Did my lawyers word my consent order wrongly?

[OxygenthiefexH]

My dick of an ex husband agreed on the consent order to pay half of the kids‘ uniform, trips and medical expenses, “when agreed in advance.” And what he’s actually doing is refusing to agree to anything.

He thinks this is his “get out of jail” card. I wouldn’t have signed the consent order if I’d known that he could wiggle out of his share in this way. Do I have any comeback? I’m paying for everything!

He complied with all other bits and pays his CM on the nose. But he’s being a dick about this stuff. Things like compulsory equipment for school, private prescriptions for things that the NHS won’t cover. They’re on his private medical insurance but he won’t even start a claim, and so I’ve had to pay stuff up front and have now added them to mine too. But I’m still being shafted.

Do I have any comeback?

Heads of terms were drawn up in the presence of counsel by the way, we should have gone to court but it was vacated at short notice so we went ahead with the negotiations whilst our barristers were tee’d up. Then the solicitors drew up the consent order.

Anyone?!

From his perspective, if these words were missing it would give you a blank cheque to demand payments from him. As they are there, it gives him a get out of jail free card. You need to consult a lawyer to see if his actions put him in breach of the order.

Are you able to put the exact wording of the clause on here?

If the exact wording was “when agreed in advance.” I would wonder if it should have said “when advised in advance.”

Advised seems to protect both parties, you notify before you spend the money and won’t get 50% if you forget to tell him. He knows upfront what you are buying and the cost and so it’s reasonable to pay 50%.

Well, OP, I'm in Ireland (so slightly different arrangements) but in my protracted divorce, still ongoing, there is likely to be a clause stipulating shared 'educational and medical costs' or perhaps just 'educational' costs, also 'agreed in advance'.

There is zero chance my ex will contribute. However, my options will be limited as taking it back to court for breach of agreement will be costly & take time, and in all likelihood ex will take the gamble that I won't do this.

It seems monstrously unfair but it like likely I will receive inadequate maintenance & that he won't uphold certain parts & there will be little practically I can do about it.

I don’t think he is wants to share costs other than CMS. Which is why he agreed to the wording as it was. It’s seems a bit pointless unless both people want to share costs and have a good co parenting arrangement. These People don’t need it put into a court order.

He never wanted to share costs and that’s why he agreed to it. He obviously never intended to do anything but pay CMS.

It's common to DS the words "agreement not to be unreasonably withheld". Without them you could still argue that there is an implied term that he will act reasonably, but it's more tricky.

I'd suggest explaining this to your solicitors and asking them to write him a warning letter. If they say that he can withhold his agreement without any penalty then you can ask them why they did not advise you of this when the agreement was drawn up.

@LemonTT I know he doesn’t want to share costs. I was answering the OPs question “Did my lawyers word my consent order wrongly?” By suggesting yes he original wording might have been a different.

I wouldn't recommend that to OP's ex as it still gives OP a blank cheque. It just means that she has to notify him in advance of spending his money.

Thanks so much for your wisdom on this. There is no way through is there? I’ve written to my solicitor and am waiting for a reply.

In my experience, people breach orders like this all the time, no one cares and there’s basically nothing you can do about it. you can word it how you like and get ever more detailed and specific orders but if someone wants to wiggle out they will find a way, so i wouldn't be pissed if with the wording, he is just letting you know who is in charge for whatever reason, maybe he has the hump about something. It’s exhausting I know.
It’s probably not worth going back to court over, so if he won’t agree with you you might be best just to see if he calms down overtime and decided to be magnanimous, but ultimately, there may well be nothing you can do about it. If you end up back in court for another reason obv raise it, otherwise you may have to just accept that’s the way it is.
recently been discussing with some other parents on a different thread that it can be quite helpful to ask for things you don’t need, so your ex feels they are in charge, then when you actually need something they might be in a better mood. Messed up!

Why do you want this level of contact with him? CMS isn’t great but if he earns well then it should be enough to cover school essentials and you have your own family insurance.

If you don’t get on, then regular back and forth over expenses is not going to work. You don’t have that type of relationship anymore and you won’t be able to force one.

By all means go to a solicitor and see what they can do. But if you have a clean break settlement, he pays CMS, you have a job and family health insurance, what is a court going to award you? Most people get a share of assets and CMS out of a divorce. That’s it and they cut ties.

This isn’t popular on parts of MN but I’d advise you to not to keep trying to engage or challenge him about money, no matter the justification. I suspect he is just ignoring you because he can. That means you are frustrating yourself and giving yourself stress. My opinion only but you would be better off trying to find some peace with the divorce and life after divorce, especially if you cannot change anything.

When your children are old enough they can ask him for things directly, just like they ask you, let him be the one to say no.