DESPARATE! Husband took our children, my car, my house … even my personality

[Mantissatopower4]

Husband controlling, coercive, clever, lawyered up ……

Story too long to recount but this is where I am, one year from the start.

l own the house worth £350 k+ in my name

he forced me out of the house when I was down (solicitors letters … for the good of the children, no upsets for them) then got non mol order and occupancy, ex partir (no consultation with me). He’s been violent to me. No violent allegations against me to him or the children. He’s controlling.

He moved into my home, wouldn’t let me have car keys (registered in my name)

had to live with Sister

counter occupancy claim from me, only gave me right to see the children, I was allowed no communication with him. Didn’t see children for 7 weeks, as he didn’t communicate.

at one hearing (we have had 4) it was agreed that I would move into the house for 2 nights every 2 weeks to look after the children. He goes elsewhere.

he works from home, 4 bed house, in large bedroom as office. He gets £25k pa.

I work cooking food and serving coffee, my bedroom is small (smaller than the minimum size for new-build houses.)

I have a case coming up, I am told that his housing needs are greater than mine, as I am living with my sister (she doesn’t really want me and wouldn’t throw me out). I can’t have him out as he has housing rights!

he’s agreed to work towards shared care with the children. I don’t earn enough to rent, and have no work history for past 10 years. All my money is locked up in the house.

Any ideas of what I can do. I have solicitors, but can only borrow so much for fees. I have been told the law is unjust.

Desparate. Any ideas???????

but I might have plan (need to speak with solicitor … if I can afford)

Are you in the UK?

Dejavu

“I am told that his housing needs are greater than mine.”

And who claimed this, a judge or him/his solicitor?

First thing, solicitors’ letters are as powerful as loo roll. You do know that these letters are not court orders. Court orders ARE the law. Solicitors represent the law. Their letters are how they make their money from the bullies dictating their wants and wishes. The ONLY directions you must follow are the judge’s written up as a court order. Everything else is noise.

Why are you starting another thread?

I lost my house to my abusive ex despite the two children living with me. His housung needs were greater than ours apparently

This is what my barrister said.

I took emergency legal advice about solicitors letters. They said “if it goes to court it’s better if you do nothing to upset the children”. A legal friend advised the same. Knew he wouldn’t be back if I stayed. Concerned about the children.

You need your sister to chuck you out and to sofa surf so you are homeless.

Though that will mean you have no where to see your children unless you have a relative who agrees you can host them at their place.

Newbie. Don’t understand how this works.

But I own my own home. I can’t go back unless the court lets me.

Yes

It's your house! Start fighting back OP or sell the house and buy a house for you and the kids, your ex is mugging you off.

Can’t sell the house he has home rights.

Fighting back via solicitors and courts, not getting far.

It's not 'her' house, it's 'their' house - it's the marital home. Just because she is female and paid for it doesn't make it hers when they are married. Same as if it was in his name...

In any case, a court has decided to make an occupation order permitting him to stay there (because he's the children's current main carer) and whilst it was made ex parte, there is ALWAYS a further hearing option to the respondent to challenge it, so either she didn't and that is why it is still in place, or she did and failed to prove her case. Now the only way to end it is by a further challenge in court (make an application stating now homeless as sister can no longer accommodate), or by getting on with the divorce and splitting the marital assets.

Representation is probably more important at this stage than a solicitor - find yourself a direct access barrister.

Ok the house is in my name.
Barristers decided on no fact finding at first hearing. I was told I could see the children.. took 7 weeks. Divorce soon due, but he still has occupation order, that makes no mention of divorce. Just that he stays there till financial orders are settled., but you normally don’t divorce till financial arrangements sorted. He has delayed any discussion of finance. 5 months ago form E requested and ignored. How much does it cost to force a financial settlement? It’s been suggested to me that he could stay there indefinitely.

so make myself homeless, till a court hearing, that will throw him out and let me into the home? That’s not the way things seem to be working. Third occupational order coming up soon. Should I declare myself homeless on that morning? And the judge might say, Ah I see you have declared yourself homeless ….. I am not understanding this game of legal poker. There seem to be no clear rules, maintaining any status quo seems to be rule 1.

there seems to be no interest in discussing what’s happened in the past.

The house is in your name? I'd move back in. It's bloody rough living together during this time. I know because I was in the same situation once. The very first thing my solicitor told me is you NEVER move out until it's sorted. If he got an occupation order then there must be other things going on.

I don't think making yourself homeless is the way to go. If the house was sold could the equity be enough to provide separate accommodation for you both?

House is likely a marital asset, doesn't matter whose name it is in. Do what your solicitor advises.