Worth applying for mediation contact order when the child is over 12?

[MatildaReads]

Also posted in parenting, but might get some useful advice here too...

Is it worth applying for mediation and a contact order when the child is over 12?

I’m writing for a friend who is in a fragile state. She’s the NRP due to a severe hospitalised nervous breakdown (a few years ago), leading to her stepping back and allowing her ex-P to take on the primary carer role. She recognised it was in DD’s best interests at the time.

There are no formal contact orders or anything in place. Up until now, it’s all informal and relatively amicable.

She’s upset because her DD has only seen her once this holiday. Various plans have been made and agreed upon, only for her ex-P to turn around and tell her DD doesn’t want to see her. He puts it down to the teenage years. But not following through on agreements impacts my friend's mental state because she makes plans for her DD's visits, looks forward to spending time with her DD and feels let down when her ex and DD cancel at the last minute.

Is mediation and contact orders worth going for at this age? What are the alternative options?

We don't want things to become adversarial in court proceedings, but how likely is that to happen?

My friend is even considering cutting contact entirely because being messed about is adversely impacting her mental state, and she doesn't want to end up in the hospital again. So, any advice is welcomed.

Her daughter's wishes will be taken into account in any child arrangements order. If her daughter genuinely doesn't want to see her, she is unlikely to get an order forcing contact. Mediation similarly is unlikely to help if the problem is that her daughter doesn't want contact. If things are still reasonably amicable, I would suggest that she needs to work with her ex on re-establishing contact. Perhaps regular telephone contact might help to rebuild the relationship.

Has she been able to establish why DD now doesn’t want to see her? This possibly needs to come from ex? Courts are hard work and will take forever with a lot of stress.,Mediation must be agreed with both partners. Child will be listened to. Can you ask ex on her behalf @MatildaReads Then it might be possible to negotiate a way forward when the position of the 12 year old is understood.

Mediation can certainly help, if her DD is willing to participate. It doesn't have to be through the legal route.

It won't do her state much good to go to court to be told 'she doesn't want to see you' officially.

Is any of your friends care team able to help, I imagine in cases of parent mental Illness that this situation is not uncommon.

Her daughter may be scared, angry or even blame your friend. Dd probably needs support to help scaffold up to meeting her mum.

Hopefully with support they can reestablish a healthy relationship.

Can't see how "cutting contact" is going to help. Her daughter is a child she is the adult. She needs to keep the door open but not get her hopes up.

Last thing a child needs to hear is that their mum is cutting contact. Ridiculous.