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Original poster

Ex challenging a non mol order

18 replies

xx200xx · 03/03/2023 09:43

Hello,
Has anyone been back to court for a second non mol order hearing.
My ex denied all the allegations made on him even when there was proof of physical bruises and texts of him admitting this.
I do have a fair bit of evidence on him. The non mol was put in place as I'm in a refuge but I'm slightly worried when we go back to court and he challenges it, it may get taken away. We have a 1 year old son together.
It was a very emotional abuse relationship including sexual abuse during my pregnancy and physical near the end of the relationship. However he's still denied all of this.
I'm yet to see him statement as he's still completing his but I can't help that worry it will get took away. He threatened that if I get into another relationship he will slit the persons throat and that when I get my own place HE NEEDS TO KNOW where I'm living. He has also shown mine court statement to people what caused me to get backlash. He's also trying to gather as many witnesses as he can. I'm just really worried. Any advice? Or has anyone been through this?

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 03/03/2023 09:44

Can I just add when he said about slitting someone's throat and needing to know l where I live was said in person and not on text.

OP posts:
BetterFuture1985 · 03/03/2023 11:42

He's doing this to intimidate and continue to try and control you. If you have all the evidence you suggest, there is no way a fact finding on the balance of probabilities will go his way and I doubt there is a solicitor out there who would recommend he burned through the legal fees to even try.

Crispymandm · 03/03/2023 12:03

Been there op, stay calm , I found all the judges saw right through my ex and like you I had some evidence. My evidence was not enough for the police but I was granted two non mols consecutively. These types of controlling men tend to show their true selves in court eventually, my ex had a bit of a tantrum. Have you got a screen to sit behind in court? I had false statements made about me also, it made no difference in the end.

Original poster
xx200xx · 03/03/2023 12:21

So the day he found out we was going to court he went and got a solicitor the same one his dad uses, so I assume his dad paid for the solicitor.

His dad is also a witness for him if this goes to trail, however on my second statement it shows an exhibit of a message between me and his dad saying " ---- needs to stop putting his hands on me" also his father never witnessed the abuse but heard from me how his son was getting physical.

So the court is actually via Microsoft teams at the moment so I keep my camera off. I'm just worried this might also go to trial now??

The police have been informed and have took a statement of me when I moved into the refuge. I also got a letter saying due to the physical abuse incident and texts of him admitting this that it was under investigation but I think this is on pause now. But I have a crime reference etc.
I'm just very worried because I know it's all about control and he's very manipulative. I just feel alone in this situations l. I do however have a solicitor who is working on my behalf!

OP posts:
TurnipSurprise · 03/03/2023 13:07

I don't think a non-molestation order goes to trial as a it's a civil hearing and not a criminal one.

I had two against my ex and they were heard by the judge who took one look at my evidence and granted it immediately so make sure you have everything you can in there.

In my case, we did end up in court as his behaviour was so bad that the police decided to prosecute him and he was then given a 5 year restraining order as well as the non-molestation order. This meant that the police could arrest and convict him for breaking it.

Bunnyishotandcross · 03/03/2023 13:09

He is trying to continue the abuse. Let it go all the way op.
You can do this.

Collaborate · 03/03/2023 13:50

TurnipSurprise · 03/03/2023 13:07

I don't think a non-molestation order goes to trial as a it's a civil hearing and not a criminal one.

I had two against my ex and they were heard by the judge who took one look at my evidence and granted it immediately so make sure you have everything you can in there.

In my case, we did end up in court as his behaviour was so bad that the police decided to prosecute him and he was then given a 5 year restraining order as well as the non-molestation order. This meant that the police could arrest and convict him for breaking it.

Civil cases still have trials you know(!)

TurnipSurprise · 03/03/2023 14:06

Oh wow I didn't realise that!

Sorry OP ignore me, no idea what I am on about.

Hope everything turns out well for you Flowers

Original poster
xx200xx · 03/03/2023 15:03

Don't be sorry!
The judge said depending on how this hearing goes it will go to trial with witnesses and stuff. The moment my solicitor said I have 2 witnesses was the moment he said he has 4.
I have no idea who these are even they witnesses I know about know absolutely nothing except from what he was putting me through. I just hope the judge can see straight through him.
Then we go to children court and he's trying to get 50/50 so im scared for this also.

OP posts:
Crispymandm · 03/03/2023 15:22

@xx200xx I remember how daunting it can be but @Bunnyishotandcross is right, you can do this!

I also went through child court, with ex asking for 50/50. I can’t see them giving him it , as far as I’m aware in the uk the children tend to reside with their mother and have visitation with father as long as he doesn’t pose a threat. Did he look after your one year old much?

Regarding the non mol I don’t see why they can refuse you as it’s just things he shouldn’t be doing anyway? Especially if he’s still under investigation. What are you asking for in yours? I think mine was not coming down my street or coming near me in public, communicating only about the children through email and not allowed to post about me on social media.

Remember to ring police anytime he breaks bail or non mol conditions even if it’s small, just to keep it logged with them.

im sure it will all be ok ☺️

Original poster
xx200xx · 03/03/2023 19:34

Crispymandm · 03/03/2023 15:22

@xx200xx I remember how daunting it can be but @Bunnyishotandcross is right, you can do this!

I also went through child court, with ex asking for 50/50. I can’t see them giving him it , as far as I’m aware in the uk the children tend to reside with their mother and have visitation with father as long as he doesn’t pose a threat. Did he look after your one year old much?

Regarding the non mol I don’t see why they can refuse you as it’s just things he shouldn’t be doing anyway? Especially if he’s still under investigation. What are you asking for in yours? I think mine was not coming down my street or coming near me in public, communicating only about the children through email and not allowed to post about me on social media.

Remember to ring police anytime he breaks bail or non mol conditions even if it’s small, just to keep it logged with them.

im sure it will all be ok ☺️

He's not looked after him once since we have been gone due to the fact he threatened to not return him and because I'm in a refuge I have been adviced to wait until court is all done and there is a order!

However he wasn't there for the birth, he pushed the buggy for the first time when he was 11 months, he's only ever came to 1 doctor's appointment, I have been the only one to take our son to places such as baby group since he was 6 week old. He's done absolutely nothing to contribute really. But he's going ti make out he's been a wonderful dad !

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 08/03/2023 21:17

statement today.

His dad denied everything and said I was the controlling one and how he was very supportive of me when I wanted to go out. He also denied smoking weed because he gets drug tested and it's negative, but then stated he does it on a weekend. He twisted it on me and said I smoke weed everydya and even in the house with my son. His grandfather also said the same.

My sons dad said I was controlling and I was the one who didn't let him go out, and I would scream at him for talking to any girls. He has no evidence for this his points at all. Expect from 1 part where I'm saying I'm struggling with my son and trying to get him to work on stuff.

His grandfather has completely gone on to different subjects by bringing my mental health into stuff, and lying saying I was always in and out of my sons dads bedroom. They have lied about so much stuff with hardly any evidence.

I'm still very scared about what the judges going to think. By the looks of it his grandfather is trying to get my son took of me!
Really upset to be honest

OP posts:
TurnipSurprise · 09/03/2023 07:32

Sending you a hand hold.

When do you get to say your side? Remember that you have lots of evidence for your claims and the judge will see people who lie day in and day out so won't just automatically believe everything the granddad says.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 09/03/2023 07:43

The Judge will have seen this many times before, this is a very typical approach to try and muddy the waters. You have actual evidence of your physical abuse, you have police report, you are in a refuge, all of this will absolutely go in your favour. In terms of his application for child arrangement order, the Carcass officer will absolutely take into account both the concerns regarding the abuse you've experienced and his lack of parental input/limited relationship with child. I wouldn't be surprised if they recommend supervised contact (either v contact centre or family member) I would be very, very surprised if they went for 50:50. (I'm a SW btw)

Original poster
xx200xx · 09/03/2023 09:35

They have genuinely lied through there teeth its actually terrible

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 10/03/2023 19:58

I just thought I would let you know he changed his surname to avoid paying child maintenance. However the child maintained office has now found him and are going to contact him.
Surely this won't look good on his part?

OP posts:
thisisscary · 12/03/2023 15:22

OP you need to remember that just because he says it, does not mean he will be believed. You have evidence. He does not. You don't need to prove he's lying, you just need to prove you are telling the truth. When he lies, a simple "that's not true" from you is ok. He has nothing to back it up with, it's baseless. Judges are trained to see through this kind of bullshit.
I know from experience how hard this is but do your best to stay calm and stand firm. You can do this.

Original poster
xx200xx · 12/03/2023 19:07

He's admitted to the bruises, but he said I ran into his hand or the second occasion I was stomping my feet up the stairs while he had my son in his arms and I nearly kicked my son bearing in my im only little and my sons father is very tall.

I do think they will do a 3rd hearing on this case?? He's lied so much its genuinely crazy!

OP posts:
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