Will/Estate Question

[TheOldMonkey]

My DM has died and my DF is still alive and of sound mind.

There are 3 executors to my parents estate, DF, DSis and I. The will is unlikely to need to be invoked at this time, as DF will inherit the estate. However, DF has been calling meetings of the executors. At the last meeting, DSis husband joined the meeting, even though he is not an executor, and proceeded to do all the talking.

DF is due to call another executors meeting at the office of his lawyers, am I entitled to ask that DBIL doesn't attend as he is not an executor? Or bring along a companion of my choice? I am aware that if I object this will cause stress for DF and I don't want to do that. Should I just suck it up?

DSis and I are, unfortunately, estranged, and have been for many years. She has been trying to exclude me from finding out information about certain family matters and TBF I don't trust her or DBil from trying to disinherit me or remove me as an executor. I could be being paranoid here. At present, DF is of sound mind, but this may not always be the case.

Should I be worried?

Thanks in advance.

Your BIL is not an executor and I see no reason why he should attend an executors meeting.

I would contact the solicitor and ask them to ensure only the executors attend.

As you stated, there is probably no need for probate because your parents most likely had mirror wills. Therefore I can't understand why your father is calling all these meetings in the first place. Why are the solicitors agreeing to this? For fees? And certainly your bil shouldn't be there. Do you think your father is planning to change his will?

I don't understand what you mean when you say the will is unlikely to need to be invoked. Your mother's estate must be administered in accordance with the will.

You cannot be removed as an executor without your consent unless you are preventing the estate being administered properly or your actions are adversely affecting the welfare of beneficiaries. If you are a beneficiary of your mother's will, they cannot change that without your consent. They could, of course, try to get your father to cut you out of his will, but you would be able to challenge that if there is undue influence or if he is not of sound mind when he changes his will.

As your BIL is not an executor he cannot administer your mother's estate. He can advise the executors if they want, but that is all. Whether he attends executors' meetings is a matter for the executors. You are entitled to object to his presence.

I think that DF is calling meetings of the family, but he is saying that they are meetings of the executor’s, when really they are just meetings to discuss practical help that he requires.

They did have mirror wills so I think he inherits everything? So no need to see the lawyers. He hasn’t mentioned meeting with the lawyers again, so I think that he got a bit confused and the lawyers have said to him “you don’t need to do that as everything goes to you”.

It’s a very confusing and strange time when someone dies, and I think that maybe he was overegging what the meetings were. And I was getting panicky because I felt that the BIL who is a pushy sort, with a very high opinion of himself, was going to take over. Thankfully my father pushed back.

thank you for your advice xx

I have discovered that the meeting at the solicitors office is to deal with the probate. DF and DM had mirror wills and DF inherits DM’s estate and the money goes into a trust. BIL told me this in passing.

The BIL wants to do all the admin but DF has said the lawyer is to deal with it. My sister and I and DF are the executors. DF has not invited me to the solicitors office, my sister and BIL are going though.

I am thinking maybe I should consult my own lawyer? I feel a bit uneasy that BIL and the sister may try to undermine me. At the moment, I don’t think DF would let that happen. I am not all that materialistic, but I would be a bit sick if I was done out of the inheritance that DM wanted me to have.

As you are an executor, the other executors cannot simply cut you out. If the executors are meeting with a solicitor to sort out probate, you should be there.

I reiterate my first post, contact the solicitor and advise them you are an executor and wish to attend. Ask them to exclude non-executors from the meeting.

At the meeting I would ask the solicitor about confidentiality and who is legally entitled to know what is happening with DMs estate. Legally your BIL is not entitled to see the will or be kept up to date. Realistically your DS can tell him but the solicitor should not.

Support your DF in insisting that the solicitors deal with the paperwork. Whilst it is possible for you and the other executors to do this, given your BILs pushy nature it is an expense I would consider justified.

On a separate issue, depending on how your Mums will is written if your DF inherits everything with no restrictions. The reality is he can make a new will and disregard your Mums wishes.

if however your Mum left a lifetime interest to your DF then you will get your inheritance.

I am not telling you this to upset you but to prepare you, as I am in a situation where mirror wills were written decades ago leaving everything 50:50. I was told for over 50 years we would always be treated equally but not necessarily the same. Whilst one parent was terminally Ill c£200k was gifted to my sibling and their then partner, now husband. Now the one parent has died the remaining parent is being put under pressure to write a new will and I suspect to reduce my potential inheritance.

Thank you all. I am very sorry Seemslikeaniceday that you have had such an awful experience. Why do some people turn like this when money is involved? It seems that the meeting has already been held without me. I will speak to my DF next, and see if he will tell me anything.

Part of the issue is when you love your parents and they are terminally ill, and/or elderly you don’t want to distress them by having conversations you know will upset them. My parents were fair and loving for the vast majority of my life so being pragmatic I can see how they have and are been manipulated when they were/are at there most vulnerable. All I can do is try to make sure more of my Mums money is not “gifted” as she may need it in the future if she requires care.

In your situation your DF is bereaved and, whilst you are in the right, you don’t want to upset him. Talking to your DF is best ideally face to face as you can judge the conversation by his reactions. Clearly your DS & BIL are putting him under pressure to exclude you. I actually think a question along the lines of Dad I’m really upset not to have been at the meeting given that I am an executor, have I done something to upset you?

Separately I would email the Solicitor politely stating you understand you are joint executor and confirm that you have not renounced your executorship. As an executor you understand a meeting was held on (date) and would like to know why you were not invited. Confirm that you wish to be invited to all future meetings and copied into all correspondence to executors. Request a copy of their GDPR policies including any that cover disclosing information about an estate to third parties who are not executors (BIL).

As per my previous post, co-executors must act together. It is not possible for the other executors to cut you out. You certainly need to contact the solicitors (if you know which firm is involved) pointing out that you are a co-executor and therefore the other executors cannot act without you. I would also point out that you did not attend the meeting, just in case the solicitor thinks your SIL is you. If that doesn't achieve anything, you need to consult a solicitor.

@TheOldMonkey how did you get on?