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Original poster

Safeguarding issue

18 replies

sisuyo · 19/12/2022 14:51

My ex has shared care but I am seriously concerned over things my 11 year old son has told me. Safeguarding issues where he could come to harm and neglect due to alcohol abuse.

I am inclined to stop the contact until ex can show he has sorted the issues out.

Legally what should I do? There is no formal care arrangements order in place, just an agreement between us that my son is 50/50 which has always been the case since he was a baby.

Do I apply to court for one? Can I stop the contact before that? I'm just not sure what order to do this and I believe himself and his family will turn up at school and try to collect my son when I stop the access.

OP posts:
Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 14:56

Presumably you could not talk to your ex to find out more?

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 14:57

Does your son want to visit? How frequently?

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 14:58

Irrespective of what happens here

your priority needs to be to formalise arrangements legally

Original poster
sisuyo · 19/12/2022 15:02

There is a background and history to this so I haven't gone into details so as not to be outing but I have spoken to him over a year ago, this has been going on for about 18 months, sometimes it gets better but right now it's really bad and I have heard from a third party about their concerns when he is there.

My son has been asking to stay with me for the last 18 months and I've done everything to try and get him to fix the situation but recent events are the final straw. He does not want to go

OP posts:
Original poster
sisuyo · 19/12/2022 15:04

Ex Denys and plays it down and I've tried to be as neutral and unemotional about it as I can but now a third party has witnessed things I can't just keep hoping it improves. My son is being out at risk in more than one way.

I just don't know what the best legal action is to take and what order to do things.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 19/12/2022 15:08

Speak to a lawyer that specialises in these things.

To prevent his father collecting him from school you will need an order - they can’t legally prevent someone with PR collecting a child.

Don’t take advice on here for something so serious. What part of the Uk you are in, how serious the issues are, how able your child is to express their wishes and multiple other things will play a part. You need advice from someone who you can tell the whole story and knows the law in your country.

Goodgrief82 · 19/12/2022 15:08

At 11, he makes his own decision.

Speak with the school open and honestly and say your son doesn’t want to go with them.

but my word… you need to formalise this arrangement

and 50/50 surely is shit for your son

Helpmeunderstand67 · 19/12/2022 15:10

Your local council should have a safeguarding team which you can contact. They will be able to help and advise you what needs to be done.
Hope everything goes ok for youFlowers

Soontobe60 · 19/12/2022 15:14

JustLyra · 19/12/2022 15:08

Speak to a lawyer that specialises in these things.

To prevent his father collecting him from school you will need an order - they can’t legally prevent someone with PR collecting a child.

Don’t take advice on here for something so serious. What part of the Uk you are in, how serious the issues are, how able your child is to express their wishes and multiple other things will play a part. You need advice from someone who you can tell the whole story and knows the law in your country.

Whilst this is generally true, a school would be neglectful if they were to knowingly allow a parent who’s under the influence of alcohol or illegal drugs to take their child off the premises.

Original poster
sisuyo · 19/12/2022 15:33

Thanks so much all of you. It was those replies I needed to hear.

I spoke to social services a while back and they said if I am concerned for safeguarding then I should definitely withhold the contact and seek the legal route.

I've been reluctant to do this because of the ex reaction and wanting my son to maintain a relationship with his dad. I can't avoid it now as the issues have escalated.

I have emailed a family lawyer and whilst I'm waiting for a response I have posted here as my mind is going all over the worries, I'm in England.

Thank you all.

OP posts:
Original poster
sisuyo · 19/12/2022 15:37

Does anyone know what kind of order it is I make the application to the court for? I can then research this whilst I wait for the solicitor to come back to me.

My son walks home from school so isn't collected as it's a short walk but I'm worried the ex will turn up and try to "persuade" my son to go to his house etc

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 19/12/2022 15:49

Child arrangements order

oviraptor21 · 19/12/2022 15:51

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact/

haikuhannah · 19/12/2022 15:55

If your son is at risk of harm then it's pretty simple in my eyes. You stop contact and get legal advice on how to proceed. I would think childrens services could also offer advice. It's not an easy situation to be in and after years of 50/50 parenting it will be a big change but your sons safety and well-being has to come before your ex's wants and demands. It's hard to say without knowing exactly what's been happening.

JustLyra · 19/12/2022 16:51

Soontobe60 · 19/12/2022 15:14

Whilst this is generally true, a school would be neglectful if they were to knowingly allow a parent who’s under the influence of alcohol or illegal drugs to take their child off the premises.

Show quote history

The OP hasn’t mentioned him rocking up to the school in an obvious state so the school will have tied hands if it’s just that she’s told them.

I made the point because very often on here people are advised to just tell the school “not to let” the other parent collect. It’s often made out to be as simple as just removing them from the list and it’s really not.

Original poster
sisuyo · 19/12/2022 20:20

@JustLyra thank you that's what I'm worried about. He's not obviously drunk, he's under the influence of other things I also suspect and I'm not sure at first glance it would be obvious, plus they let the kids out to walk home so they wouldn't even be looking for him.

I've looked at the child arrangements order thank you to the PP, I'm wondering if it's an urgent without notice order that I require. I think there will still be a number of weeks that he could try to take my son after school etc.

Solicitor still hasn't replied to meSad

OP posts:
Original poster
sisuyo · 19/12/2022 20:20

Under the influence of other things as well I suspect*

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 23/12/2022 19:54

@Goodgrief82
At 11, he doesn’t make any decisions. A court would listen to his views.

@sisuyo There is a need to see a family solicitor. They will explain what you can do.

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