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Please please please help

6 replies

mzpsmummy · 08/02/2023 13:08

First hearing ex claimed he did not receive my C7 and was unaware of any abuse. I was instructed to make a witness statement as well as a scotts schedule. I’ve sent both over. DRA is in March. I have also proposed in my position statement for the DRA if he is to admit to the abuse, do a DV course I am happy for contact to start at a contact centre and we build it up gradually, I’m willing to pay 50% of the costs for the contact centre.

I stopped contact in September as police had safeguarding concerns. I originally went to report threats of revenge porn from which they picked up on coercive control and rape. Both NFA. A non molestation order granted in Jan too.From early December i was sending videos and pictures to ex’s mum (my child’s grandmother) and this was continually as Cafcass said to simply continue this at FHDRA which I was happy to do. His mother has suddenly blocked me? I don’t message her at all, just send the videos and pictures every 3-4 days. I sent a message to c’s grandfather saying I think I may be blocked, if this is also blocked I will respect that you don’t wish to see these updates and will not send them.

I have some concerns here though. A few weeks back I sent a message to c’s grandmother on c’s birthday “you are free to communicate with me regarding c’s wellbeing / anything you’d like to know I’m a text away” no response or to any pics etc too.

I’m worried now in court, he will say my mother had to block you as it was too much to see videos and pictures of the grandchild she doesn’t see. I’m also worried he’s made her block me so I have no choice but to communicate with him and the 3rd party of choice was her. What if he says I’m harassing them with pictures and videos now that I’ve sent via grandad?
I’m worried about looking stupid in court doing all when they’ve blanked me / stonewalled essentially.
Would someone be able to advise me on wether I should keep sending the pictures or just give up.

As a parent I’d be looking at those updates feeling happy my child is happy well fed & makes cards for me! An ex who despite all that abuse is willing to offer contact centre and build up and posts the cards out! I’d be using my mothers communication with my ex as a tool to ask the well-being of my child!

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 08/02/2023 22:05

Have you got a solicitor?

Grandparents have no rights. So in my view, it’s a bit immaterial. You have complied with the request. I don’t see you can do more. Just explain that. It’s their choice to receive pictures or not. What ex tells them to do cannot be laid at your door. They presumably won’t be involved at the court.

mzpsmummy · 09/02/2023 13:17

@TizerorFizz hi, no I'm a LIP.
Yes I'm aware they have no PR but already chose ex's mum as 3rd party for updates (voluntarily) as this was already being done by me Cafcass ordered to continue this until intern contact is arranged.
I have nowhere to turn to for legal advice so just trying my best here really.
I've stopped sending anything now as I believe they must have a reason for doing this. I suppose ex partner can explain in court why he no longer wanted to see these updates?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 09/02/2023 13:29

I don't have any legal advice but you sound very stressed and worn down by it all, so my only advice is to channel all your energy into your child's well-being and care, pull back on all communication with the ex's family. If your ex has been abusive, don't contact him either. Create separation between you, let things calm down and try to move on with your life in and around the Court stuff which will just be the process that it is.

mzpsmummy · 09/02/2023 13:48

@daisychain01 thank you I appreciate that a lot. I am stressed I can't lie, ex was abusive and I was hoping his mother would be willing to be 3rd party but I suppose not. He has said to communicate with him instead but I'm scared of doing so.
I am thankful I have a non molestation order in place that'll hopefully act as a boundary as going forward there's no option but to communicate with him by the looks of it.
I try my best to focus on my child & life's much better for us now. However like you said the court process is what it is, unfortunately no way around it.
Just gotta keep focused on what's best for LO.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 09/02/2023 15:59

Don’t communicate with him! Just concentrate on your child.

wildseas · 09/02/2023 16:10

I agree with pp - don’t communicate with ex because he is abusive. If you communicate with him it’ll be harder to explain to a court that you don’t want communication.

You are happy to send updates to his mum. If she / he chooses for that to not happen then that’s not your problem. Just cease all communication now unless his mum unblocks you and asks you to restart.

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