Hi! I'm a frequent visitor of MN but this is my first post!
Going through a stressful one at the minute, which I can really do without as I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my second DS to my loving partner.
I'm currently having some issues with my ex re contact with DS, who is 4.
As a bit of a backstory, ex took an overdose back in July last year with intensions to kill himself. He was taking many different pills, prescription and ones bought off the street. At the time he was living with his mum, who he was threatening to kill and trashing the house of. Contact at this time stopped with DS for about a month while he sorted himself out and I allowed contact to restart 1 day a week, but I was very clear his mum supervised the whole time and to make sure he was fed and cleaned etc. This went on for a few months until in October he was found to be back on the drugs, selling them and on one occasion left the pill packets on the kitchen counter overnight where DS could have gotten up and reached them. He had a big argument with his mum infront of DS, scaring him to the point of him needing to come home early, I once again stopped contact and even had to quit my job over this. He was kicked out and homeless for about 3 weeks, bought a car to live in but was found to be driving it illegally without license or insurance etc, and even crashed it into a shop. After the homeless period he moved in with his grandparents as his mum wanted nothing to do with him, and they helped him get clean and sort himself out once again, so I then allowed contact again. But once again it was fully supervised by the grandparents who I knew and trusted to to do so. This has been going on now for the last 4 months where he goes 1 night a week and stays at theirs and he loves going and spending time with his daddy, even though from what I've gathered from DS he just chucks him infront of the tv the whole time.
Now my issues started a few weeks ago as I found out from DS ex had bought another car and had somehow gotten a licence in 5ish months? And was wanting to take DS out in this car, I obviously said no as it wouldn't be supervised and I didn't want him anywhere near a car with him as I didn't trust he'd even got a license and his grandparents assured me this would not be happening. The week after, DS came home saying he'd been up and down the street in daddy's car, to which the grandparents denied all knowledge of so I once again reminded them of the rules and they knew contact would stop if they didn't abide. Now just yesterday DS tells me daddy has his own place he is moving into. When I messaged him regarding this he tells me it's correct and my rules are out the window, as the next time he see's him, which would have been this coming Friday, he would be stopping there with just him. I've said absolutely not and contact must be supervised if it is to keep going, to which he is not happy with and wanting to go the mediator/court route.
I think I'm fine with this, given what has happened I can't see them allowing unsupervised contact without regular drug tests etc. I'm just looking for a bit of advise really around the mediator and court part as I don't really know what to expect and just someone to give me some reassurance really. I'm just so concerned for my sons safety if he was to be alone with him, I think his dad will be straight back on the drugs and into that lifestyle again once he is not watched over by his family, and I don't want that for my little lad at all.
Whether it be worth trying like a contact centre or something - I'm not too sure right now.
Sorry it's a long one, I'm just really stressing at the min over all this. Thank you if you got this far, and any words of advise are welcome - thank you ladies😊