Made a statement but don’t want to press charges

[LadyDowagerHatt]

DH and I had a fight in which I was shoved to the floor and was bruised on the arms and hands. I called the police and they arrested him. He was very drunk and this was somewhat out of character.

When the police came back to the house that night I answered the door and they asked if they could take a statement from me. This probably sounds really stupid but I said yes because I thought that’s what I had to do so they could understand what had happened. After they had taken the statement and I had signed it I asked ‘what happens now, do I decide whether to press charges. They said that I have already done that by making the statement. I feel like such an idiot but I had no idea, I was just trying to cooperate as I thought I had to. I have tried to retract the statement but couldn’t, the best they could do was to add an additional good character statement.

DH is getting counselling, and help for his alcohol addiction. He is ashamed of what he has done and knows we will be getting divorced but is determined to support me and the children financially and practically. I really don’t want to press charges but it seems I can’t stop it now I have given the statement as it will go as a victimless prosecution.

I feel so stupid for giving the statement. The police just asked to take one they didn’t explain to me what that meant - maybe I am the only one who didn’t know it meant charges would be automatically pressed? Is there anything I can do to stop this, it’s really not what I want and he will probably lose his job over it.

Are you in England? Its extremely common for victims of domestic violence to give a statement then change their mind and decide they don't want to proceed. In Scotland you can't withdraw a statement but I don't know what the position is down south. Hopefully someone will come along who does. If its anything like up here there will hopefully be a victim information service who can tell you how it works. It may also be worth contacting the prosecution service to say you don't wish to proceed.

Yes I am in England. Not sure how to contact CPS as police told me it is not going to my local CPS as both my DH and I have links there.

i think the police have accepted that I don’t want to press charges but because they have a statement they have enough evidence to proceed anyway.

Not sure if anyone can tell me if the police should have explained to me what giving a statement actually meant - could I go down that route as I wasn’t made aware?

I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope you're getting some real life support regarding what's taking place in your relationship (and how to make yourself safe by leaving, in my opinion).

I believe "pressing charges" is a myth, it's not the victim's decision what needs to be done but the police / CPS who decide to prosecute or not. Yes, by giving a statement you have contributed to the evidence they have to take forward, but they're also quite used to domestic violence scenarios where the victim doesn't cooperate but they still prosecute.

Rather than try to rescue your DH from this process, I'd recommend putting your energy into your well-being and safety. Physical altercations aren't something you need to live with.

I'm sorry I misread that you're getting divorced. Well done for having the strength to do that, not easy.

the police did not need your statement to arrest him. If you had visible signs of abuse, that is sufficient.

you need to stop trying to protect him. He may lose his job. If he gets clean and stays clean, He will find other employment. He will find a way to provide for his children. If he doesn’t take control of his life, an arrest and even a conviction are not going to be the end of his downward spiral.

they are always remorseful afterwards. That remorse only lasts until the next drink.

your only thoughts right now should be what is best for your children. I’m sure you are going to say that a father in jail or a father unemployed is bad for the children, but you are thinking very short-term. You need to think about future custody arrangements. You need to think about when he gets worse and even starts to target them instead of you. A record helps you protect your kids.

Hi, firstly I'm really sorry for your situation and what's happened. Didn't want to read and run in the middle of the night.

As I understand it, in this country a victim doesn't "press charges", rather the CPS decides whether to prosecute based on various factors. The idea is that the police/CPS aren't just there to act on your behalf - they act for the public. So from their pov a violent man is a threat to everyone in society, not just you, so it's in the public interest that they be prosecuted, and it shouldn't be just your choice to prevent that.

Also if a victim withdraws their statement they might suspect it's because the perpetrator has threatened them, so they'll feel a responsibility not to let future perpetrators know that that works.

Like I say, I'm sympathetic to what you're going through - I just wanted to try to explain their thinking and give context.

That said, I imagine it will be more difficult to get a conviction without your support. Maybe they're hoping to get him to accept a caution so your evidence doesn't need to be tested in court. If it did get to court and you refused to testify then I imagine that would make it harder to prove their case? Although maybe not impossible?

Note I am not a lawyer!!! And have no experience of this. Take this as a stranger's opinion and not actual advice!

Thanks for the replies. I have no concerns about DH targeting the children and don’t believe he should not be allowed to see them. My son doesn’t want to see him at the moment as he witnessed the fight but it is all very raw.

It seems I can decide not to support the charges but I can’t fully retract the statement which would be my preference. I guess I’ve just got to hope the second character reference statement is enough for him not to be convicted. I don’t think that would be in anyone’s beat interests, nor would losing his job.

@Ponderingwindow is spot on

you sound really panicked about what is frankly appalling behaviour. Your son witnessed his father attack his mother in a drunken rage.
thankfully as others have pointed out this is not down to you and your statement necessarily.
this is all entirely of his making. You did the right thing and he needs to deal with the consequences.
I hope your son is getting some support. No child should have to see that. Protect your children and yourself.

He did something criminal and the police have evidence of it. I’m glad he’s making better choices now but this is the consequence of him behaving this way, in front of his child. Witnessing violence like that is very serious, I hope he’s getting support.

I also see in your OP you say it was ‘somewhat’ out of character. It wasn’t completely out of the blue, I assume.

so glad to see you’re getting divorced.

@MrsTerryPratchett in reference to the somewhat out of character comment - he is not a mild mannered man, he does have anger issues but he has never done anything like this before, it has always been verbal in the past. And the drinking has been getting worse. But he has never been physically violent previously.

@Ponderingwindow I’m not trying to minimise any of his behaviour, I just don’t want him to lose his job or future prospects. I know he has hit rock bottom and is now getting the help he needs. I don’t think pressing charges is in anyone’s interests.

The CPS decides whether to charge people (except for minor offences). The only way a victim can decide to press charges is to start a private prosecution. Victims can have a decision not to charge reviewed, but they don't get to decide whether or not someone is charged. The CPS takes account of the victim's wishes, but the victim cannot decide whether or not the accused is charged.

So, to answer your original question, no, you can't stop it. It isn't your decision. All you can do is make your views clear. But the CPS can decide to charge your husband regardless of your views.

As above OP… you can’t press charges.Equally you can’t stop the police passing to CPS who will make the charging decision.
I know you are thinking it could ruin his life but it could also be what he needs.
imagine if the police went about trying to have people charged (via CPS) based on the feelings of victims alone.. he might have done it once, but there’s always a first time. The next time he could punch someone and leave them disabled or dead.
Its good you are divorcing and while the law doesn’t exist to prevent future crime, as such, it does have a role in deterring future crime.