Long Distance Contact Arrangements!

[MissB19]

i really hope someone can help.

I have been going through family law since 2019. It is never ending.

short version I am full time employed. I have lives with order. my daughter lives with me. I am to travel to half way point every other weekend to facilitate fathers contact.

I receive no cms as father hides income. All of this is frustrating but not my issue.

the court refuses to take into considered that I have 100% of my child’s life cost but demanding I take on 50% of the travel cost to facilitate his contact. As “that’s fair and just”

we live over an hour away from each other.

I have expressed my stress. My sadness. Anxiety. As I genuinely cannot afford to take on any costs.

i am desperate to find some case law in which the court took into consideration the realism of the fact of finances. As the judge keeps saying by law he can’t consider my situation.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Can I ask who moved away, you or your ex?

Generally the parent who moves away has to do much of the transport. However having no resources can change all of that. In your case you work full time so it cannot be the case that you have no resources. I'm willing to bet that you moved away, so having to share the burden with the father is the least you can expect.

We had a short relationship. I returned home. Met in 2018 I was home by 2019.

I understand this to be “the norm” I am seeking case law which considers the realisms of life.

Unfortunately my ex moved 160 miles away from me when we split and I have to do the Friday journey and he does the return on a Sunday (this is every other week); he pays no money to me for anything as he also hides his income - it’s costing me a lot of money in fuel but not a lot I can do about it!!

was this through court arrangement? I am at my wits end with it all. Surely there has to be considerations.

You were living where he is? Was your child born there?

If I was you as you seem so determined why don’t you not redirect your time and resources to the CSA? Can you prove he works? There is a tribunal service which looks into people who dodge paying maintenance

are you certain he works?

This is irrelevant.

It's not irrelevant because of the op moved before the child was born she didn't move the child.

*if

Nice try but not how the courts would look at it.

If you chose to move away, I’m afraid I can see why a judge would require you to contribute to the costs of access

The cms are aware. I am trying not to input my time into all this. It has been a lot. Behind the scene there are two non mol warnings and now I am classed as domestically abused. Due to actions towards me.

my aim through this post was to ascertain case law were day to day life costs are considered to aid in some resolution.

as over three years in it is a vicious cycle of failed agreements and court. which to be honest mentally i am struggling with.

I’m curious to know what the courts would actually do if you could prove your do not have the additional money to fund the round trip.

Is he not paying any tax either?
you can ask for CMS based on previous years income. If he isn’t - I would just inform HMRC that he is with pulsing income and they will investigate.

@giggly this is what I trying to figure. We live off £17 per day budget. This doesn’t include food, petrol, clothing anything at all extra. Surely there has to be something I could present. As at this point the judge keeps stating “we can’t rule on finances and travel should be shared”

@mattyprice4004 i would wholeheartedly agree if the father was providing even a bit towards the child’s life.

Does he actually show up for contact?

@Theunamedcat it varies. Contact is meant to be Friday - Monday. However child now attending school. I proposed for him to collect from school Friday and return there Monday am. As it would reduce our interactions etc. he refused and said collection/return at half way point Saturday and Sunday.

It sounds like you moved away without giving thought on how to make sure your child could have a relationship with their father.

It does seem like you expected the father to bear all of the expense of travel and are shocked that the court expoects you to bear half of it.

You may claim that he is hiding his income from CMS but without evidence to prove that no one is going to do anything about it. The system is overwhelmed as it is so no one is going to put a private investigator on him to get that evidence for you.

At least you are working full-time, and presumably you are claiming all the child benefit and tax credits/universal credit you are entitled to.

When the court determines who should bear the burden of contact costs it has to take in to account the income of both parents. As an independent adjudicator the court will rely on the declared income of both parents unless there is actual evidence that proves on the balance of probability that declared income is false.

Did you move after having the child, or was he the one who moved? This is relevant.

OP has already answered this.

@Collaborate i moved away due to abuse from him and his family. Two non molestation orders and abuse support letter have all been provided to court.

i did not expect father to have all the costs. At all. However, did I expect myself to have all the costs of our child.

i am expected to provide 100% of child cost, yet 50% of cost to facilitate contact. As such 150% cost on myself.

at least…wow! Yes I am a full time working mother. Trying my absolute best to make an horrendous situation work. Aiming to not endure in my opinion financial abuse and emotional / mental abuse.

thanks for you input

Keep proof you've had children available for contact. State you don't have funds available for transport. If he applies under the court order represent yourself saying you have prioritised the feeding and shelter of your children in the face of zero contribution.