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Original poster

BIL screwed over inheritance

15 replies

Sleepingallday · 07/01/2023 09:47

Sorry it’s quite long!

My DH and his siblings each are entitled to
a fairly substantial inheritance. BIL was with his partner for about 4 years and then they decided to buy a house with his inheritance money. Both of their names are on the paperwork which was an unwelcome surprise to the rest of his family, as this was before they were married.

They got married about a year later, it was a fairly big expensive wedding in her home country. On returning to the UK, SIL started a Masters which has helped her get on the career path she is on now. After the wedding they were both unemployed and her and BIL’s lifestyle and the masters was funded by the inheritance money.

Soon after their marriage, the news came that they would be asking for the rest of BIL’s share of the inheritance to buy her family a house in her home country. There was some hesitance in DHs family but the money was given as it was intended for BIL. SIL and BIL also asked for an extra £50K to pay off SIL’s family’s debts which was refused, this resulted in SIL writing a nasty email to MIL (who holds the purse strings as it were). The house for her family was bought and again is in both BIL and SIL names.

SIL is now enjoying her career and spent the last year working overseas and saw BIL for just a few weeks throughout this time. She came back to the UK for a few days after new year and we saw them last night. They broke the news that they are getting a divorce, in fact they already signed papers 6 months ago.

The thing is that they have signed papers to say that they will not use any lawyers. DH and I have been digesting this and feel BIL has been very naive. We don’t know the exact reasons for the divorce, we know they’ve been having difficulties since they were married really, and we believe that the divorce is most if not all down to SIL as BIL has always been completely besotted and would do anything for SIL.

But they presented the news to us very casually, saying they still love each other and will still be involved in each other’s lives. It’s not my business at the end of the day but I think this is a terrible idea and that a clean break is a much more sensible option. DH and I worry that she has taken advantage of him, he is almost too sweet and would never dream of putting her family in an uncomfortable position ie asking them to buy him out of the house, as they wouldn’t be able to afford to do so.

they are now getting a mortgage on their house to pay for renovations for both their and SIL’s family’s house. It’s all very messy and seems to be mostly working in SIL’s favour.

I worry that one day if/when he meets someone else, only then will he realise that he has been screwed over as he won’t have the same opportunity to buy a house etc, meanwhile ex-SIL and her family will continue to profit from his generosity.

As an extra detail SIL has also alienated BIL from his father as she fell out with him and his wife just before the wedding, so she has done a fair amount of damage and is now leaving BIL high and dry with family relationships harmed and half of his inheritance gone.

What can we do to help him here? DH will ask him if there is any way there may be a loophole to get a lawyer involved but I think even if there was he may not want to pursue this.

Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:

TizerorFizz · 07/01/2023 21:21

Just get bIL to a family solicitor. Usually adults inherit without family strings attached. His decision to spend it. Upon divorce it’s all back in the pot. So see a divorce specialist who can advise on the money aspect.

RandomPerson42 · 07/01/2023 21:28

Well he will “lose” half of their wealth and the gold-digger will wander off into the distance. This exact thing happened to a close friend of mine, albeit on a seemingly smaller scale.

Chupney · 07/01/2023 22:19

It's difficult to feel sorry for BIL when he's done all of this willingly. You can only have your strings pulled if you want them to be pulled.

Advise him to get a solicitor and then step away and leave him to it. He's had his inheritance and done what he wanted with it.

SwedishEdith · 07/01/2023 22:30

My DH and his siblings each are entitled to a fairly substantial inheritance.

Are they entitled to an inheritance or have they received one? Just a bit confused as both parents are still alive.

Hoppinggreen · 07/01/2023 22:33

You’ve posted this on 2 threads. You seem very very bothered that a grown man who is presumably mentally competent may lose money in a divorce.
How is this anything to do with you? And why does it matter that it was from an inheritance?
If it won’t affect you or your H keep out of it

Herejustforthisone · 08/01/2023 07:39

You make it sound like you’re all in big dynasty or something, with everyone furiously discussing each other’s lives near to a large marble fireplace in formal wear.

TizerorFizz · 08/01/2023 09:37

I would also say that if it’s a short marriage and no children it might not be 50:50. That’s why he needs to see a solicitor who understands money!

welshrabbits · 08/01/2023 09:41

I'd just focus on your own husband's inheritance if this was me. Have you got it and if not I'd ask for it in case it gets given to his brother to rescue him.

I don't think what he did with his share was unfair to him. He seems to have had a good time with the money.

NoSquirrels · 08/01/2023 09:48

If his parents are still alive, it wasn’t ‘BIL’s inheritance’ but ‘a gift to BIL’ - and so his parents should have realised that if they divorced their son would lose that money, or 50% of it at least.

Tell your DH to take his brother to a solicitor to discuss divorce finances, so he’s crystal clear on what he’s choosing to give up. Otherwise stay out of it. It was all his choice, and you can’t protect people from making poor choices if they’re competent to do so.

TizerorFizz · 08/01/2023 12:51

@NoSquirrels
When people haven’t been married for long it’s frequently not 50/50. There’s the assumption it is but it’s not accurate.

LIZS · 08/01/2023 12:57

Are you really concerned for bil or resentful that family money/assets will go to sil family? It may be worth suggesting that the international dimension makes speaking to a solicitor prudent but 8n the end it is up to him. Are these payments inheritance or financial gifts?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/01/2023 13:10

Herejustforthisone · 08/01/2023 07:39

You make it sound like you’re all in big dynasty or something, with everyone furiously discussing each other’s lives near to a large marble fireplace in formal wear.

TizerorFizz · 08/01/2023 16:51

Usually when people are rich they write pre nups or put money into trust for the recipient. Seems lacking in planning to me.

SaintLoy · 08/01/2023 17:10

Which country is this where people can be 'entitled' to an inheritance?

Piffle11 · 08/01/2023 17:23

Where has this inheritance come from? A grandparent? FIL? Since you say MIL is holding the purse strings.

Perhaps BIL is being naive: but if he doesn't want to go to a solicitor, then that's his choice. The thing that stood out for me is:

After the wedding they were both unemployed and her and BIL’s lifestyle and the masters was funded by the inheritance

Maybe SIL was out for what she could get ... or perhaps she was studying in order to give them a better life, whilst BIL wasn't working and wasn't studying. Perhaps she wondered if this was her future life – her working hard, and him doing as little as possible.

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