Can my ex-husband pass on my personal information (Scotland)

[Babylonlb]

Hi there, apologies for the long post.

I am divorced and have a contentious relationship with my ex-husband.

We share custody of our 11 yo daughter. I've had issues with alcohol (wine) for several years now and have tried many times to stop drinking. I also suffer from various chronic health conditions which significantly impact on my everyday life. Apprx 4 months ago I was contacted by SW because my daughter had disclosed, at school, concerns she has regarding my drinking and my health. This matter was sorted with no further action but I was terrified my ex-husband would find out and use it against me. I found out later that day that my daughter had disclosed all of her concerns to her father over a period of time. He chose not to share this with me at any point as he said my daughter asked him not to tell anyone. He told her to talk to her teacher about it, which she did, and it resulted in school alerting SW the same day and my daughter being visited by SW at school (school did not tell her when she disclosed the info that they'd be contacting SW or that someone would have to speak to her and she was subsequently very distressed by what happened). The SW I spoke with said she would be contacting my ex-husband but would not be divulging any specific details about my issues and what we discussed and told me that I did not have to disclose any of my personal issues to him as we are divorced.

2 weeks ago, I relapsed and drank some wine whilst my daughter was here and I had an accident. This incident was truly my rock bottom and I take full responsibility for my monumental screw up. My ex-husband is fully aware of what happened. Since then I have contacted my local authority alcohol support team (something I have never done before) for help and support for me and my family and I am reconnecting with other alcohol support groups I accessed previously. I have told my ex-husband I will keep him updated on my access to the alcohol support team, assuming there will have to be child protection discussions. I made an urgent self referral last Monday and informed him.

I've not heard back from them as yet but he keeps texting me asking what's happening. He was very keen to contact daughter's school to tell them and try and access any support for her that they can provide. Whilst I have no issue (and would fully support daughter accessing any support she may need) I asked him not to do this until I heard from SW/Health service re: my referral so anything that needs to be done can do so in a joined up way. He's reluctantly accepted this.

Yesterday he messages me to say we need to talk face to face today as he 'needs to be satisfied that it is progressing and what you are doing about it'. I have no more information to give him at this time.

My question is...FINALLY...if he's not 'satisfied' and insists on say, contacting school or anyone else...is he allowed to discuss MY personal issues with anyone without my permission? I have no problem discussing anything with anyone, however, I do not want him to pass on any details about me.

I hope this makes sense?!?!?

Yes he can because he has concerns about the safety of his daughter.if your neighbour had concerns about your parenting they could contact your daughters school to make a safeguarding report so your ex husband can too. They won't be able to disclose back any specifics that relate to their dealings just with you but would be able to discuss any action they are taking 9n behalf of your daughter and to support her.

If he has concerns about his daughter when in your care then he absolutely can discuss your person business.

I hope the support you have reached out for is a huge help to you and you are able to quit. Good luck

Sorry I can't answer your specific question but I can recommend strong doses of Vitamin B to help you with the withdrawal.

Information sharing when it relates to child protection issues can be done by anyone. Even your GP must divulge relevant information (to the relevant authorities) if it relates to a child protection issue.

You can't generally stop someone discussing you with others, you can only look at possible legal remediations after the fact and in this case I suspect you would struggle as the safety of the child trumps your right to privacy. Frankly, I think you are focusing on the wrong thing here. Your ex has every reason to be concerned. He's looking out for his (and your) daughter who is clearly very worried herself. You've also, by your own admission, had some sort of accident as a result of drink whilst she was in your care so her worries are not theoretical. It's good that you are reaching out for help and support with your alcoholism but you have a very long way to go. I think you should focus your energies on getting well rather than worrying about your privacy as far as your daughter's father is concerned.

Yes if he has safeguarding concerns he should tell the school and they will want to know. The won't send him on his way quoting gdpr. I'm sorry but they'll add this to cpoms as part of a bigger picture. They will only be concerned about your DD

Just to add, you mentioned it was your personal business but it's not - you have a dependant you are responsible for. The school has a legal responsibility (keeping children safe in education) to keep your DD safe. Can she stay with your ex while you get some support?

Be glad that someone is looking out for your daughter as unfortunately you are not able to at the moment. Your poor child is having to deal with your issues and thankfully her father is trying to help and support her. Could she go and live with him while you sort yourself out?

You seem to be more concerned about yourself than your daughter. Be more concerned about her.

Your request that he not tell the school and restrict your daughter's access to support is a problem. You currently don't have her best interest at heart - and while yes, addiction can make you very selfish as it becomes the priority, he needs to pursue this as he is trying to get her help. The fact you have reached out for an appointment (and I am sure you have made efforts to help yourself before) doesn't really mean she shouldn't get help at school or that anyone has to keep your relapse hidden. Yes he can share information as needed to keep your daughter safe - both physically and emotionally. Or really as he wishes. If he is telling the truth, he isn't under any legal obligation to keep that information private.

Personally I think your desire to wait should not come above your daughter's need for support. Your ex husband's responsibility in this is towards your daughter and only her. I also totally understand you're embarrassed and would rather no one knew - but I find it concerning this is more important to you than your daughter being supported.

Being an alcoholic isn't great - and neither is being the dependant of one. Alcoholism is a very selfish disease.

You're at the beginning of the journey - at the end of it hopefully you'll be grateful your ex looked out for your child, even if it feels shitty right now.