Can abusive ex demand child maintenance without a custody arrangement

[Creamorjam]

My abusive ex made myself & my 3 children homeless. He has taken our youngest to live with him. He has gone straight to the child maintenance people. They are demanding £400 a month from me .
The cms have recommended that we sort this out between us . So my ex has said that he will accept £400 a month from me to get them off my back or he’ll get the £400 direct from them.
He earns £85k so isn’t short of money to feed the youngest who tells me is often left hungry .
I’m not saying I don’t want to contribute financially in this short term situation.
But I haven’t allowed my ex to have full custody of our 13 year old who he is also leaving overnight alone on a regular basis & when he isn’t makes him share a bed with his father at his girlfriends house !

The child is living with him. He is entitled to receive maintenance from you. No court order or formal arrangement is needed. However, if the other two children are living with you, you can claim maintenance from him. My rough calculation suggests he would have to pay you more than double the amount you are being asked to pay him.

From reading your post it looks as if the other two live with you. You can claim maintenance foir your two and he claims maintenance from you for the one he has. If he arans more than you he may end up owing you money, depending on the number of nights he (and you) has them.

Tell him you are makinh a claim for the children that are with you. He will likely have to pay you more than you pay him so he can deduct that from the amount due to you and send you the difference.

You must be earning a lot to need to pay £400 a month and yes he can do this if the child lives with him.

I would also consider a call to NSPCC/social services about a 13 year old sleeping in a bed with his father and being left alone.

Do you have shared responsibility of the older two. Is that why you can't claim maintenance from him. Is there a reason why he has what looks like sole residence for the youngest. Might a court arrangement work better for you?

A further thought that given the abuse involved, you would probably get good support from a dv organisation, eg. Rights of Women or one of those listed here www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-getting-help/ or here: www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

A NT 13 year old can choose which parent they live with.

So there isn't any "allow" in it.

If the 13 year old tells outside agencies e.g. school, any coaches, that he's unhappy living with his dad then they need to escalate it. If he doesn't then they don't need to do anything.

OP if you go to Court over it, the Court will ask the 13 year old where he wants to live. If he's ok living with his dad then they won't make an order due to his age.

Have you put in a CMS claim for the children that live with you? How young is the youngest, what is current contact arrangement?

Unless the ex is neglecting the DS which it sounds like he is:
our 13 year old who he is also leaving overnight alone on a regular basis

The child needs to complain and there needs to be proof e.g. third party. Even then it may be OK depending on what else is happening.

Regardless the standard for parenting in this country is very low.

Why you don't want to pay for your child? He lives with him. You need to pay. Then go to court. The judge will listen to the child.

Presumably because she has their other two children?

If the child lives with him he can claim maintenance. You can also claim maintenance from him for the other two.

you have to pay regardless of whether or not he was abusive, but why have you allowed your child to live with him, he’s abusive?

The procedure is to do cross-claims. If she has a safeguarding concern, she needs to go to court.

How many of the children are his?

www.hsbc.co.uk/international/currency-account/

I don't think OP is gong to come back to this thread.