k each.

I would say the farest way is your half split between your 2 children, and DH's split between his 3. Your DD's would get 1/4+1/6 (apx 41.6%) and DSS would get 1/6 (apx 16.6%).

I agree go get a lawyer and they can help you with the nicknacks and money who gets what and when. I have step brothers and because I and the oldest boy was my dad's first wife's children when they die we get nothing I didn't expect to anyway but my real mum lived 140 miles away from us as children and dads wife was still jealous of her. Very cruel to me . I only say this because it isn't the children's fault how they came out it should all be made fair by both of you get everything together and split it up equally but I know you would do that

@Sprogonthetyne He only has one child. He has 2 grandchildren. The OP has 2 children with DH, so 3 DC in total.

I would do 1/5 to DS and 4/5 shared by the joint parented DDs, so 2/5 each. That represents parentage! Don’t put anything like jewellery in the will. Give it away earlier to DDs. Let DH decide if he wants to give anything of his to DS.

DS seems bitter and somewhat unhappy. DH could give personal things to the grandchildren too but DS is spoiling any relationship with their grandfather. Such a shame. If DH cuts son out, leave 1/5 (1/10 each) to grandchildren.