Ex Trying to Change Contact Arrangements Out of Hours

[ljhals]

I have a PSO in place that prohibits my ex from taking the children out of my care due to neglect and query drug/alcohol use. I have stipulated to him, via my solicitor on the advice of a judge, that contact needs to be supervised by his sisters who need to confirm with me he is not under the influence before contact as advised by social services. I did suggest his parents could supervise to begin with but he states they were too old to collect the children and drop them off and his dad was ill (turns out he is being tested for Leukemia), so I suggested his sisters. Contact took place last weekend without any issues and his sister asked if it was okay for the other sister to supervise which I said yes, provides she is also able to conform with me he is not under the influence, yes, all okay. Now, bare in mind my ex has said to my solicitor middle of last week he is blocking her.

I have received a text from his sister about an hour ago asking if his dad can do contact. My partner messaged him earlier this week saying his dad seems to be unsuitable as he seems to be quite poorly. So why he has got her to ask that I don't know. I haven't replied as yet, and since then she has now asked if my ex's ex girlfriend can supervise. I have never met her. Apparently she is reputable as she is a deputy head and is know to the children. He has said he told my solicitor about this, but I have heard nothing this week. It's too late now to discuss with my solicitor or social services before Sunday, so I'm assuming I'm well within my rights to say no? I'm honestly feeling like there's no way I would let contact happen with someone I don't know no matter how reputable she is, and why is this being sprung at tea time on a Friday. Am I being a knob???

Why don’t you go to court and get the contact sorted out. Where and when. I would not engage with other relatives. You and Dc need certainty and safety. So talk to SS/a solicitor. Don’t agree to anything.

Just waiting for SS to send their report into the judge for recommendations. Judge said kids were to stay with me for the time being under PSO but to try and sort some supervised contact through solicitors. I have tried, spend a lot of money trying to sort and he's just cone up with issue after issue. I do know of his ex through the kids, or from what they have told me, and they liked her. I'm just not comfortable having someone I don't know doing the contact, esp as I cant discuss with SS or solicitor before tomorrow, I have also said there's no negotiation, it needs to be his sisters, but he keeps coming back with more. My solicitor did warn me not to give too much with people like him. He is controlling and coercive. He can't get to me directly now and has blocked my partner, so he is now sending his mother derogatory messages.

I said no in the end anyway.

I think you did the right thing - you’d chosen someone you trust to monitor the situation, the constant attempts to change it to some random you don’t even know totally undermines the process you’d put in place

Yes I think you're right. I have now got his sister messaging me this morning saying their father is now well (after my ex had emailed my solicitor saying how cruel I was expecting him to make the trip here and back when he is being tested for Leukemia, which I did not know about. I said I was not available to do pick ups and drop offs). Argh, I don't know what to do! I did suggest his parents first but I said I couldn't do round trip, he said they were too old to do it, so I suggested his sisters. Now they aren't available this weekend, and magically his dad his much better and able to drive!

Stick to the arrangement. Whatever illness people have in his family, it’s not to affect visiting arrangements. You really do only have one course of action - the judge will have to decide and your solicitor and barrister will do their best to ensure Dc have stability. You can obviously say you have been reasonable and attempted to do what was asked.

I said yes to his dad in the end as I've been assured he is well enough to supervise, and I did suggest his dad to begin with. But I've asked to be kept updated re: his health as my ex painted quite a picture of his health to my solicitor and said I was cruel to expect his dad to do the driving (I never did)! Think because he has no one to undertake the supervision as his sisters are not available, and I have kept my stance I am not doing the running around (as advised by solicitor), his dad is now magically better!

Your child needs a stable relationship with his dad. To be supervised by another responsible adult as I understand it. As family members cannot be relied upon, I think this is disruptive for Dc. You need agreement on where, when and who. I would try and get this to the family court if mediation has been tried. It’s not fair on Dc.