Mortgage and 2nd home

[jasper333]

Don't know where to start.

Ex and I own a house jointly with mortgage.

He left the home early 2021 and within weeks put offer in on another house which was accepted.

I stayed in our home and started paying for mortgage solely after 1 month of him leaving.

Few months later he moved into his new, second home.

He has child half the time, so doesn't pay support to us and has never paid towards the mortgage on his jointly owned house since the month after he left.

The last few months I've struggled paying for the house with bills and childcare, so he started paying for the childcare rather than us split it 50/50.

He left his job and started up new business, and now he says he can't afford my half of the childcare.

I am stuck as I would need to sell this house to be able to accept social housing, I can't get out of this situation and I have a big financial burden that I never had any choice about (when he left us here).

What are the options?

You could stop paying the mortgage. He’s still on it, so it’ll be his bad credit as well as yours. Threaten you will drag him under too if he doesn’t cough up.

but why not sell the house and downsize? Surely best option in long run?

Sounds like you haven’t sorted out a proper financial settlement since you split. It would be sensible to get this sorted out properly so you can get into a house you can afford without relying on your Ex’s favour, which may mean selling.

What claim does he have on the house? Are you married and if so do either of you have other assets? Because if there are other assets, you may be able to reduce the mortgage to a more affordable level.

How do you mean financial settlement? We aren't married.

We bought the house together in 2014 50/50.

If I sold the house I would be homeless, private rent would cost more than the mortgage and I wouldn't be able to buy another house.

There is barely any social housing. Where would I go between the house being sold and finding an affordable home?

He has assets as he has 2 homes and 2 mortgages.

If you can’t afford to pay the mortgage then selling is your only option. There’s provision in the Children’s Act (TOLATA) where a court could make a decision that he must allow you to remain in the property, but it’s a) infrequently awarded unless the NRP is very wealthy and b) you’d still be expected to pay the mortgage whilst you lived there, which you’re unable to do. You aren’t married, so his home isn’t an asset on the table.

Speak to your lender, explain the situation, and ask for a mortgage holiday for the duration of the sale period. You’d then be able to remain in the property until it sells. Speak to your council’s Housing Options team for signposting to housing associations to see if you’re eligible for shared ownership so you can use your share of the equity to buy a share in a property and rent the part you don’t own. Yes, you may have to rent privately for a bit in the interim, but so do many parents. It won’t be the end of the world.

How does he get to opt out of paying for childcare? How is that solely your responsibility. Tell him to pay his fucking obligations.
Twat.

OP said he was paying 50% of the childcare, but now pays 50% of the mortgage for the house he doesn’t live in instead. Not paying the mortgage on the house he doesn’t live in is pretty standard after separation. It’s swings and roundabouts whether he contributes to one of the other.

Actually, having re-read, it looks like he’s actually currently paying for all of the childcare but is now asking the OP to pay 50% of it again.

Why do you think he should he pay for a property he's not living in?

He owns half the house maybe minus whatever you have solely paid for a year or so. how much equity is in it? You really need to get a proper arrangement in place rather than him come looking for his share 5/10 years down the line.

Also are you eligible for benefits - Universal credit will pay up to 85% of childcare costs if you are eligible.

By financial settlement I meant disentangling your financial affairs. So since you aren’t married and it seems from your post your only joint asset is the house, sorting it out so you are no longer living somewhere that he part owns. I.e. one of you buying the other out of the house or selling it, splitting the profit and finding your own housing. Even if you managed to stay in the house, at some point this is going to happen and you might end up being a bit shocked at how much he gets after you’ve been struggling to pay the whole mortgage for years.

Since you can’t afford other housing on your own where you are, I see why you’re a bit desperate about trying to stay in the house you’re in. But I don’t think there is any mechanism to oblige him to pay you more. Do you have any way to increase your income, or capacity to take in a lodger or something? Is there less expensive housing somewhere close enough that you can maintain the shared care you currently have?

It sounds like you’re in a very difficult position and I really feel for you. So many families are struggling with the cost of living crisis, with very little effective support from the government.

He’s paying 100% of the childcare, and has asked o/p to pay her half as his income has changed.

he may not be paying the mortgage, but equally he hasn’t asked o/p to buy him out, so she’s living rent free in his half of the equity.

seems generous to me.

o/p, why can’t you buy another property with the proceeds of the sale?

Helpful replies on here thank you so much.

I earn £25k and I could buy another house but a very cheap house, and they don't exist at the moment do they...

I can afford to take on the current mortgage but I can't afford the extra borrowing to buy him out.

So after reading it looks like my only solution is to call the bank and tell them im selling the property and now require what - a payment holiday or interest only etc? What will they most likely be able to offer me? Barclays.

Btw I haven't been living rent free in my house, I've been paying £570 a month mortgage each month which is the same amount it was when both of us was paying it. Don't know if that's how the last person meant.

How much is the mortgage for and how much equity do you have in the house?

I think there will be £60-£70k from the sale so £30-35k each unless my solicitor can successfully argue my share to be slightly more due to paying it on my own for what would likely be 2yrs by that stage I imagine.

Can't take a lodger as it's only 2 bed, I would do this for sure otherwise.

Owe £110k mortage.
House is worth £170-£180k as valued last year.

That poster meant you haven't been paying rent to the other owner of the house (your ex) which some might arrange because it's half his money (equity) that allows you to live there.

Not necessarily though. My ex paid the mortgage when I moved out for 2 years. I still got 50%. OP could end up paying the mortgage and him still getting 50%. He needs to get his name off.

If your mortgage is only £570 with that income I'd be looking first at other things you can do.

For example look at UC. If your childcare milks are really higher you may be entitled to some money.

Look at turn to us website.

Also look at mediation and court order. If you have the children 50/50 then he should be paying for childcare the days he has the child.

The only thing - as previous posters mentioned - is that he half owns the house you live in so there is the consideration that you may owe him to stay there and you don't want to end up worse off. Hence why I'd start with UC.

Couple of things, I'm not eligible for UC now my earnings have reached a certain amount.

He is only stopping paying childcare come summer holidays and that's because he doesn't require childcare as his partner will be able to care for our child when it's his days to have them.

So I've got to figure out a way to afford my childcare from Feb until they goes to school in Sept.

Have you seen a mortgage advisor, OP?

You might be able to extend the term; sometimes they have ways of making it work.

I was in a similar situation & my ex ageeed that I could have majority care of the DC - he paid maintenance which my lender considered for lending purposes.

Good luck - it's a hellish situation to be in.

I have and the affordability just wasn't there but I earn too much for UC and my ex wants 50/50 care.

Currently we have our child on a 2wk rota so that means I can't book him into nursery/preschool on set days each week. So once the ex doesn't need nursery I'm going to be stuck so I think we need to change it to set days each week for us to have him.

That then also brings up the possibility of my child attending preschool on my days which is much cheaper than nursery.

I think set days will be the way to go too - and once your child starts school it will get easier.

Is he prepared to delay the financial settlement until then?

Assume you are working full-time?

I'd have thought that if you're paying high childcare rates on 25k a year you'll be eligible for Universal credit. I was eligible for around £300 a month when I was on 30k and my childcare was 900 a month. I now earn 35k a year and pay over 1k in childcare fees. I still get a bit of universal credit and some towards housing (understand this isn't possible when you have a mortgage)

I would definitely be arguing about deducting the last 2 years mortgage payments & increase in valuation from his settlement figure.

Do you claim child benefit?

Have you had a look at the entitled to website?