Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Custody Battle/Hair Strand Test

17 replies

Enola2023 · 22/02/2023 22:53

Here goes, my x husband is trying to get custody of my 11 year old daughter. I can't bear the thought as he lives 4 hours away. He claims in court I'm drinking too much and has got social care to request hair strand test that he will pay for under a section 7. I feel so scared and alone. Has anyone any experience of this type of case please. I have had previous social care involvement due to him reporting me where he tried to get custody but they deemed following assessment that my daughter remain with me.

OP posts:
blackbeardsballsack · 22/02/2023 22:54

Well, will the hair strand test show excessive alcohol use? If not, there won't be a problem.

CakeIsNotAvailable · 22/02/2023 23:36

Framing it as a "custody battle" is not helpful - it sets an adversarial tone. Try to see things from his point of view. Presumably he has reason to believe that you are drinking to excess and that this may put your child at risk, so he is trying to safeguard her.

If your ex is knowingly making false/exaggerated allegations, that's different, but if he has genuinely-held, sincere concerns, then I'd try not to frame this as a battle.

notapizzaeater · 22/02/2023 23:45

She's not 'my' daughter - she's 'our' daughter. Who moved away ?

Will the hair test prove him wrong ?

PaigeMatthews · 22/02/2023 23:47

Did he move 4 hours away from his dd and now trying to get residency? Or did you move 4 hours away with the child? How much and how often are you drinking?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/02/2023 23:47

He claims in court I'm drinking too much and has got social care to request hair strand test that he will pay for under a section 7.

Deny the request, however, does he have a case? Are you drinking too much?

MichelleScarn · 25/02/2023 06:59

What does your daughter want? Are you drinking too much? If the hair test won't show anything negative, why worry?

mumyes · 25/02/2023 07:05
Flowers OP, I just wanted to say hang on in there. I really feel for you. Hopefully you'll get some good advice.
strawberry2017 · 25/02/2023 07:25

I thought hair tests were for drug use?

Quveas · 25/02/2023 07:48

strawberry2017 · 25/02/2023 07:25

I thought hair tests were for drug use?

Chronic excessive alcohol intake can be detected by hair strand tests.

OP, I'm sorry that you and your ex can't resolve issues without this stress on you. But you seem to be focussed on the wrong thing, which suggests that you know what the strand test may show. If it is true that you are regularly drinking to excess then this will show in a test, and such chronic drinking is neither good for you or for your daughter. The real issue here is whether it is true or not, and if it is, how is that impacting on your daughter. It seems a very odd request for him to make to a court unless he has real grounds for concern.

strawberry2017 · 25/02/2023 08:31

@Quveas I never knew that! Thank you

Original poster
Enola2023 · 04/04/2023 04:35

So thank you for your replies and taking your time to send them. Apologies for the "my" daughter instead if "ours", I'm just so used to saying it in conversation... Generally when speaking with people I would say I have to pick up "my daughter from school" or "my daughters at dance class"... And again apologies for using the term "battle" again slip of the tongue when I was reaching out, tired, wired verging on psychosis from lack of sleep or food due to the fear/worry that our daughters whole life is going to be ripped apart to be moved 4 hours away, where she knows no one other than the partner her father is with and her 3 children. It does feel like a fight tbh... In answer to your questions yes he left the marital home when our daughter at age 8 found him asleep on the setee having left his phone screen on with sexual content with another women on, where he subsequently moved 4 hours away to be with a different woman 2 years ago. In terms of the test its a 6 month overview where that yes I've drank alcohol in excess if the 14 units a week so I'm worried, but put into context and the fact that when I do drink my daughters staying at my mums (I have to work 2 jobs where I work late). He is aware of this as despite everything I've tried for our daughters sake to try and maintain their relationship and ours as parents, where I would let him stay at my house due to the distance. He has now made up extreme lies about me and presented them to court to get custody, stating he is concerned about my drinking. He had a drug problem in our marriage and now believes everyone should be completly abstinent from any substance. Our daughter wants to stay at what she considers her home, around her family, dance classes and freinds etc, she has only visited his, well his partners home 5 times. She is exceeding at school, never late, fine attendance with no concerns from them raised to the social worker completing the section 7. I was just asking for any advice/support as I'm already over £3000 on my credit card in solicitors fees (he doesn't have one as being the instructing party) and at times like this 04.30am when I can't sleep after 8 months of it all I'm struggling.... So any helpful advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Username24680 · 04/04/2023 04:49

@Enola2023 excess of the 14 units by how much? You say it’s when your daughter stays at your mums and that you work 2 jobs that finish late - how many nights a week is your daughter staying at your mums? Are you drinking when you get home from work each night or having a binge when it’s your day off etc?

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 04/04/2023 04:58

The key question is do you ever put your DD at risk when you drink? That's the only thing a court will be interested in. Sounds to me he's trying to frighten abd control you. Is there any way you can get free legal advice re having to have a hair test? I can't see how he can force you if he has no evidence that your DD is at risk.
I'm sorry you're losing much needed sleep over this.

Nat6999 · 04/04/2023 05:31

It needs a blood test for alcohol, hair is for drugs. My late dp had to have one for court. The blood test shows up your drinking for the past 3 months.

LemonTT · 04/04/2023 10:48

I would suggest you do get help from your GP and social services. I don’t know about your alcohol consumption. But you say you are wired to the point of psychosis. That this is due to lack of sleep and worry. You have a mental health problem. Which might be driven by the stress of his access case or alcohol consumption or both.

In the UK courts expect both parents to be responsible. One will be designated as the resident parent and the various models of co parenting are put in place. You are v unlikely to have parental responsibility removed and you will always be given appropriate access. Residency is very unlikely to change if a child is settled unless there are safeguarding issues.

If there are safeguarding issues due to alcohol then the best thing you can do is face up to them and change. Get health and social services support now.

cato40 · 06/04/2023 22:28

Sorry to hear he is being such an asshole, really feel.for you. Maybe worth asking for him to take a similar test to see of he is teetotal? That may stop him hounding you?

gonnabeok · 07/04/2023 12:42

Cafcass will speak to your daughter and see what her thoughts her. If she prefers to live with you and there is no safeguarding risk they will. It ignore an 11 year Old's wishes as they deem that old enough for a child to have a say in their future. I've just been through a family court course with a complete narcissist and my dad's wishes were listened to. She is 11.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page