Advice needed! Ex wont let me have my child back

[Ashley94]

Hi, I'm looking for some advice or to chat to anyone who has been in my situation.

I have a son who I share with my ex boyfriend we used to be civil and have an ok relationship when it comes to our child. However I found out I'm expecting my second child with my new partner and since he has found out I have noticed a significant change in his attitude towards me and things have now escalated. He currently has my boy as I agreed he could take him on holiday which I have no problem with. But now that he is back he has taken my son to his new gf house and has been ignoring my messages and efforts to contact him as I need my son home due to an unforseen family emergency. I had been trying for several days and got no response at all. So today I went and politely asked if I could have my son which then his gf decided she wouldn't let me and even refused me the opportunity to see him. She then proceeded to call me every name under the sun all while my ex stood there and said absolutely nothing. I could hear my son in the background which made it all the worse for me so I did the only thing I could think of and that was to call the police only to be told that they will not do anything due to there not being anything from the court. My ex has now removed me from everything so I can not contact him. I have reached out to his mum who has said she can't get hold of him but I'm not sure I believe that and it was the last option I could think of.

I'm really lost on what to do. My son lives with me and always has so I don't understand how they wouldn't help. It's really got me stress and i haven't been well recently so this is the last thing I needed. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it as I just don't know what to do!

I'm sorry you are going through this. How old is your son? Legally I don't know where you stand. Assuming his name is in birth certificate? Are you in the uk?

My son is 6 and my ex's name is on the birth certificate. We do have a mutual agreement on days he has access to my son but I have never gone through the courts. I am on benefits and I'm just worried that he will take my son and stop me from seeing him and I won't be able to take it to the court due to costs. And I am in the UK. Thank you for replying

Hi OP, a close family member of mine has been through this. First thing, see a solicitor. You can get an hours free advice.

what you will be looking to get is a child care order. When it goes to court, the outcome is most likely going to be 50% each. You need to start readying your case now. You will need to outline what it is you want and how this is in the best interest of the child. Don’t try to go the angle of going against the dad. Everything from now on is about the child and that’s how they see it. They’ll review what’s in his best interests based on the arrangement you have been having.

also I would call and talk to careline. They can appoint a social worker if they see fit. Don’t be scared of this. You most likely won’t get one but it is important to log all concerns for your sons care. Does he have SEN or anything else your child’s dad may not be able to meet the needs of sufficiently?

I can’t stress enough not to go the route of making dad out to be a bad parent. This won’t help you at all and it will only add fuel to the fire.

im so sorry you’re going through this. Worst comes to the worst, not any official advice of course, but school starts soon. You can pick him up from there when dad takes him. If there is no court order, the school will not be able to refuse you taking him

good luck xx

Needachange thank you so much for replying and your advice it's much appreciated. I have always put my son first and have always allowed his dad access. I have no intention of stopping contact as that is his dad and I would never want him to miss out on that relationship. I just have a growing fear that he is trying to take my son after years of no issues. I never thought he would do something like this. And it's hard being his main parent and not being able to even see or speak to him.

I will take your advice and get some legal help I'll be keeping record of everything from now on. My sons dad has ADHD and aspergers and I am currently pushing for my son to get a diagnosis for it as well as autism. I have been working with the school on this but it could take years of waiting for that diagnosis.

I have politely asked his dad to return him tomorrow and have not got no response. I'm hoping for the best as I miss my boy more than anything.

I do wonder though, if his dad continues to refuse to give him back and he doesn't take him to school is there anything else I can do? And will he be able to change my sons school without my permission? It's such a worry as he's never been away from me for this long.

Thanks again x

nayyarssolicitors.co.uk/parent-refusing-to-return-child-what-to-do/
www.sillslegal.co.uk/news/2020/09/not-returning-your-child-after-a-visit-is-it-ever-justified

these links might help. There was a thread on here a while ago where the df did this and the op got an emergency court order to get him back. It took a few days but I don’t remember whether he had parental responsibility or not. Either way it’s clear that you are going to have to go down the formal legal route to stop him pulling this again.

good luck 💐

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/legal-aid-for-family-law-matters/

it also looks like you might be able to qualify for legal aid to help.

Thank you for the links I am now waiting for citizen advice to open as my sons dad has now refused me from seeing or contacting my son. I'm absolutely broken but I'm going to push to get my boy back home. I really appreciate everyone's help xx

I can't actually imagine the stress and pain this must be causing you :(
So sorry you're going through it
Hand hold

Oh that's awful and so damaging for your poor child!
How anyone can be so cruel as to not allow the other parent to see or talk to their child is beyond me.
Good luck

I work for Citizens advice and I would advise you to contact a solicitor immediately.

If you are on a low income you may be entitled to Legal Aid.

We are not allowed to recommend a particular solicitor but you need one that specialises in family law.

So are you asking him to bring your son home earlier than previously agreed? Or at the time preciously agreed/has that date passed?

Have you spoken to your son? If not I'd be tempted to phone the police for a welfare check, tell them that your ex hasn't brought him back and he's refusing to let you talk to your son, you haven't spoken to him for x number of days and you're concerned. If nothing else to put your mind at rest nothing has happened to him

This is the key question.

If OP previously agreed, say, that Dad could have the child for a fortnight, but then unilaterally changed her mind and tried to collect him early, then I would think Dad was being fair enough in sticking to the original agreement.

If Dad has breached their agreement unilaterally then he is not being fair, unless he has e.g. serious safeguarding concerns about OP she hasn't told us about.

Agree with others that the key factor here is whether the time you had agreed with the father has elapsed or not. If you are asking him to return your son early then it is really up to your ex whether he wants to agree to return your son early, however if the time you had agreed for contact has elapsed and he is refusing to allow your son to return home then you need an emergency hearing for the child to be returned. If the latter please consult a solicitor as a matter of urgency so they can help you get an emergency hearing. This can be done very quickly.

The police are very unlikely to get involved unless you have reason to believe your son's safety is at risk.

You need to apply for an Ex Parte Emergency Court Order - NOW. This is where the other person, your ex, isn’t informed of the court date - because it’s an emergency - your son is 6, he has resided with you until now, and your ex won’t return him.

They are usually heard within a week, the order will be made and your ex will be served court papers, at which point he will have to hand your son back over - immediately.

Once that happens, another court date is booked for the judge to decide what happens next. That’s usually the start of it.

My friend had to do this - she had a toddler with her ex, a 50/50 agreement, and he randomly decided not to take their toddler back. Within 14 days, she had the court order giving her Residency, he took the toddler back within 24 hours, they had a court date not long after that where he was bollocked, and slapped with a Prohibited Steps Order that stated he was only allowed to take their toddler to his or his Mums house (he’d taken the toddler to a friends house, an address she didn’t have, and he was only aware of the court order as it was also served to his Mum and his brother as she didn’t know the actual location of her toddler at this point).

It cost her £250.