Changing child’s surname

[adiosamigoo]

Was with someone for 2 years, he was abusive. I left the relationship and found out I was pregnant 3 weeks later. Ex didn’t want to know, saw DS 6 times in the first year. Child maintenance can’t find him. No contact for a couple years.

DS has his surname (i was bullied into it) but I want to change it, for obvious reasons. DS is known as my surname at school and everywhere. Is it going to be possible to change it without ex’s consent? He won’t consent for control reasons, and I have no way of contacting him anyway. If not, will i be able to tell school and doctors to use his preferred name?

Courts are hit and miss with this but you stand more of a chance if father is awol. They might suggest you double barrel.

And my drs use my name for my son's surname and so do nursery and I never had to provide any proof of name change (he has his father's surname). As far as I can see school is a stricter.

Does your ex have PR? My understanding is that schools and doctors' surgeries shouldn't change the name of a child without the consent of everybody with PR, and that extends to using a "known by" name. I am a GP and would not allow a child patient to be registered as anything other than their actual legal name for this reason. That said, if one parent (usually the resident parent) has started using a different surname for the child unilaterally, we would note that on the records for safeguarding reasons in case we missed A&E letters or whatever.

Yes he has PR

No they won’t change it,
my ex is absent and I was told court would never agree to change a child’s name even if the father isn’t involved as they will argue it’s the only connection the child has to the father, it’s very rare for courts to change surnames you might stand better chance with double barrelled also the only place thus will accept a known as name is my daughters school everywhere else has refused.

That’s strange - why is a connection to a father needed? And he’s on the birth certificate. Do I need his permission without court? As I’ve been told only one parents permission is needed

Take it to court. If he doesn't show you have more chance, if he does you can trace him for cms. Might be a bargaining chip...

Yes you need his permission or court. It’s not strange they say it’s part of the child’s identity and the only connection to their father in some cases I was told by a solicitor that it would not happen

Right. Where’s the connection to his mum then?

You live with your child...

In order to officially change a child's name (for school, GP, etc) you do, legally, need the agreement of everyone with PR. Schools, Drs etc shouldn't change it just on your say so I'm afraid (though sometimes schools do, even though they shouldn't.)

Court will occasionally vary from this but it's not common. You can apply for a court order, and you would need, at least, to show you had tried seriously to contact him to ask his permission. You may have better luck with requesting to double barrel.

How old is your child?

This is the courts opinion that the surname may be the only connection to the father which is why they are usually reluctant to change it

“The courts have held many times that a child sharing a surname with their or father or mother (as the case may be) is important because —

it tends to help the relationship between the child and the parent
children, especially when they get older, are often concerned with their identity and biological origin
Thus courts are reluctant to take away a surname from a child which is shared with one of their parents, even when —

the child doesn’t live with the parent
the parent lives far away
the parent has little contact with the child, even to the extent that the relationship has almost completely broken down
the child is opposed to the parent and wishes to change their name”

it’s a link to the child, you live with your child so already have a link to your child a fathers name may be the only link a child has to their father

He’s 4, no contact with my ex for 3 years. He is not someone who’s surname id like my son to be associated with. A quick google search of his surname and our area shows a lot of newspaper reports from his family committing crimes.

Well, you've upset a LOT of people tonight OP with your troll hunting and bullying. I'm not sure how much help you'll get on here.

@ChristmasisRuined OP will get plenty of help on here. Any fight you may have had with her on another thread is not relevant.

@adiosamigoo As others have said, the courts rarely allow a change of surname. To get one you would need to show that you had contacted your ex and he had refused to agree the change (or, at the very least, made serious attempts to contact him and failed). You would also need to persuade the court that changing their surname is in your child's best interests. Given that your child's name is seen by the courts as being an important part of their identity, this is a high hurdle to get over.

I note that you say your son is already known by your surname at school. Some schools do this, but the courts have been clear that no official body should accept a change of name, including a "known as" name, without the consent of everyone with PR or an appropriate court order. This is reflected in government guidance to schools, which your school is clearly ignoring.

@prh47bridge it’s just a pre school (community run). He starts school next year so I’m unsure what to do. It’s not just his surname, he is known as a completely different name.

The school may accept the name you want. Some do. But, if they follow the guidance (which reflects decisions made by the courts), they should insist on using his legal name, i.e. the name on his birth certificate.

You might be able to change name by paying a solicitor. It is expensive. Some solicitor’s quote £1000. However, even with a solicitor the court might not allow it unless the abuser allows it. Oh dear what a society we live in. Even if children don’t want the abusers name the courts force the child to use the abusers name. probably won’t help. Children are suffering, getting bullied etc because of this law and abusers are getting away with it...

There are children who don’t want their dad’s name if they were abusive to them. It is wrong to force a child to have a name from someone who abused them. End of

Of course that may be the case but children’s opinions aren’t usually taken into account and that’s why they can change their name at 16 so they are sure it’s coming from the child and not parental alienation.

I wish to god all unmarried mother's automatically gave their surname to their child. Working in a school so many families the Dad and the kid share the surname but they are split up.

Only reason I got mine changed was because he didn't have PR back then. Only deed poll name change, birth certificate remains the same which I hate.

It'll be easier to change sex on a birth certificate, than remove an abusive and coerced surname.

Change it by deed poll. Ex can take you to court and insist it be changed back.
A solicitor changed my dd's no problem..

A deed poll is invalid unless everyone with PR consents or there is a court order allowing the change. Paying a solicitor as another poster suggests won't help either. A solicitor can't change the law.

Your option is simply court and hope it goes your way - there’s nothing else you can really do.

regarding changing a child’s name you are right they don’t usually take the children’s opinions into account, but saying that, talking of parental alienation say if, one day, a child was taken home by one parent (out of two parents who both have rights to have the child at their house) and not returned to the other parent at all and what if the child were being gaslighted and manipulated by that same parent against the other parent so that they lied about the other parent and also lied to social services and caffcass, if caffcass talked to the child and the other parties, who do you think they would listen to? They would only take the child’s opinion above all others because then if anything went wrong they would be protecting their backs. It is nothing to do with truth with caffcass. Then the child would be given to the abuser by caffcass and the courts would stand by them in their ‘decision’ which is based on a few telephone calls and maybe a meeting with the child.
regarding names-children get bullied at school etc if they have an abusers name who is not around.
It is all so wrong