School being ridiculous about priority contact.

[Rich1981]

Hello, my son is 8yo he stays with me 6 nights per week. I wanted to apply for child benefit, but first I asked school to put me as priority contact. School knows what days am picking him up and that my son stays with me as he was unhappy with 50/50 two years ago. He was put on SEND program because of his behaviour during 50/50 shared care. The school telling me that, whoever registered child years ago has to be priority contact. I changed them on policy. They said that they don't have one and that's how it is. I spoke to lawyer and was told that school is being ridiculous, am a parent and if child is with me most of time plus I live closer to school than his mother it's only logical to put me as 1st contact. I spoke to principal and he said that,it doesn't really matter,if something happens they will call me as they know am primary parent. So then I said to change it! He told me that unfortunately it has to be the way receptionist says ( older woman sitting there all day) . Guys this is some clown show! What do I do with this? Complain to whom? Or just leave it,as it's not a big deal since they have both addresses?
Am I going crazy or am really being treated unfairly and being discriminated against?

Unbelievable. We get asked formally once a year who's priority 1.

We don't know where the OP lives, it's not universal that you're asked for proof of address, its not a thing in my area unless someone reports you

That's not the issue while the child is 8 anyway, there's time to resolves that in the next 2 years

I'd start the formal complaints procedure, follow all the steps

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair I live in London, Wandsworth borough. I applied for CB . Still waiting. But wanted to sort school while am waiting. The reason why am furious is because I don't know if am being discriminated against or it just how it is. The principal is Goofy tippy toeing boy . When I hear him say " receptionist say ".. I wasn't sure why this can't be changed. Then he said " ok u will both be priority". At this point I thought he just trying to fob me off.

This seems like a good idea.

The principal is Goofy tippy toeing boy

What does that mean?

And this is where you lost any sympathy from me.....so discriminatory 🙄

@RelentlessForwardProgress am being discriminated by this woman. Because it seems she makes rules without backing it up with policy. I wonder if u would have this sympathy towards a man who is discriminating against mother? If the roles were reversed.

What has any of that to do with your ageism?

It does. If I refused to adapt and my head was stuck in 70s making your life difficult , simply because I don't care. Ofcourse my age would play role in my obstructive conduct. Get feelings else where. I'm on here to ask other mothers/parents for logical solutions. You want to have a debate about feelings now? Facts don't care about feelings. I'm sorry but I won't entertain you.

I can see why people struggle to assist you.

Your discriminatory attitude is what is holding you back.
I bet you were an arrogant fucker when you spoke to her too

Yes you are being discriminated against and the fact that a receptionist who is an older woman might well be part of the problem. Older people are often more conservative in their views and she might well not be able to accept a man being the primary carer. So your comments, although not put in the best way, are relevant.

Anyhow, stop accepting what the head tells you and being fobbed off.

1. Tell him that it's a child safety issue that you are a priority contact.
2. If he doesn't react, put your request in a letter explicitly using the words "child safety issue" and tell him that you will be going to the board of governors with your concerns if he doesn't react.
3. If he still doesn't do his job, take it the governors - again in writing. State that this is a breach of child safety and a blatant example of illegal discrimination.

In all correspondence, include a copy of any child arrangements agreement from court (if you have any). Highlight the relevant section stating that the child is to reside with you 6 days per week.

Good luck

What have child benefit actually said about this issue? Is this issue the reason you are not getting CB?

If you needed to prove that you were the person they called first why not just get a letter from the head putting what he has said into writing?

@2boysDad thank you. I know am being discriminated against. When I started conversation with this woman first thing she said " she is a mother,she has priority"
Then she tried to backpedal explaing about who registered child. At this point I knew am dealing with biased person. I wonder what energy would people have on here if there was a guy being stupid and making a mother's life difficult. But ofcourse as a man u need to take abuse with a smile on your face. Which I refuse to.

@ThreeFeetTall child benefit people didn't say anything yet. I just wanted to prepare everything before they find smallest excuse to not award it to me.

Ok. Maybe wait and see as I think that is not how they work out entitlement. Their helpline is usually very good in my experience, maybe give them a call and ask them what evidence is needed.

@ThreeFeetTall they are vague. I tried three times. All they said that they will investigate it. So am trying to eliminate potential problems

Usual misandry. If you had said "older man" no one would have batted an eyelid. It's a descriptive term.

Hope you get this resolved - keep up the good fight brother!

Put that in writing to the school. Ask them point blank, “Am I being denied being put as primary because I am a father, despite their being no policy which says the parent who registered the student must remain as primary?”

If the admin did say what you claim she says, then yes, she likely is being discriminatory and stuck in outdated stereotypes.

@OverCCCs yes thank you. Im not sure if I need to write to principal? He is the one who supports the receptionist or I should write to Governors board straight?

@Daddywaddy yes double standards. Man must take abuse with smile on his face, God forbid he says something that is truth.
Thanks for support,i hope i will resolve this.

Read the school complaints procedure, on their website, and write a letter. You'll either need to send it to the headteacher directly or to the chair of governors - their policy document will explain this.

Write it factually - what you need to happen and why, what your complaint is at this point (i.e. receptionist comments about the mother taking priority, the school continuing to hold incorrect information about who is the primary contact etc.) and how the complaint could be resolved.

Request they acknowledge receipt of your letter within 48 hours and then wait for a response. Their complaints policy will set out when you can expect the headteacher and/or chief governor to reply.

So, I'm assuming the school uses SIMS. Priority should be:
1 Dad
1 Granny
2 Mum
Well, that's what my screen looks like. In an emergency if I call dad and he doesn't answer I'll leave a message, then call granny if no joy.

It's based on who the child usually lives with.

Surely it actually is, or in this case should be, based on the decisions made by the parent, parents or persons with parental responsibility? Which can then be changed. The priority contact is surely whoever is best placed to actually take the contact and do something about it, so for example if Mum is a brain surgeon and Dad works in IT down the road from the school, but the kids mostly live with Mum, then Dad can be priority contact. Usually you can nominate another priority contact such as a grandparent if you have authority to do so too. Obviously all the above would need to take into account court orders and all that kind of thing if applicable?

Maybe what the school is trying to say, is that they need consent from the other parent to change it, in this case. In which case they should say so. (Or maybe they have said it?)

I am fed up with individual nurseries and schools seemingly making up random policies and claiming "thems the rules" even when they probably are the complete opposite of the actual law or guidelines and talking gibberish fairly often. But it was ever thus. But this particular story has absolutely nothing to do with Child Benefit by the way and the OP saying it does makes me wonder what on earth else is going on here?