Changing schools without father’s permission

[Slipslops]

Ex is abusive and there is a long history of abuse, including police involvement. He is extremely difficult to deal with. He has PR. Abusive messages continue intermittently after 7 years apart. We live within 5 minutes of each other.

I want to move house so that one of our children who is autistic can go to an independent specialist school which is closer to all our family - but it is 70 miles away from ex. The other will go to a state school - he has to agree that too. Ex has said he does not agree.

He does not agree not because of the school which is amazing and will really help our child, it is because he wants the ease and control of having the children close by. However, there haven’t been overnights for about 2 years and he hasn’t spent more than 6 hours with them in any week all of this year. When they are due to see him he frequently cancels.

I know I need his permission to move schools BUT what happens if I just crack on without it? I will be paying the school fees anyway - he pays zero maintenance. I know the school will be amazing for our child and we all want to be closer to family so it will be great for the 3 of us. Our child has been offered a place and could start in September this year.

Can I just do it and then fight it if he takes out a Prohibited Steps Order or should I seek an Order myself? We came out of a lengthy Court fight last year and it was very costly and stressful, and if I can avoid it I’d really like to! I feel like it’s a control issue and even though the 3 of us want to move closer to family he is keeping us where we don’t want to be.

The risk in cracking on without the father's consent is that when he finds out, he disrupts the process by seeking a Prohibited Steps Order. Only you know (1) how likely he is to find out (presumably very likely if he has regular contact) (2)when he will find out (3) whether he will apply for a PSO. An independent school, unlikely state school admissions system, won't know/care about a NRP; if you are prepared to pay fees they'll take the pupil. Once enrolled in a private school, if the new school is objectively better than the current school in terms of meeting educational and social needs, there will be a good "inertia" argument in your favour to keep the school place going. That said, if things aren't that clear cut in terms of existing state vs private you risk being ordered to return to the state system with no guarantee that the original school has a space any more. For the child transferring to another state school your ex is likely to phone the admissions team and alert them to any objections at which point they will either require you to obtain a SIO or him to get a PSO. Probably cheaper and less stressful to initiate your own application and take control of the process rather than trying to do a flit

I don’t think a judge would stand in the way of a kid getting a proper crack at an education when it can so easily be proved that dad isn’t involved

Thank you @JennyMule He knows about the school but has been against it due to its location. I’ve ploughed on as the school is highly sought after so to get an offer of a place is really hard In itself - but it’s clear he’s not going to agree and our child is due to start in 2 weeks. It’s all about him. Do you know how long it would realistically take to have a SIO heard?

@Slipslops no real idea as depends on your location but >2weeks I'd imagine due to huge backlog in court system. Unless/until your XP obtained a PSO (similarly affected by said court delays) you could crack on, but risk having to revert to status quo and may encounter problems with state school admissions as previously mentioned

The court can't dictate where you live, only where the children live.

If you've already moved and changed schools, then a PSO might involve him having to have the children live with him in order to facilitate them returning to the original schools. Is he likely to want that? As that might stop him petitioning if not

@Slipslops What was the outcome in the end? Did you just crack on? I’m in the same position, abusive ex, police involvement. I want to move my child to the primary school next door to my school (I’m a teacher) which feeds into my outstanding school (one of the best state schools in the country!) and I’ve initiated the process. My child does not see him. Would be good to know if you were successful?