Dp's ex refusing divorce 16 years after they split

[SeagullAteMyChips]

Have namechanged as both families on here!

Dp left his wife in 2006 after she had an affair and started seeing the affair partner permanently. That relationship broke down a few years later at which point Dp was already in another relationship. She was apparently furious about this and refused to accept he wouldn't have her back.

We met in 2017 when he was single and he told me he was divorced.

I wouldn't actually care about the divorce but for 2 things - one is that he told me he was divorced (turns out the decree nisi was done in 2007 but never the absolute) and the fact that we are doing a big build project at home and he needs to contribute but can't as his money is tied up in the equity of the marital home that she refuses to move out of.

The financial agreement, that was never signed, said that the house would be sold when the youngest had moved out. The youngest moved out 2 years ago. The exw has employed an army of lawyers to delay every single document/correspondence. She refused to sign documents and even when we had them formally delivered, she refused to answer the door. She is v wealthy now and is just doing this because she can. She refuses to fill in a form E. Dp has agreed that all he wants is the 50% equity in the house which is all he wanted back in 2006 but she refuses. She is living in a 5 bed house on her own. Dp cannot afford much more in legal costs and she knows this so is just toying with him until he has to give up financially as he can't afford the lawyer's fees.

I genuinely don't know what her end game is. I recently spoke to dp's exgf (she brought round some presents for his kids) and she asked me (unprompted) about the exw as apparently she was a complete nightmare when they were together too.

I sat with dp to look at it yesterday and it turns out it's only his name on the deeds for the house. I now don't understand why he can't just sell the house. I know she would make it impossible as she's living in it (I can see her refusing viewings) but legally could he do this? Is there anything he can do? This is the last legal bill he can pay so after this, he's totally stuck. It's been years of bills!

Has he been advised about a litigation loan? They can only be obtained through solicitors. Otherwise he can issue court proceedings without a solicitor.

Both of you move in to the house

its his house to and he needs to live there… so you go as well

play her at her own games as people like that dish it out but rarely can take it

If he has the decree nisi he can apply for the absolute 3 months after the dare of the absolute, there is nothing she can do. He needs to do that & then push to get to court to get the financial settlement, if he can't afford a solicitor isn't there a scheme where you can get a final year law student to help with the case for free in return for them using the case as a study for their exams?

I know someone who had to do this quickly a couple of months ago

they weren't divorced and his solicitor acted within a few weeks so the house his wife refused to leave and refused to let him return to was made to force a sale.

Your DP needs a better solicitor.

Yes this absolutely

You can't do this if you're married

On GOV.UK

I admit I don't know much about it, but I can't understand why it's cost him so much in lawyers fees. I get that she's got good lawyers, which might intimidate some lawyers, but really? My closest friend divorced her Dh this year, he delayed and delayed, didn't fill out his financial E1, she got her solicitor to press and eventually the judge issued a threat to imprison, contempt of court, and he was freaked, then complied.

Surely your (new) solicitor can do that?

What is the legal state now? Are you absolutely sure he did actually have the nisi? He had a decree nisi, but didn't file for absolute, after the allotted 6 weeks? When was that? What year? Does a nisi expire / lapse after a certain time? I have no idea. But surely it can't be that hard time find out?

I’d move into the house with dp. I’d be pissed off enough that this would seem absolutely worth it. Love the furniture around, put a lock on your new bedroom door, if you have any fairly strong minded friends invite them over (I wouldn’t bring friends who’d feel terribly uncomfortable into it). Fight fire with fire, she doesn’t have his children living with her and you’re certainly not making her penniless. Of course run the plan by a lawyer, give her written notice explaining you will move in 2 weeks or a suitable period, if you can’t access you will call a locksmith etc. .

Op just to point out the obvious.
He lied to you about his marital status and this could have had enormous potential to cause you financial harm as his share of any jointly held assets could have be claimed by his wife.
I would suggest that you get independant legal advice as to understand the legal implications of mixing ownership of assets.

Change solicitors and file at court. Finances are independent of the divorce.

he can file the absolute today both parties can and should immediately. Get him to change his Will today leaving his share to you or the children or whatever.

change solicitors and get them to file on Monday next week

Take legally advice but he and you can move into the house if it is in his name - that would be fun (!) not.

Ps if you can’t get in as she has changed the locks easy - take the deeds call a locksmith and change the locks yourself

I suggest you and he move into the house for a while. Might speed things up.Although even with the best lawyers in the world I don't see how she's managed to avoid the absolute for so long.

Thanks - Dp already onto the changing lawyers thing so I am hopeful for his sake it will all be sorted soon

I would move in

She’s living there for free while he pays the mortgage? Yep, move in. Then invite the estate agents round to value it.

It's such a shame people end up out of pocket because they become afraid of lawyers rather than confident the law is on their side.

I agree with above poster about self representing and going to court.

All you need is a timeline of events and evidence of what he's paid.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Please advise? He’s spent over 15k with lawyers and I feel his pain. He just wants her out of his life. She’s bipolar and very disturbed.

Suggest you create your own thread. Shouldnt hijack others.

I’ve just joined mumsnet. And was trying to navigate through it. Thanks god your lovely response. I won’t ‘hijack’ others in the future. Wishing you a lovely sunday. Try to smile more often. 😁