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At my wits end and don’t know what to do

3 replies

KLM1806 · 13/07/2022 14:42

Hi! I’m just looking for some advice on if I can even do anything about this. Sorry it’s a long one!
I’m married with 2 children. my eldest daughter is 4 (not my husbands) and her dad is useless. We were only together a very short time and the relationship broke down whilst I was pregnant. My husband is in every way that matters her dad and has been since she was 1. Her sperm donor is in the navy so is based down Portsmouth but is from the north east like us and all his family and girlfriend live here. For 2 years he never paid anything for her until I went through CSA. He’s been told by them he needs to pay £380 p/m but has only ever paid £350 stating he does not have to pay for my bills or my house or my son or husband. However it’s not about the money- he just flits in and out of my daughters life whenever he has a new girlfriend who shows any interest in her and if a girlfriend has no interest he does not see her at all. Neither does his parents. He recently was deployed for 8 months and he did not even send 1 text to ask how my daughter was. He has now told CSA that he lives in Portsmouth and travels up to us every weekend to see my daughter (he does not he comes up to see his girlfriend often not seeing my DD at all) therefore has had his child maintenance reduced. He has now text and said he’s going to tell them he has her over 52 nights a year to reduce it further- again he has her sleepover once a month if that. I’ve asked lots for him to have her every weekend. I know it’s selfish but am I within my rights to just block all contact until he takes me to court and gets an ordered arrangement to see her every weekend?

OP posts:
bbqhulahoop · 13/07/2022 16:26

CMS won't just take either of your words for it. You can share messages or a diary to show when he's had her so that he pays the correct amount. You shouldn't have to, but you might need to.

The restricting contact thing is a red herring tbh as both things are unrelated and doesn't sound like he cares about DD as much as getting one over on you. I'd think hard about what you're hoping to achieve by restricting to be honest

KLM1806 · 13/07/2022 17:48

Just purely to stop him flitting in and out of her life whenever he feels like it, going months without any contact and then just expecting her to want to go and stay at his house. I also want to force his hand into taking me to mediation/ court so he has to make an agreement of times to see her and hopefully stick to that rather than him still being able to run my life

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 13/07/2022 19:23

You can't force him to have regular contact with your daughter. If an order is in place and he doesn't take up the contact ordered you may be able to get his contact reduced, but the courts won't force him to see his daughter.

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