Wishes and feelings of 4 year old

[Bebefinn]

Following on from my other the, the Cafcass guardian now wishes to visit DD at pre school in order to obtain her wishes and feelings. I feel very uncomfortable about this as nursery is my daughters safe place and she has already been subjected to a number of visits from social workers at nursery before. Can anyone tell me how much weight wishes and feelings a 4 year old count for when there's been significant domestic violence proven in court.

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I don’t know but I’m very sorry this is happening.

We (family member) are going through something very similar. Sending solidarity x

It will all be done very sensitively.....the person will sit down with your daughter....the session will likely involve a craft and/or drawing activity .....no direct questions as such will be asked....its surprising how much information you can get from a 4 year old doing this ( mwNwhile the 4 year old just thinks they've had a nice time doing an activity )

It’s precisely because nursery is her safe place that they will meet with her there. She is without you (important when gathering children’s views), feels secure and has known adults and routines to be support.
I’m a safeguarding lead in a school. This isn’t unusual and should be well managed.
it’s hard to say how much ‘weight’ her views will carry, but it’s important to know how she thinks and feels so the right decisions can be made, going forward.
I wish you all peace x

Exactly this. It’s important for the Guardian to meet with your daughter and get to know her enough to be able to write a court report with her at the centre of it.

At four, her wishes and feelings won’t be determinative especially if there are other welfare concerns which might outweigh them, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be a part of the guardians work.

I just find the Guardian very manipulative :( i feel as if she will put words into my daughters mouth.

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Now you are being ridiculous 🙄

That isn’t ridiculous, it happened to my DS when he was 10. The system can be messed up sometimes, and there is a very well established pro contact agenda (see the 2020 harm report). the OP is having a shit time and to call her worries ridiculous is unkind and ignorant.

OP my advice to you is to try to get yourself in your healthy adult frame of mind and stay there whenever you are talking to anyone from the system, try not to get upset, be as level and open as you can. This will evoke the best response. I know it’s awful what you’re going through.

I do think it’s also part of their job to be somewhat manipulative to get information out of people, it doesn’t mean they’re not going to be on your/your kids side in the end.

Hang in there, do whatever you can to support yourself

I meant to say, even know she distorted what DS said the Cafcass final report was critical of my ex. And it’s true that they are not going to put a lot of weight on to the feelings of a four-year-old so in terms of her being misrepresented, it’s probably not that big a deal even if she is. There’s nothing you can do about this so probably best to just let it go and do what you can to show the guardian you’re level and calm as they will be watching for that

They won't put much weight on it at all. Our guardian didn't even visit the children at school but talked about her findings in court to say the children are looking forward to contact. As long as your daughter doesn't say she was hurt herself, contact will very much be promoted.

There has been a lot of criticism of Guardians visiting children in school/nursery, CAFCASS have acknowledged in some meetings with our LA that they shouldnt be doing that, its not appropriate but it seems to have little bearing on their practice.

Wishes and feelings of all children should be sought and presented the court as part of the Welfare Checklist and so the professionals working with the child have a duty to present this as part of the courts information. However it doesnt mean that anyone is expecting the child to give a fully informed view of their situation. There are times for example the wishes and feelings might be 'I like my friend Dolly but dont like the lunches at school' or 'my favourite toy is my truck, I love playing with my truck'.

Of course there will be times when children will speak directly about abuse or scary things at home and that is helpful and informative.

Thank you that is helpful. My daughter does say things such as "daddy wasn't kind to you was he mummy" but she says it to me.. She was subject to a horrific act of abuse as an infant by him which the court made significant findings against him for. The guardian observed contact at the contact centre and i know she would've seen our daughter having a nice time with him, my daughter has a fun time at the contact centre..
The psychologist is very much of the view contact should either stop and revert to indirect or stay supervised in definitely but frequency drop down

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Everything crossed for you

Thank you. I just hope she will see that despite DD enjoying supervised contact. He is still a risk.

So my daughter is due to meet with the Guardian in mid-April.
I understand the importance of obtaining the wishes and feelings.. our daughter does remember abuse in the family home and she is aware of the reason she sees her father in a contact centre rather than his home.. (I explained this to her in a child friendly way such as we had to leave as it wasn't safe and the contact centre is the safe place that a Judge has decided on and enables you to see your daddy etc)

@Bebefinn how did it go with the guardian?