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Original poster

Mortgage and 2nd home

45 replies

jasper333 · 04/01/2023 21:50

Don't know where to start.

Ex and I own a house jointly with mortgage.

He left the home early 2021 and within weeks put offer in on another house which was accepted.

I stayed in our home and started paying for mortgage solely after 1 month of him leaving.

Few months later he moved into his new, second home.

He has child half the time, so doesn't pay support to us and has never paid towards the mortgage on his jointly owned house since the month after he left.

The last few months I've struggled paying for the house with bills and childcare, so he started paying for the childcare rather than us split it 50/50.

He left his job and started up new business, and now he says he can't afford my half of the childcare.

I am stuck as I would need to sell this house to be able to accept social housing, I can't get out of this situation and I have a big financial burden that I never had any choice about (when he left us here).

What are the options?

OP posts:
GuinnessLover · 05/01/2023 09:53

ProseccoOnIce · 05/01/2023 09:38

I would definitely be arguing about deducting the last 2 years mortgage payments & increase in valuation from his settlement figure.

Do you claim child benefit?

Have you had a look at the entitled to website?

Unfortunately if you are not married this is very difficult to do. My ex tried to do this to me after he had paid the mortgage for 2 years without me, but they still awarded me 50% of the equity regardless as that was the contract we signed.

Original poster
jasper333 · 05/01/2023 09:54

GuinnessLover · 05/01/2023 09:32

I'd have thought that if you're paying high childcare rates on 25k a year you'll be eligible for Universal credit. I was eligible for around £300 a month when I was on 30k and my childcare was 900 a month. I now earn 35k a year and pay over 1k in childcare fees. I still get a bit of universal credit and some towards housing (understand this isn't possible when you have a mortgage)

Oh my goodness I've just done a UC assessment and I can claim childcare costs!!!

But you have to pay them first and then claim up to 85% back - that correct??

OP posts:
Original poster
jasper333 · 05/01/2023 09:55

ProseccoOnIce · 05/01/2023 09:38

I would definitely be arguing about deducting the last 2 years mortgage payments & increase in valuation from his settlement figure.

Do you claim child benefit?

Have you had a look at the entitled to website?

Yeah like Guinesslover said it's not worth the fight

I do get £87 CHB a month. X

OP posts:
GuinnessLover · 05/01/2023 10:02

jasper333 · 05/01/2023 09:54

Oh my goodness I've just done a UC assessment and I can claim childcare costs!!!

But you have to pay them first and then claim up to 85% back - that correct??

Show quote history

That is correct. You likely won't get the full costs but it will definitely help if you're eligible (which I am fairly sure you will be).

GuinnessLover · 05/01/2023 10:03

jasper333 · 05/01/2023 09:55

Yeah like Guinesslover said it's not worth the fight

I do get £87 CHB a month. X

Show quote history

I didn't say don't try though, you never know!

Original poster
jasper333 · 05/01/2023 10:10

Maximum Universal Credit before deductions
£ 172.96 per week
Standard Allowance £ 77.29 per week
This is the standard amount that everyone gets. There are different amounts depending on whether you are single
or living with a partner, and on you and your partner’s ages. You told us you are single and over 25.
Housing £ 0 per week
From the information you have given us, you don't have any housing costs which can be covered by Universal
Credit.
Children £ 56.44 per week
This is money to help with the extra costs of having children. You told us you have one child. We have calculated
that you will get support for one child.
Childcare £ 39.23 per week
Universal Credit will award a childcare element for 85% of your childcare costs, up to a maximum of £149.16 per week. An amount will be deducted from your Universal Credit for earnings, and your Childcare element is not protected from deductions.
Total deductions
£ -143.48 per week

OP posts:
Original poster
jasper333 · 05/01/2023 10:13

Says eliabke to £29 a week which is basically the childcare portion only as I earn enough for the other factors

OP posts:
Original poster
jasper333 · 05/01/2023 12:46

itsgettingweird · 05/01/2023 07:29

If your mortgage is only £570 with that income I'd be looking first at other things you can do.

For example look at UC. If your childcare milks are really higher you may be entitled to some money.

Look at turn to us website.

Also look at mediation and court order. If you have the children 50/50 then he should be paying for childcare the days he has the child.

The only thing - as previous posters mentioned - is that he half owns the house you live in so there is the consideration that you may owe him to stay there and you don't want to end up worse off. Hence why I'd start with UC.

Thank you, I used the Turn to Us site and it's great.

Can't use mediation due to him being coercive in the past/present.

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 05/01/2023 15:22

I would try anything possible to keep the house. Would your ex give up any equity he has in the house and you become solely responsible for the mortgage? It would be just less than 4.5 times your salary with a good loan to value ratio so the bank might be OK with that. Things will get easier when your childcare costs reduce.

Cileymyrus · 05/01/2023 15:45

Have you asked the bank if you can pay interest only until your childcare bills reduce?

that may give you some breathing space.

then try to negotiate with your ex that you buy him out at the same time. You really need to get it into your sole name asap.

i would ask the bank if you can remortgage so you can buy him out now, and extend the term or interest only until you get back on your feet.

banks prefer to keep thing affordable as repossession is a pita

ProseccoOnIce · 05/01/2023 15:56

And it's worth going back to your broker to see if they can find a lender who will consider CB & UC - lending changes all the time - things were very strict after Liz Truss's economic disaster but have changed again even in that short period.

jollyrogering · 06/01/2023 09:26

I agree with pp about keeping the house if possible. To be honest, I wouldn't even be in a hurry to buy him out. His half of the equity is what makes it possible for you to live in a decent sized house with a mortgage you can (just) afford. Buying him out would require raising a whole lot of money that you need for other things, or downsizing to somewhere tiny and insufficient.

If you simply let things carry on as they are, some years down the line the proportion of equity to debt in the house will have increased, as well as your DC being older and in school, and you'll be in a better position to do something about it. I would however speak to a solicitor about what you can do to ensure that the mortgage payments you're now making solely are taken into account in any future equity split.

The childcare sounds like a more temporary problem, so I would deal with that.

Original poster
jasper333 · 06/01/2023 11:21

jollyrogering · 06/01/2023 09:26

I agree with pp about keeping the house if possible. To be honest, I wouldn't even be in a hurry to buy him out. His half of the equity is what makes it possible for you to live in a decent sized house with a mortgage you can (just) afford. Buying him out would require raising a whole lot of money that you need for other things, or downsizing to somewhere tiny and insufficient.

If you simply let things carry on as they are, some years down the line the proportion of equity to debt in the house will have increased, as well as your DC being older and in school, and you'll be in a better position to do something about it. I would however speak to a solicitor about what you can do to ensure that the mortgage payments you're now making solely are taken into account in any future equity split.

The childcare sounds like a more temporary problem, so I would deal with that.

I want to stay here, it's perfect for us and I have managed to run this house solely since June 21 successfully without going into debt apart from some credit card usage.

I will speak to my solicitor and ask him to draw something up about the equity split upon selling or buying him out. This will be my focus and put myself first for once instead of thinking about him.

I will claim what I can for childcare costs and just scrape by until he goes to school.

Thank you all. Keep any advice coming!

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 06/01/2023 11:28

I’d start by talking to your ex and trying to reach mutual agreement before trying to get solicitors drawing up a financial proposal which isn’t in his favour that you want him to agree to. Generally the quid pro quo for him limiting his own ability to raise credit by staying on the mortgage so you can keep the house is that the equity is eventually shared equally regardless of you solely paying the mortgage. Ultimately he’s doing you a favour and could go through the courts to force a sale if he wanted to, so I wouldn’t poke the bear by going straight in with something which doesn’t recognise you’re reliant on him.

Original poster
jasper333 · 06/01/2023 11:53

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/01/2023 11:28

I’d start by talking to your ex and trying to reach mutual agreement before trying to get solicitors drawing up a financial proposal which isn’t in his favour that you want him to agree to. Generally the quid pro quo for him limiting his own ability to raise credit by staying on the mortgage so you can keep the house is that the equity is eventually shared equally regardless of you solely paying the mortgage. Ultimately he’s doing you a favour and could go through the courts to force a sale if he wanted to, so I wouldn’t poke the bear by going straight in with something which doesn’t recognise you’re reliant on him.

So we've tried all the talking we can, it doesn't get us anywhere just causes more friction due to the manner of the separation and the things that have happened following. (He had affair, I kicked him out, he bought another house quickly not giving me time to think about what was best for me and child, moved the woman and her child into his new house etc, could go on but you get it's all stuff that isn't relevant in the legal/financial side of things!)

We are talked out, well, I am as he is known to be coercive and I must limit the contact.

It always goes round in thought circles and I always come back to this same conclusion that I will just carry on as I have been. Working, paying for the house etc, and hoping that in time things improve.

I could meet someone and things could change via that.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 06/01/2023 13:40

If you don’t have a great relationship and he isn’t open to compromise then I really don’t think a solicitor’s letter arguing for you to get larger equity share because you’re paying the mortgage is going to go terribly in your favour. How much of the capital are you actually paying off each month? If you’re relatively early on in your mortgage term then much of the £560 you pay each month is going to be paying the interest aspect rather than the capital which builds equity in the property. I’d caution you against getting into an antagonistic legal battle with your ex, over what might amount to only a couple of thousand pounds of equity you’ve built since he left: that will be eaten up in legal fees in no time if he wants to fight your proposal for getting a larger share, so it really may just be worth accepting a 50/50 equity split when you sell / buy out.

BabyFour2023 · 06/01/2023 13:42

Sell the house, buy a smaller one with the equity share you get and your salary.

Original poster
jasper333 · 06/01/2023 14:01

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/01/2023 13:40

If you don’t have a great relationship and he isn’t open to compromise then I really don’t think a solicitor’s letter arguing for you to get larger equity share because you’re paying the mortgage is going to go terribly in your favour. How much of the capital are you actually paying off each month? If you’re relatively early on in your mortgage term then much of the £560 you pay each month is going to be paying the interest aspect rather than the capital which builds equity in the property. I’d caution you against getting into an antagonistic legal battle with your ex, over what might amount to only a couple of thousand pounds of equity you’ve built since he left: that will be eaten up in legal fees in no time if he wants to fight your proposal for getting a larger share, so it really may just be worth accepting a 50/50 equity split when you sell / buy out.

Yeah all makes sense.

Had the mortgage 9yrs now btw, but I can't view a statement right now to see the current interest each month. Luckily I'm in a fixed until April next year, hoping the rates get back to a sensible level by then!!!

I'm going to resume my usual state of not saying or doing much about it Smile

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 06/01/2023 14:09

Not worth selling and moving costs. stay put . Is not a huge mortgage payment per month . Wait to build more equity.

bloodyeverlastinghell · 06/01/2023 14:09

I’d have a look at UC. It sounds counterintuitive but you might be better off cutting your hours by a day to qualify for UC and then be able to claim back 85 per cent childcare costs for the rest of your working time.

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