Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Divorced, no financial settlement - terminal illness?

41 replies

Shockedandworridbythistunt · 07/03/2023 05:45

Have name changed for this as potentially outing.
Exh filed for divorce and despite my lawyer asking his not to apply for final order until finances sorted he did and it was finalised.
We were preparing Form Es to exchange.
His mother told me just now that he is hospital and has been diagnosed with advanced cancer (he didn't want me to know but she thought I should) so now I can why he was so determined to push through the divorce before the settlement.
Am obviously contacting my lawyer today but any advice on what is likelyhappen? He has a girlfriend who has no job and four kids so would not be surprised if there is talk of a deathbed marriage.

OP posts:
Strictly1 · 07/03/2023 05:48

I would be kind and let him have his wish. His half is his. Unless you have children, that would change my thoughts. If you don’t, waiting it out so you get the lot seems grabby.

Pompom2367 · 07/03/2023 05:50

How long have you been separated op ? He is entitled to do what he wants with his half

Original poster
Shockedandworridbythistunt · 07/03/2023 05:58

I am confused by the responses.
I am not trying to 'grab' more than half!
He doesn't want me to have anything!
Rather than unkind references to 'grabbibg' was just trying to understand the legal position.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shockedandworridbythistunt · 07/03/2023 05:58

And the point is we are divorced, not separated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shockedandworridbythistunt · 07/03/2023 05:59

We were married for 27 years and have four children.

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 07/03/2023 06:01

I think you need some legal advice quickly from the lawyer that you used for the divorce.

lilyfire · 07/03/2023 06:08

You can still apply for a financial order even though you’re divorced. It’s preferable to get a financial order sorted before the divorce is final because there may be tax advantages to transferring assets between spouses and you may lose interests like payment to a spouse on death from pensions etc on divorce but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a financial order after the divorce. You could potentially claim in his estate after death if an order isn’t made before he dies. Definitely don’t panic. Your solicitor will give you full advice about it all.

Coffeepot72 · 07/03/2023 06:12

You could potentially claim in his estate after death if an order isn’t made before he dies. Definitely don’t panic. Your solicitor will give you full advice about it all.

This. And this sort of situation probably occurs more than you realise.

MamaBear2Cubs · 07/03/2023 06:13

What an absolute shit of a man. How dare he do this to you! Christ even his mother knows him well. Get it sorted now, he's not thinking of his children

PuddlesPityParty · 07/03/2023 06:33

MamaBear2Cubs · 07/03/2023 06:13

What an absolute shit of a man. How dare he do this to you! Christ even his mother knows him well. Get it sorted now, he's not thinking of his children

🤨 if he’s dying then he might not have been thinking in the most logical way and wanted to quickly push something through. I’m sorry but it this was a woman you would not have said any of this.

OP, not a good situation for you to be in - I’m sorry this has happened to you! I think the only thing you can do is speak to your divorce lawyer / solicitor and they’ll guide you through what to do.

silentpool · 07/03/2023 06:33

This is why your lawyer says don't finalise your divorce before the financial order as your ex-spouse (you in this case) can still come back for assets. I made sure I got my order for this reason. So consult your lawyer, OP and don't panic.

Original poster
Shockedandworridbythistunt · 07/03/2023 06:41

Thank you yes I have emailed my lawyer but wondered if others have had this situation. Obviously I did intend to get the final settlement some before the divorce but he went ahead with the final which he could now do under the new law. And he was pretending it was all amicable

OP posts:
SD1978 · 07/03/2023 06:49

Did you get a fair settlement? If he hadn't been unwell, and had a long life, would you be saying the same? Ultimately if this is what would have been given regardless, then I'd stop thinking about the what ifs- if he's been hit by a car the day after this had been signed, it would be no different. He may or may not be choosing the provide for his new partner. I wouldn't be fighting a financial settlement in the basis of his diagnosis, same as if it was the other way round, I assume you'd think he was a bit of a git if you were the one unwell?

tribpot · 07/03/2023 06:59

Did you get a fair settlement?
Surely this is the point - the OP hasn't completed a financial settlement yet. You would think it was more in the ex-H's interests than anyone to get this sorted out, since otherwise it leaves a messy situation with OP having to make a claim against his estate in order to settle matters. From googling, it looks far from straight forward (and I suspect would be even more so if the ex-H does remarry in the meantime).

OP, might be worth asking for your thread to be moved to Legal Matters, as I think that's what you're asking about, rather than the emotional ramifications of the situation.

Maedan · 07/03/2023 06:59

So what's he doing with the money? Surely he's not planning to leave it to the GF and not his kids? What a shit.

Nimbostratus100 · 07/03/2023 07:01

MamaBear2Cubs · 07/03/2023 06:13

What an absolute shit of a man. How dare he do this to you! Christ even his mother knows him well. Get it sorted now, he's not thinking of his children

what a horrible thing to say about someone who is seriously ill

Original poster
Shockedandworridbythistunt · 07/03/2023 07:15

tribpot · 07/03/2023 06:59

Did you get a fair settlement?
Surely this is the point - the OP hasn't completed a financial settlement yet. You would think it was more in the ex-H's interests than anyone to get this sorted out, since otherwise it leaves a messy situation with OP having to make a claim against his estate in order to settle matters. From googling, it looks far from straight forward (and I suspect would be even more so if the ex-H does remarry in the meantime).

OP, might be worth asking for your thread to be moved to Legal Matters, as I think that's what you're asking about, rather than the emotional ramifications of the situation.

Thank you -yes precisely the matter is that there is no settlement yet.
And thank you have asked for it to be moved to Legal Matters

OP posts:
MrsMontyD · 07/03/2023 09:00

I would suggest getting a financial order in front of a judge quickly. Presumably the one who finalised the divorce wasn't aware of the circumstances.

SD1978 · 07/03/2023 09:05

I'm sorry- I completely misread and thought the financial settlement was done, and the divorce being rushed- utterly my mistake. So you still have joint finances, but divorced? Surely then any assets from the marriage will be considered regardless if he tries to hide them with a new partner?

LemonTT · 07/03/2023 13:54

What is the hold up in regards to splitting assets. Have either of you confirmed your needs and assets?

There really isn’t any point getting outraged about the motives of someone dying, especially the father of your children. Split the assets and remove any potential dispute with a widow and a new will and a non existent financial order.

Deathbyfluffy · 07/03/2023 13:57

MamaBear2Cubs · 07/03/2023 06:13

What an absolute shit of a man. How dare he do this to you! Christ even his mother knows him well. Get it sorted now, he's not thinking of his children

And what a shit of a human you must be, saying something like that about someone who is terminally ill.

PegasusReturns · 07/03/2023 14:00

And what a shit of a human you must be, saying something like that about someone who is terminally ill.

weirdly terminally ill people can still be awful people Hmm

it does sound rather like he’s trying to ensure you don’t benefit in any way from his death and potentially his DC don’t either. That makes him a pretty shitty person in my view.

Wimpeyspread · 07/03/2023 14:01

Nimbostratus100 · 07/03/2023 07:01

what a horrible thing to say about someone who is seriously ill

Show quote history

Being seriously ill doesn’t stop someone from being shit

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/03/2023 14:02

MamaBear2Cubs · 07/03/2023 06:13

What an absolute shit of a man. How dare he do this to you! Christ even his mother knows him well. Get it sorted now, he's not thinking of his children

In fairness, my mother was divorcing her husband but instructed her solicitor to make sure the Absolute didn't go through when he was admitted to ICU and wasn't expected to survive (he didn't).

She was therefore able to act as his next of kin and make a claim as his widow, rather than risk anybody he had been with over the preceding ten years benefit from his death.

I'd imagine that had he known she'd do that, he'd have been keen to sort the legals out before keeling over.

Fifi0000 · 07/03/2023 14:06

I would try sort out the financials now just before the divorce so you don't have to claim from the estate. He's dying and clearly doesn't want you to get the lot which is his right.

Swipe left for the next trending thread