Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Theft

7 replies

Reene1 · 31/12/2022 12:43

Hi, I wanted some advice as I am at my wits end and not sleeping at night. So I met my now partner in 2011 and we married in 2017. I had just come out of a difficult relationship with my children's father of 20 plus years. I had bought the 3 bedroom house we were living in. I moved my partner in the my home. In the beginning as always he was really nice and couldn't do enough for us. A year later we/I decided to move house as I wanted a new start and didn't want to think about all the stuff that had happened in my previous relationship in the house. We moved, I put up the deposit, in fact he didn't pay for anything including the removal costs. I had some money left from the sale of the house and planned to use some for improvements to the new house. We signed a Declaration of Trust, which my partner was not happy about. He even said at one point I had agreed to give him half of the house. We never ever had that conversation. My partner didn't want to buy any of the materials out of his own pocket and kept telling me ' labour is more expensive than materials'. To-date I have paid for everything in the house from furniture,to broken fence and the list goes on. We got married in 2017 in the Caribbean, again I paid for all the flights, car hire, catering, and half of the venue costs. He was complaining about paying for the balance but I refused. When we returned he changed. Things just got progressively worse from him spending more time with his friends in the barbershop, which lead to him being attacked one night. He now suffers from seizures triggered by tiredness. Oh n by the way I have been there all along with him taking care of him. He was also spending more time with his sisters. I began to struggle with his behaviour. His mother died in 2019, he wanted me to loan him some money to help with funeral costs, I had agreed but was scared as he had taken money from me previously and didn't pay back. I didn't lend him in the end as he got ignorant with me because he didn't want me to enquire about it so he didn't bother. He traveled back to the Caribbean 3 times during his mother's illness, he said to sort out her finances in preparation for her passing. During this time I found that he was in a relationship with another woman abroad. The latest incident was August this year I went down his phone and discovered he was flirting with another woman. In addition I found videos of my daughter, his step daughter. You can imagine my shock and horror. I began to shake I was definitely in shock. There were 11 videos over a 6 week period. This was during the hot muggy spell we had, at times she was just in underwear in her private space. He would sneak at night in the dark put his phone round the door and video her. I got the police involved and he is no longer here. The incident is still being investigated. He is now fighting me for the property he didn't buy. I can't fathom why the law in this country is so unjust. He only came into our lives for financial gains. We are going through divorce now. 😰😰

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/12/2022 18:02

As you're married, it seems likely he will be entitled to some of the equity of the house. Your poor daughter, what a horrible, disgusting man.

purpledalmation · 01/01/2023 12:50

Even with a 5 year marriage he will have some rights re equity on the house. His illness may also have an impact as it's also about need and his ability to work and support himself. If he's on the deeds it strengthens his case.

IDontCareMatthew · 01/01/2023 12:54

Where is the 'theft' you mention in your title?

Quveas · 01/01/2023 13:08

I can't fathom why the law in this country is so unjust.

I am sorry for what has happened to you. But you cannot blame the law. By your own version of these events it is absolutely clear that you knew what he was from a very early point in the relationship, and you enabled him. He put nothing into the house, and you (wisely) protected your interest in the property with a legal agreement. Very wisely - but you already clearly didn't believe he would act in your best interests and were protecting yourself. He put nothing into the improvements. He put nothing into your wedding - which ought to have been a huge red flag even if the previous things weren't. It does sound like you say - he saw your as a mug and planned to gain financially from that. But that has nothing at all to do with the law of the country and everything to do with the way you allowed him to control your relationship. The fact is that it is more often the women who put little, financially, into a marriage, due to the social structure keeping owmn in lower paid employment and as stay at home mums. There is nothing unjust in them expecting, and being entitled to, a share of the assets of the marriage. The same applies in reverse. You married him despite having a fairly good idea what he was already like.

prh47bridge · 01/01/2023 15:44

purpledalmation · 01/01/2023 12:50

Even with a 5 year marriage he will have some rights re equity on the house. His illness may also have an impact as it's also about need and his ability to work and support himself. If he's on the deeds it strengthens his case.

It sounds like OP lived with him before they were married. If that is the case, the courts are likely to include the period of cohabitation when looking at the length of the marriage.

To correct one point, as they are married it makes no difference whether he is on the deeds. It is the marital home so he has a claim.

prh47bridge · 01/01/2023 15:45

Quveas · 01/01/2023 13:08

I can't fathom why the law in this country is so unjust.

I am sorry for what has happened to you. But you cannot blame the law. By your own version of these events it is absolutely clear that you knew what he was from a very early point in the relationship, and you enabled him. He put nothing into the house, and you (wisely) protected your interest in the property with a legal agreement. Very wisely - but you already clearly didn't believe he would act in your best interests and were protecting yourself. He put nothing into the improvements. He put nothing into your wedding - which ought to have been a huge red flag even if the previous things weren't. It does sound like you say - he saw your as a mug and planned to gain financially from that. But that has nothing at all to do with the law of the country and everything to do with the way you allowed him to control your relationship. The fact is that it is more often the women who put little, financially, into a marriage, due to the social structure keeping owmn in lower paid employment and as stay at home mums. There is nothing unjust in them expecting, and being entitled to, a share of the assets of the marriage. The same applies in reverse. You married him despite having a fairly good idea what he was already like.

Agree. And, as another poster comments, I can't see where there is any theft here.

Original poster
Reene1 · 02/01/2023 07:59

Thank you all for your comments!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread