Do I need consent?

[Bubbletrubble]

Hello desperately seeking legal advice if possible please?

Ex and I broke up, history of coercive and controlling behaviour. We have a CAO for 1 dc, lives with order for myself and visitation with Dad. lHe also granted parental responsibility and wants to be informed about everything. Great.

He cited parental alienation when we went to court. I asked him to attend birth reg, he didnt turn up, let him know milestones/ events / health stuff etc and I never receive a response. Unfortunately court didnt ask for any evidence and just took his word.

CAO now in place, he does not communicate and barely says a word at handovers. I continue to put in writing dates when decisions need to be made, upcoming events, stuff related to DC and very rarely get a response.

I forwarded a letter from DC consultant as they asked us both to attend an appt to discuss upcoming operation and treatment plan. Asked ex at handover if he had seen it, confirmed he had and would attend. Appointment happens and I'm on my own, consultant states we both need to consent to operation. Asked ex why he didnt turn up and he doesnt say a word just smirks at me?!

I feel he is playing games and refusing to communicate to control me, but its impacting our child.

With a lives with order, do I need his consent? If so, what can I do about the situation? I doubt the court will care as they were very pro him previously and didnt see the abuse.

The other issue I have is he should have dc on two weekdays, he will message 10 mins before handover to say he isnt coming and i struggle to find childcare at such short notice so have to take unpaid leave. My wages are low, I'm scared work will put me on a disciplinary and cant afford to book childcare for these days in case he does turn up either.

Again, I feel it is about control as I've said I'm losing money not working and he just smirks. A support worker has said to log this and in 12 months go back to court... but I cant wait that long or afford to go back to court?

Does anyone have advice please? At a loss and I'm struggling that the control continues, I doubt court will be interested unless dc is affected though thanks

Yes, you need his consent. If he refuses to give it, you will have to take him to court for a Specific Issue Order. You should consider telling him that, if the court thinks he is being unreasonable in refusing to consent, he may have to pay your costs. That my produce some movement.

You don't need to wait 12 months before going back to court to vary the Child Arrangements Order, but you will need enough evidence to support the need for a change. To take an extreme example, if he has only failed to take them for the weekdays once, you won't get anywhere with getting the order varied. You will need a diary showing all the dates he has messed you around, though. If you want to know if you've got enough evidence, you should take legal advice.

Thank you for your reply, very helpful. I definitely think it's about control asit's the only way he can get at me now. he has been asked to put everything in writing yet refuses to communicate. Just feel so stuck as hospital consultant pushes me for a response so treatment can be moved forward, yet I don't get anywhere and i feel they are frustrated with me. I just dont have the spare money to go back to court at the moment.

Is this an essential operation (I presume so) in which case explain to the care team that the father of the child is refusing to sign as he is using it to control you, they will have procedures in place and can help.

If it's an elective procedure eg male circumcision for cultural reasons then consent is not going to be grant via the courts as its personal preference.

I don’t actually think you do need his consent, I think you only need consent from one person with PR.

Just explain to the Consultant what you’ve said here

Yes you need to make it very clear to the hospital that you don’t have control over this and get them to start there processes

Legally you don't even need consent of any parent if the child has capacity to give their own - you don't say how old they are, but that could be a solution.

In my practice, it would depend on the nature of the surgery, so if it was something very urgent where surgery was obviously necessary, like a compound fracture to the leg, or if i was something very minor like removing a skin tag under local - I'd generally be happy to go ahead with the consent of just the child if appropriate, or, one parent. On the other hand, even though it's probably legal unless there is a known objection from the other parent, if it was a procedure of marginal benefit, or something massive and non-urgent - an extreme example might be something like gender reassignment surgery or a major cosmetic procedure, I'd definitely seek consent from both parents.

Hi

Thank you everyone, it's a procedure that is needed but not emergency. Our dc will continue to be ill without operation.

It is also that he cited parental alienation previously despite me asking for input etc and I feel (might be wrong) that he is refusing to communicate so that I act and he can take me back to court again.

Last time I showed where I'd asked for his input, thoughts on vaccines etc but they weren't interested.

Just going round in circles

Sorry, child is too young for capacity.