Hi
Sorry you are going through this stress. In terms of what will happen, in many ways it comes down to the judge you get on the day. some of them are nice, others are cunts, excuse my French.
It’s impossible to be able to advise you without knowing a lot more about your situation. I’ve been through quite a lot of court proceedings with my abusive ex and there are a few things I would say it’s sensible to be aware of
The courts are generally not very interested in domestic abuse unless it’s what they would consider very serious, proven, and has directly affected the child. The thresholds for this are ridiculously high and stupid, and most judges are ignorant about the issues. Think old school headmaster vibes, they are often dinosaurs.
this is a very fucked up aspect of the family court system, if you are able to speak with a direct access family court barrister (google it and you’ll find one, make sure they do family court as their main thing) even just for a consultation, you will probably find it helpful, they can advise you whether you ought to bring up the PTSD or your history with him because it can be viewed as sour grapes or you being overly emotional. It’s very Messed up but that’s how it often is.
in terms of arguing against changing from 60/40 to 50/50, your arguments would need to be clearly set out and entirely focused on what’s best for your child. Kids being a bit unsettled around contact / handovers is viewed as normal and won’t probably make much difference. Again, a barrister could help you formulate the strongest argument, and they will know which things the court care about, and which things are unlikely to consider.
in terms of your mental health, I would strongly encourage you to get whatever support you can in place. The family court system can be traumatic in itself, it isn’t always but it can be, and if you’re going into it with pre-existing trauma that’s going to add to the challenge.
The first hearing is usually a dispute resolution hearing Where you have the opportunity to agree something, if you can sort it out in this hearing, I would encourage you to do so.
If your ex has not applied for mediation, they might get told off about this. These sorts of issues should be resolved outside of the Court arena. Show them you’re trying to be reasonable and not adversarial. I would also spend as much time as you can reading everything on the Cafcass website, it’s not always how the system works, but at least it shows you what they want from parents.
In my experience, the court wants to see you being super grown-up and calm, if you get upset, they will assume you tend to get upset around your child and you’ll get blamed for making the kid unsettled, it’s just total bullshit to be honest. But you need to go in there Being reasonable and composed and always polite and friendly, regardless of however badly your ex behaves. That is the strongest position and the best way you can get them to listen to you. You will be expected to compromise so you could consider what things you might like to ask for as well which might be nice for you and your son but you are willing to back down on , so it looks fair from the outside.
so basically, my advice is get yourself some good legal advice (a barrister, not a solicitor if you ask me! They are like sales people, they promise too much and they are not the ones having to deliver it, that’s what barristers do which is why they are so much better at advising). Try not to go in there expecting them to be nice to you and then you will be pleasantly surprised if they are, they try to make it shitty on purpose I think, to dissuade people from starting proceedings. Just be as grown-up and level and reasonable as you possibly can and get yourself as much support as possible behind the scenes.
oh, there’s one other thing, you can often get a free introductory call with a professional Mackenzie friend service, they are not legally qualified, but they can be very helpful. If you’re going to use one I would read up about the controversy around them first, just so you’re aware. They can give shit advice but then so can anyone!
x